How the Mighty Fall
by lindsaydrumm
Summary: I've always been different, strange, abnormal even. It wasn't an issue until now. I used to see it as a weakness, something I had to strive to overcome. Now I'm not so sure. I've been told that I'm special, gifted, unique. I've been told a lot of things that just don't make any sense. What I haven't been told is if it's enough to keep me alive. AU. Bella & Carlisle.
1. The World I Know

**A/N: So, I'm back much sooner than expected :-) That evil plot bunny went and dug up this story and I haven't been able to stop typing for the past week. This is going to be a little different than what I usually write. For starters, there's the pairings. If you can get past the idea that it's not a Bella & Edward story, then please read on! Also, you may notice the titles for the chapters won't always indicate what's IN the chapter. That's because it relates to the song I used as my muse for that particular piece. I'll make sure to add the band in the notes before each chapter so you can look it up and listen to it if needed. **

**This story is rated M for a reason. If you aren't 18, you shouldn't be reading it. Now shoo!**

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Carlisle's POV

The cold October wind howled through the dense forest that surrounded the lone chalet. There were no clouds that night, and the moon brightly illuminated the grounds and starlit sky with a bluish hue. The ground, though covered in a fresh blanket of frozen white, remained undisturbed even as the gusts battered branches and walls alike with their chilled ferocity. It only reflected the soft glow of the stars in muted sparkling tones, like diamonds glittering in a dimly lit room.

I sighed deeply while I took in the perfect wintry scene before me, but my breath made no mist as a human's might. There was no chill from the air for me, despite being barefoot and clothed in mere denim and wool, and my eyes saw the landscape before me with perfect clarity despite the lack of light. Such things were quite the norm for vampires, and I have spent the last three centuries acclimating to all the differences between this life and that of my human existence.

"Out staring at the heavens again, old man?" a tinkling, feminine voice carried on the wind, tinted with a strong Irish accent. I smirked, but did not turn to address her.

"Remind me again, Maggie, who of us is older?" I countered good-naturedly.

She chimed a laugh and stepped up beside me to wrap her small hand around my arm. Her head only reached a little past my elbow, but she leaned against him all the same. The height difference between her five foot frame and my six foot two never had bothered her much. However, I resisted the urge to rest against the crown of her head and tease her about her short stature.

"You spend too much time in solitude, my dear friend," she chided gently. I nodded, but said nothing in return, so she continued to fill the silence with her thoughts and concerns. "Maybe if we went somewhere more populated, you might finally find yourself a companion."

"Have you ever stopped to consider that I might not have one?" My voice was soft, sad. Years of loneliness weighed heavily on me.

"You know you don't believe that, Carlisle."

"Really?" I replied softly and cast my eyes up at the stars again. They truly were a glorious sight so far away from any unnatural light source.

"No, my friend, you don't," Maggie whispered and closed her eyes. "I can feel your dishonesty, even if you are only lying to yourself."

We stood there watching the trees sway while the winds swirled and danced around them. The utter stillness of the night was only disturbed by nature's heavy breaths. With the presence of such predators among the trees, the local wildlife had fled in search of safer grounds. So there we stood for hours watching the moon. The peace, morose as it may be, was shattered when Edward whipped outside and pulled Maggie into his arms protectively.

I raised an eyebrow at my truest friend and progeny. _What is it, Edward?_

"Eleazar is on his way, and he's not alone," he replied tersely.

"Who is with him this time? Wait; let me guess . . . more newborns for us to train?" Maggie asked with a grin. Her smile slipped from her lovely face when she turned and saw the taunt frown that lined Edward's brow.

"No, not newborns. It's something a hundred times worse," he muttered and cursed under his breath.

Surprise lit my features and my thoughts. Edward's Victorian upbringing often colored his mannerisms and personality so much that it was somewhat of a shock to see him forget himself and use 'ungentlemanly' language in front of a lady.

"Who is with him, sweetheart?" Maggie asked again and tried to soothe Edward's countenance by running her hands lovingly over his cheeks.

"Marcus, Demetri, and . . . a human, I think." He grimaced in frustration.

"What do you mean, you think?" I questioned, out loud this time, as I didn't want to use his telepathy in such a situation and risk leaving his mate in the dark.

He didn't answer me right away. Instead he called into the house for the others to join us. Almost instantly Esme and Garrett were on Carlisle's other side. They stayed close together in a sort of semi-circle with me at the center and waited for the sounds of approaching footfalls. However, it was the sound of a stuttering heartbeat that reached them first.

_This human's heart rate . . . it is not normal. It sounds . . . distressed._

Edward nodded in agreement with my unspoken thoughts, but then turned to address Garrett's silent question. "Eleazar keeps thinking about her medical condition, so I think Carlisle was the obvious choice for him. But the other two are more focused on her potential and certain commands from Aro regarding her care. Their thoughts keep shifting though; it's hard to keep up."

"What medical condition?" Esme asked and her beautiful brow creased with concern. Edward didn't need his mind reading abilities to know that her maternal instincts had just kicked in. It was one of the things everyone loved about her.

Edward stiffened for a moment and then growled lowly, his eyes darkening by the second. Maggie stroked his back firmly and squeezed his hand to offer reassurance.

"Is she ill?" Garrett questioned. Edward shook his head, but offered no other explanation.

"Is she injured?" I immediately began to catalogue all the different implications that would mean for my family. Edward nodded curtly.

"Is she bleeding?" Maggie asked. She wasn't concerned for their control, but very worried for this human girl being brought to them by three vampires, only one of whom practiced our 'unconventional' diet.

"No, and as far as I can tell she isn't in the process of the change, either." Edward's voice was tense and clipped, not his usual warm, congenial self.

_Is there something we need to know, Edward?_

He seemingly ignored my thoughts and glared at the darkened wood ahead of them, waiting. He was concentrating on something that no one could see, even with our enhanced vampiric sight, and grew more frustrated as the seconds ticked by.

"What is it, my love?" Maggie pressed, but before Edward could respond three figures darted from between the spruce and pines. Two wore dark travelling cloaks – one black, and one grey – while the other man wore more contemporary clothes. It was he who carried the small, fragile looking human girl bridal style as they approached at supernatural speeds. The warm, fragrant smell of her blood wafted around them all and enveloped them with its floral scents.

_Ambrosia . . . I've never encountered such a potent scent before._

Edward stiffened for a moment and his eyes darted to mine for a fraction of a second, in response to the sudden stillness I had taken. In over three hundred and fifty years on this earth, both mortal and vampire, I had never encountered any scent that appealed to my senses so. Centuries of practice and determination made it possible for me to be in her delicate presence, but the demon within me I had long suppressed, stirred. I swallowed impulsively and took a moment to collect myself and channel the calmness that had taken decades to perfect. She was a person, a mere girl, and deserved nothing less than our utmost care and respect.

Edward, the only one aware of my internal struggle, shook his head in utter amazement. He had often told me how he strived to be like me, but wondered if his own self-control could ever hold a candle to that of my own, as well as our other family members. I knew he still tortured himself over his brief time away from us, although no one here would ever fault him his decisions or mistakes. Least of all me.

_I would appreciate it if you kept my struggles private, Edward. _

Edward nodded in response and then turned back to give his full attention to the thoughts of the four that now were directly before them. Even with his presence there, Eleazar spoke aloud.

"My friends, it has been a while," he said cordially and nodded towards them all.

"Too long, Eleazar," I agreed and smiled back. I then turned my attention to the other two. "Marcus, Demetri, I trust you are all well over in Italy?"

Demetri grinned and nodded, but Marcus could only muster a sort of grimace. Such had been his expression for some two thousand years, as he continued to live his very long existence without the company of his mate. But his tragedy was not a story that anyone cared to dwell on for too long. My own emptiness paled in comparison to that of my old acquaintance.

"We have need of your expertise, old friend," Marcus stated evenly and nodded over to Eleazar.

"She is human." It came out as more of a question, as I did not quite understand their reasoning for bringing the girl to me.

"Aro has a new protégée," Demetri explained with a somewhat wicked glint in his eye. Edward scoffed at him and glowered in disgust.

"You cannot mean to tell me that Aro expects this human girl to learn his way?" Garrett tried to read between the lines without the benefit of Edward's ability, but knew he was coming up short.

"Not precisely," Marcus disagreed.

"They have a new member of their guard named Anna. She, like Eleazar, is able to detect gifts, but her powers are also similar to Alice. She gets flashes of certain people and can tell that they will possess certain . . . powers," Edward explained to us as he continued to pick through someone's thoughts.

"However, since this one is still human, and has . . . had some unfortunate dealing lately, we had to give her some time to heal properly before she can be changed and trained," Demetri shrugged and then gestured towards the larger group before him. "We knew there was no one better equipped to deal with a human than those who continuously masquerade as them."

I chose to ignore the slight dig towards our chosen lifestyle and nodded towards Eleazar. "Can you sense her gift?"

"She is a shield, and a remarkable one at that," he said simply, but stared meaningfully at Edward.

Edward barely inclined his head in response to whatever he heard in our friend's mind, but turned to me and made his intentions clear. "We've done this before. I can't see why we shouldn't again."

I clearly disagreed. I wanted nothing to do with the Volturi's ways and workings, and their treatment of humans was a major point of contention between the leaders and me. It was one of the reasons I had left their company all those years ago. "I've cared for humans while being a doctor, yes, but I've never prepared one for the change before. It is very different, Edward."

_What is the real purpose here, son? They could easily take her and change her themselves._

He wasn't given the chance to address my thoughts as a few motives became slightly clearer.

"You have successfully changed four vampires in your time, Carlisle, and one of them is very gifted. Your ways may be . . . unorthodox, but it is clear that you know how to handle the newborn phase well," Marcus argued dispassionately.

"Does she know about us?" Esme asked. She had yet to take her eyes off the unconscious young woman draped over Eleazar's arms.

"She knows of our world, yes," Marcus replied shortly.

I could tell by Edward's frustrated expression and Maggie's narrowed eyes that our visitors were not being entirely forthcoming with the truth.

"Why is she unconscious?" Maggie probed suspiciously. Something about this situation gnawed at her and made her feel very uneasy. This was not as straightforward as the members of the Volturi would have us believe.

"We discovered her with some rather . . . unsavory individuals. She was so distressed that we thought it better to make her travels less so," Demetri answered evasively.

"She was with other vampires?" Edward hissed, clearly appalled with what he had seen in Demetri's mind.

"Nomads," Marcus answered simply, "and they have been dealt with."

"Not all of them," Edward retorted angrily and ran his hand through his copper hair. Maggie's eyes narrowed into slits.

Demetri glared back at her before addressing her mate. "I have already gotten her scent. The redhead won't evade me for long."

Another meaningful look from Eleazar and Edward decided to act quickly. The temperature was already well below zero and before long the girls' heart would slow too much for her own good. He looked to me with silent question and I nodded once in affirmation. We could figure this out after our company had departed. Right now I was concerned about this young ladies well-being after travelling in the cold for God knows how long.

"Bring her inside, Eleazar. Esme, please be a dear and set up a room for her. Tomorrow we will arrange for food and supplies to be delivered." I turned back to Marcus after Esme and Garrett took off back to the house with Eleazar following closely behind them. "How long will you expect her to be in our care?"

"Two years at a minimum, but depending on her willingness it may be longer. You know how newborns can be, Carlisle." He seemed completely disinterested.

"You understand that while she lives with my family that she will have to adhere to our diet and lifestyle?" I gazed into his crimson eyes and was met with his empty gaze. I would broker no misunderstanding where her upbringing in our world was concerned. I may not be able to enforce it once she left to join the Volturi's guard, but while she lived here with my family she would be expected to adhere to our ways of life.

"I am aware, and I see no issue with that. It might make her more docile and easier to train when the time comes," he replied in a bored voice.

"I will come back to check on her progress from time to time," Demetri offered with an evil glint in his eyes that made me repress a shudder. His thoughts must have been so despicable that Edward wasn't able to fully contain his low growl.

"That will hardly be necessary, I assure you," I placated with an even tone. "I will let you know when the change is to take place after I have assessed the lady for damage and spoken to her myself."

"Agreed. Come now, Demetri. It is time we take our leave," Marcus commanded quietly. "Carlisle," he said in farewell, and then they were gone.

I turned to Edward and gazed at him questioningly. "What were they holding back from us, son?"

Edward gave a small smile at the familial endearment, but shook his head woefully. "They were blocking me most of the time. Maggie sensed their evasiveness and outright deception in a few instances, but there was nothing clear enough for me to focus on."

I felt my displeasure shift my features and tried not to dwell on what their true motives were and why they had decided, after over a century away from them, that the Volturi wanted my involvement with their newest acquisition.

"They were good at hiding behind half-truths and carefully constructed words," Maggie groused.

"I can't see what they wanted us for. It's unnerving," Edward grumbled as we all walked at a human pace towards the house. "But Eleazar was very clear that he needed to speak to you without them around."

I nodded and immediately sought out my longtime friend once inside the confines of the stone and timber lodge. He no longer carried the slumbering girl, but sat on one of the jade sofas with an expectant expression on his olive face, lines of worry etched into his marble skin.

"I'm sorry I wasn't clearer with my thoughts before, Edward. I could not risk any tempers going out of control while they were still present." Eleazar explained.

"Tell me what troubles you, my friend," I entreated and sat beside him.

"I was not there when they located the young woman, but Carlisle, I could smell her injuries very clearly," he started to say when Edward hissed and balled his hands up tightly. Maggie led him to a chair and curled up in his lap, stroking the back of his neck and murmuring comforts in his ear.

"Can you describe them to me?" If I was going to treat her then I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with.

"Beatings, most likely," Edward muttered before Eleazar could answer me directly.

"Was that the extent of it?" I prodded further. It made little sense to me why someone, human or vampire, would purposefully victimize another, but I was all too aware of just how often atrocities such as this occurred in everyday life.

"As I said, Carlisle, I was not there when they collected her. When she was brought to me it was merely for me to examine her for potential gifts." He raised his hands and shook his head.

"What do you know about her? Anything at all?" I wanted to rid myself of the disturbing images that clouded my mind. I knew that Edward was already bombarded with everyone else's tortured thoughts, he did not need them added to. Edward sighed and smiled gratefully in my direction.

"She had ID on her, so I know her name and age, but she was so shaken when she was brought to us that she refused to speak. I am sorry to say that while I do not relish in her being injured further, the idea to knock her out for her travels here was not unsound." Eleazar looked a little contrite. After a pause he took an unnecessary deep breath. "Carlisle, you cannot allow the Volturi to have her once she is changed. Her powers . . . I have never encountered such latent abilities in a human before. It is beyond anything I have ever seen in my entire existence."

I was momentarily taken aback. "If she has agreed to go with them, then I cannot stand in the way of her decisions." The wrath of the Volturi was not something I would ever risk bringing down on my family.

"She hasn't agreed to anything," Edward provided as he plucked the thought from Eleazar's mind.  
"Not even to being changed?" Maggie sat up in alarm.

"I did not say that," Eleazar corrected and shot a look of annoyance at Edward. "I simply don't know what her plans or decisions were. She was far from coherent when they brought her to me. I was only able to get a few words out of her before she practically seized out of fear."

"What answers?" I probed. Any little bit of information would be useful when working with this girl.

"She knew she was being taken to a coven for the change and for initial training. She wondered why my eye color wasn't the same as the others, and I very briefly told her that my diet was different. She seemed to be all right with that explanation, but then was very concerned with who was going to change her. When I said I was taking her to you for that purpose she responded with such fear that Demetri knocked her out."

"What exactly was said?" Edward sat forward with narrowed eyes.

"She asked if I was going to change her and I told her no, that Carlisle was most likely going to be her sire. Her eyes got wide and she repeated his name, and then asked 'my sire?' When I nodded and told her that of all the vampires in our world that Carlisle Cullen was her safest and best option to sire her she drained of all her color and began to shake and babble incoherently. The only words I could easily pick out were 'Cullen' and 'sire'."

"She was terrified," Edward whispered and looked over to Carlisle with wide, agonized eyes. "But it was more than that. Her reaction, it was almost like she had heard of you, of us."

"Yes, I had thought of that as well. I thought I would be able to question her more about it when she calmed down, but then Demetri interfered and I was never given the opportunity." Eleazar's remorse was clearly etched on his face.

"It looks like you might get your chance now," Garrett called from the upstairs bedroom he and Esme had put together for the girl. "She's starting to come around."

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**A/N: For the purposes of this fic I'm going to make Maggie older than everyone else. She just seems like an old soul to me :-) Any thoughts or comments?**


	2. Snow White Queen

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and favorites. I had some extra time and decided to post this chapter a little early. Don't expect it too often though. This chapter's song is by Evanescence. Last chapter's is by Collective Soul - sorry, I forgot to post that last time :-) Enjoy!**

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Bella's POV

The first sensation that registered was all-consuming warmth. I deliberately screwed my eyes tightly shut in an effort to hang onto the comforting feeling. I knew it had to be a dream. It had to be. Because in the last six weeks I had felt nothing but cold, pain, and fear. So even if it only lasted a minute or two more before I was brutally torn from my fantasy, I would revel in the softness of the fluffy blankets I was so securely swaddled in. I would drown in the peace that blissfully enveloped my whole being. Because I knew, _I knew_ that once I opened my eyes and saw their glowing evil red irises staring malevolently back at me, that nightmare that had been my life this past month and half would start all over again.

But after a few long moments I became all too aware of just how contented I really was, and my mind began to take note of the differences in my surroundings. Firstly, it was very clear that I was snuggled in a deep, soft, luxurious bed. After sleeping on dank, hard floors the past weeks – and the occasional moldy mattress – I was instantly aware of the utter lack of soreness my limbs and torso had grown accustomed to. Second, I felt clean. I no longer wore the tattered rags I had been clothed in since the day I was taken. The distinctive stink of sweat, filth, and body odor no longer clung to me like a second skin. Even without moving or inspecting my body and hair with my hands I could tell that I had been bathed and redressed in comfortable, nice clothes. Lastly, and most alarmingly, I could hear gentle whispers floating around me. My captors had never been so careful with me, not caring if I was woken suddenly or cruelly. In fact, that seemed to be one of their favorite games: who could wake me in the most sadistic way possible. No matter how hard I tried, I had not been able to stay awake for more than a few days at a time. Inevitably, my body would shut down out of sheer exhaustion or in an attempt to heal itself of the many injuries that had been inflicted over the time I had been their prisoner.

The memory came screaming back to me and sent my heart into overtime. I had been rescued . . . well, in a way. There were more of them, of course. More red eyed monsters with their sights set on me and my 'abilities'. Not that anyone explained what these 'gifts' are. Just that I had them, and they wanted them. The two men were killed. Rent apart and burned before my eyes. The metallic screams when their limbs were detached still echoed in my mind, but I tried to block out the sound by shifting and covering my ears. I should have just stayed still.

"She's coming to," I heard a male voice intone. Just like the others, he had a musical, otherworldly sound that made me shiver violently.

"Isabella." This one had a Latin lilt; one that I vaguely recognized, but I didn't acknowledge him.

"Miss Swan?" A woman this time. Her tone was much gentler than the last female of their kind I had encountered. I was very briefly reminded of my mother.

"Isabella?" The accented man tried again. "You and I met before, do you remember? I told you I would bring you somewhere safe. You are delivered, child."

I felt my heart thunder against my ribs and fought the urge to argue. Safe? Was there even such a thing anymore? Had there ever been? How safe could I be among them? They either wanted to drain me, train me, or . . . much, much worse. I shuddered.

"Edward?" A new woman spoke. This one had a strong Irish accent. I heard a frustrated sigh.

"No, nothing. I can't hear anything," a boy answered, his velvet tone exasperated. What did he mean, he couldn't hear anything? Could he be deaf? He seemed to hear the Irish chick just fine. I was confused by his statement.

"Isabella, I would very much like to introduce you to the Cullen family. They are my dear friends, and I want you to know you will be safe here," the man tried again.

But I had stopped listening once he said the name. Cullen. I had heard it repeated over and over again in the past month, and never in a good way. It was a taunt they had used to instill even more fear in me than had already existed. They spoke of this coven often, with their special dietary needs and unique talents. They made sure I understood that it could be so much worse for me with the Cullen's. That they would hand me over if I wasn't a 'good girl'. I began to shake uncontrollably as my heart galloped in my chest.

"Hush, child. No one hear will harm you, you have my word," he tried to soothe me, but when someone made contact with my shoulder I flinched so violently I was surprised I hadn't dislocated it. The touch disappeared.

"Carlisle, maybe you should try," a woman said softly. Christ on a cracker, how many of these freaks were there?! I curled in on myself as I remembered his words, his warnings about the coven's sire. How they would sell me to him to add to his collection. How much he would enjoy a sweet little thing like me.

"No, no, no, no," I heard a broken voice whimper. It was only after several more repetitions of that word did I realize it was me. I had to shut myself up. If I lost the plot again I had no idea if they would go as easy on me as the others had.

"Miss Swan?" I felt a dip in the mattress next to me and tried to curl in on myself to be as small as possible, and to protect my vital organs. Not that it would matter much longer. I suppose I wouldn't really need them. "Isabella? My name is Carlisle. I am a doctor and I would very much like to examine you for injury, if that is alright with you."

I couldn't stop my head from snapping up in shock at his words. I knew from the deep, smooth tones of his voice he had to be one of them. Was he lying? How the hell could one of them be a freaking doctor? I pried my eyes open and glared into the brightly lit room.

He was younger than I imagined from his voice, possibly around my age, but there was something timeless about him and the way he held himself. I supposed they all held that air of agelessness, but it seemed far less intimidating on him. He was exquisitely gorgeous with his blond locks and pale skin, but it was his eyes that instantly captivated me. They were rich butterscotch, vibrant and shining like polished gold from under a set of thick, dark lashes. My heart stuttered in my chest and my mouth went dry.

"Well, hello there pretty girl," the Irish woman spoke again. I reluctantly tore my gaze away from the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on and finally looked at my surroundings. There were two more at the foot of my bed: one man, tall with a long dirty blond ponytail, and a woman with caramel locks and the most lovely, motherly face I had ever seen. Against the right wall a few feet further away stood a man with slightly dark skin – though still ethereally pale – and I recognized him as the only amber eyed man I had seen of their kind until this moment. On the opposite side of the room stood a tiny woman with a head full of bouncy red curls with her arm firmly wrapped around the waist of a tall, boyish male with messy copper hair. While she wore a bright grin, his face was set in a mask of irritation and I instantly felt on edge just looking at him. Aside from their common beauty there was one other shared physical trait that kicked my heart up into the danger zone. They all had yellowish eyes. Which I knew meant they all fallowed the 'special diet' I had been warned about and threatened with time and time again.

"If you could just take a few deep breaths for me and try to calm down. I am sure you are terribly frightened and possibly have questions for us. I just want to make sure that you are not in too much danger physically before we discuss anything else, if that is okay with you," Carlisle spoke softly and gently, commanding my full attention again. It unnerved me how differently he displayed himself to me from the descriptions I had received for the past month. I managed a shaky nod, still unsure why he needed to check me over physically. Unless it was just one of their sick, twisted games. My gut clenched when I noted the number of them in this room. Would they all have a turn at me? I nearly heaved at the thought. I had barely survived three of them. I didn't know how much my body could take before it broke.

"Please, try to relax, Isabella. No one here is going to harm you in any way, let me assure you." I looked at the leader with clear skepticism and doubt. A small frown creased his handsome brow and I immediately panicked when I feared the worst if I upset him in any way. I knew how they worked. They could have moments of humanity, but only if I didn't provoke them.

"Right, okay," I managed to squeak out and nodded my head while I tried not to tremble.

The copper headed boy sighed. "So you're not a mute? Good to know."

I tried not to grimace at his tone. He didn't sound like he thought it was very good. Actually, he sounded rather disappointed by the fact. Maybe he was one of those who preferred I be seen and not heard. The dark one was that way. Unless, of course, he wanted to hear me scream.

The little redheaded woman scowled and elbowed his side. He smirked and kissed the top of her head, murmuring something too low for me hear. I wasn't sure I wanted to, anyway. My eyes darted back to the . . . man in front of me that now took my pulse. He held my wrist carefully and laid it back on the bed gently after only a few seconds. When I met his eyes again I inexplicably felt my heart slow down to a much more user friendly rhythm.

"Much better," he murmured with a small smile. I swallowed nervously when he reached for the blanket that remained wrapped around my shoulders. "If I may?"

I started to shake again and closed my eyes. Dread filled my stomach with lead and sent my heart racing once again. I heard a soft sigh, but refused to open my eyes again to see if I had finally made him angry with my reactions.

"Would you prefer if Esme examined you?"

My eyes snapped open in shock and I felt my jaw drop. I sat there and stared dumbly at him. Was it a trick of some sort? A trap? If I said yes would he punish me worse? Would she - whoever Esme was – help him like the other redhead had? She had seemed to really enjoy being part of the 'fun' whenever her mate played with me. I blinked at him, unsure how to proceed.

Carlisle shook his head and a thought I saw his expression morph into a deep sadness. It didn't look like the mock emotion I often saw on the ring leader of the other group, but I couldn't be sure. I was way out of my depth here. I had only just gotten used to what set off my previous captors and had started working extra hard to stay one step ahead and in their good graces – such as they were – when I suddenly found myself in completely new setting with twice as many to placate.

When he rose from the bed again and ran his hand through his blond locks, his beautiful face distressed, I panicked. Had I failed some test? Was he going to take his rights now? I knew as the leader he had all the privileges, but also would dole out all punishments. That's what the other leader had said, and they were all the same, right? Tears sprung to my eyes and I tried to blink them away. The last guy had hated tears. They infuriated him.

"No, please!" I gasped and practically lunged at him. I caught his cold, stone hand in mine and beseeched him with my eyes. "I'm sorry! I'll be good! You can do whatever you want. I won't . . . I'll be good! Please, please!"

There was such agony in his golden gaze that I felt myself frozen with fear. Had I ruined it? Would they have to kill me now? That's what I remember the dark one telling me. I had to be good, to please them in order to live. The alternative . . . I shuddered to think about what had happened to the other girls.

Carlisle swallowed thickly and slowly lowered himself back to the bed next to me. I remained kneeling in front of him so we remained eye to eye; the blanket I was wrapped in had fallen off of me completely. I stared pleadingly at him and my hands shook uncontrollably as I removed them from his arm. He nodded once and reached for the hem of the long sleeved night shirt I now wore. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to start. They snapped open again when I felt his frigid touch barely ghost over my skin for only the briefest of moments before my top was replaced again. I stared at him in confusion until he indicated for me to turn around. I gulped audibly and complied. This was what the dark one preferred as well. He didn't like to have to look at me. But while I trembled and waited I was only treated to the exact same feather light touch, and only for mere seconds.

"Thank you, Isabella. Tell me please, are you bruised anywhere else?" His voice was calm and gentle, but there was a detached coolness there now that shook me to my core. I felt the fear rise within me and braced myself for the impact. Then I remembered he'd asked me a question and rushed to answer him.

"Y-yes, there's some on m-my thighs," I managed to choke out in a half whisper. Would my delicate skin disgust him like it did the dark one, or would he be like the blond sadistic one who loved to color my skin with bluish patches every chance he got.

"Is that the . . . extent of your wounds?" He sounded like he struggled to get the words out. Knowing that their advanced senses could pick up on subtleties humans could not, I decided not to lie to him. I didn't want to anger him any more than I already had.

"Yes," I croaked and ducked my head. I never knew if that was the right answer or not. Sometimes they needed me to be fully healed for their games, and other times they would get more creative if I wasn't wounded enough. My mortality seemed to pose a fine line they enjoyed dancing around, and sometime on, at their every whim.

"I am glad to hear that. Aside from some deep bruising there are no serious injuries. You should make a full recovery in a few weeks. Is there anything I can get you? Are you hungry? Thirsty?" When I didn't answer him right away – I was too shocked by his concern about my mundane human needs – he sighed and addressed me patiently. "Isabella? I cannot read your mind."

The copper haired boy, Edward, snorted loudly from across the room. His little companion giggled girlishly and lightly backhanded his stomach. Not wanting to displease any of them I whipped around to answer him so quickly I nearly lost my balance and started to fall off the bed. Two strong, cold arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me up against a chiseled, unyielding chest before I could do something utterly stupid – like bleed in a room full of vampires.

"Easy, Isabella. I would hate to see you add a concussion to your list of damages." I looked up slowly and saw a guarded sort of humor glinting in Carlisle's eyes. He held me up against him for a moment longer and then slowly released me. Thankfully, I kept my balance and lowered my butt back to the bed without further incident.

"I am a little hungry," I answered in a small voice and then rushed to add, "If it's not too much trouble."

Carlisle smiled kindly and shook his head. "Of course not, no trouble at all. Esme, would you mind getting our guest something to eat?"

"I would be happy to." The caramel headed woman positively beamed at me before gliding out of the room with her very tall, very quiet, partner in tow.

"While she is making your meal, would you mind if I asked you a few questions?" Carlisle clasped his hands in his lap and regarded me calmly.

"Of course," I replied quickly. So far he had shown no aggression towards me and I was determined to keep it that way.

"How did you come to be with your last . . . acquaintances?" He words were carefully chosen, but I knew who he referred to without further explanation. I tried to repress a shudder and failed miserably.

"They found me out camping with my friends," I told him in a weak voice.

"I see. Was that in Washington?" he asked. I nodded and blurted out a question before I could think better of it.

"Where am I now?" My eyes went wide when I realized I had spoken without permission and I clapped my hand over my mouth. "I'm sorry! I –"

"Isabella, there is no need to apologize," he interrupted and held his hand up to stop me talking. "I am sure you have many questions of your own, and I will do my utmost to answer them all as honestly as I can. Provided you do me the same courtesy, agreed?"

Was he serious? I decided to throw caution to the wind and just go with it, but I was sure he could read my guardedness in my face even when I nodded.

"To answer your question, you are in northern Alaska."

I sat very still and tried to process this new information. Some very small part of me was somehow grateful I was still on American soil, although I couldn't think of a rational reason why.

"You said you were camping with friends. What happened to them?" Carlisle gently inquired. I couldn't help my reaction. Tears stung my eyes and my stomach lurched when the gruesome images of Angela, Jess, and Mike's last moments crashed into the forefront of my mind. I wrapped my arms around my torso and tried to contain the painful sob that was aching to be let free. "That's alright, Isabella. I think I understand."

I looked back up at him and blinked to clear my vision, traitorous tears streaking down my cheeks. He didn't look angry though, just immeasurably sad. I had to fight the ridiculous impulse to reach and out and offer him some sort of comfort. I mentally slapped myself for such a horrifically stupid thought. He was a murdering demon, not a person! He was probably just sorry he didn't get to them first to suck the marrow from their bones. Somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice whispered about how kind he had been to me in spite of my reactions, but I tried to shove that down. It was probably just a mind game. I'd heard a lot about the talents and powers their kind could possess.

"Do you know what happened to the other vampires you were with?" Edward suddenly spoke up. His voice was soft, but nowhere near as gentle or soothing as Carlisle's.

"Um . . . I don't know exactly. I think they're . . . dead?" Could they die again? I had no idea. I was new to all of this.

"Were they torn apart and burned?" the male with the Latin accent questioned. He had spoken kindly to me before, too after they had rescued me. I felt safe enough to answer with a little nod. And color me crazy, but he looked relieved when I had.

"All except the woman," Edward muttered angrily. I flinched from the venom in his voice and the implication of his words. She was still alive? She was the worst one. I trembled in fear and immediately scanned to the room just to be sure she wasn't lurking in the corner. Not that I could see her if she wanted to remain hidden. That was her favorite game, after all. Sneak up on the human. Her second favorite had been taunting the males into being more 'creative' with me.

"Do not worry your dear little head, my darling girl," the Irish woman trilled with a soft smile. She slowly approached and sat at the foot of the bed. "We'll not let them harm a hair on you again, you hear?"

I nodded even though I didn't believe her. She sighed sadly and looked back at Edward who smiled lovingly at her.

"She will, just give her time. She's been through a lot," he murmured.

I was confused and realized I must have missed something one of them had said, but knew that it was going to happen whenever they decided to speak too quietly for me to hear. The others had done that, too. I could usually decipher a few words and would notice if their mouths were moving, but when I used it to my advantage once it had almost meant the end of my life.

All of a sudden the four still in the room with me all turned to look out the open door. Carlisle smiled widely and glanced up at Edward, who shared his mirthful expression.

"You had to know she'd come for this. I'm surprised she didn't call and warn us, really." They were doing it again. Edward was answering some question or comment I had missed. I just tried to ignore it. It didn't pay to be too curious. Curiosity had only ever led to pain, and lots of it. But apparently I wasn't a very fast learner.

"What's happening?" He did say I could ask questions, right? How bad could it be?

Carlisle turned to me and smiled softly. "We have more visitors. It seems they knew you would be here and wanted to see you for themselves."

Oh, shit. My chances of survival just keep going down. I am so screwed.

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**A/N: Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Reviews are lovely and inspire me to update faster :-)**


	3. Gabriel and the Vagabond

**A/N: Thank you to those who have fav'd, rec'd, and reviewed. Here is the next chapter as promised. The song in the title is by Foy Vance. I hope you enjoy it!**

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Carlisle's POV

We had just started making some progress with Isabella when I heard the four of them approach. Once I had let her know of their arrival however, she went right back into full blown panic mode. I desperately wanted to reach over and give her comfort, but I refrained from moving even a millimeter in her direction. She hadn't responded to my close proximity with anything other than fear, so I needed to take things very slowly with her in order to help her become more comfortable with us.

_What do they think of the situation?_

Edward smirked and kept looking overtop Maggie's head towards the sounds of his siblings entrance, but whispered back to me.

"Alice is excited, but is blocking me from her thoughts. Rose and Emmett are merely curious and came to offer their support in case you needed an extra hand once she's turned. They remember their newborn years and think the more hands on deck, the better. Jasper is here because of Alice, but he's wary of the Volturi's interest in a human that already exhibits gifts. He's here to help, too."

I was touched by their concern, but not at all surprised. My children – for lack of a better term – each had their own wonderful qualities and strengths. I was also grateful for their presence. I had a feeling I would need each and every one of my family members in order to handle the situation that had quite literally been dropped on my doorstep. And yet something deep within me surged with overwhelming feelings of protectiveness for the girl that lay before me. Instinctually, I felt there were too many threats to her safety under my roof. The conflicted feelings confused my slightly. I was distracted when Edward suddenly frowned and shook his head.

"Alice, I'm not sure that's a great –"

But he never got a chance to finish because his youngest sister suddenly appeared right in front of me at Isabella's bedside. To her credit, the human girl did not jump or startle at all. She simply stared at the little pixie that stood before us, beaming.

"Hello, Bella," she trilled and stuck out her tiny hand. "I'm Alice."

Isabella stared with wide eyes at Alice's outstretched hand for a long time. Just when I was about to speak and tell Alice that it probably wasn't the best time to make introductions, she tentatively reached out and clasped onto Alice. Alice's smile widened and she gently shook hands with the delicate human still huddled on the bed next to me.

"Hello," she mumbled quietly, but didn't return Alice's smile.

"Esme is just finishing up downstairs with your breakfast. Would you like to join me in the dining room? I'm sure you have loads of questions about us and everything you've been experiencing these past weeks." I watched as Isabella – Bella, according to my daughter – eyed Alice warily, but allowed herself to be pulled from the bed and across the room towards the door.

I rose and followed after her at a respectable distance, not wanting to cause alarm. Edward chuckled and came out after me, his hand tangled with Maggie's. I arched an eyebrow at him, but he shook his head.

"Just Alice being Alice. She's convinced her and Bella will be the best of friends," Edward said loud enough so that Bella could hear him. I saw Bella's shoulders tense up briefly, but Alice whipped around and stuck her tongue out.

"You should know better than to bet against me, big brother," she chided. "You'll lose every time!"

Bella's eyes got wide as she watched their exchange with rapt attention. She was so focused on their antics that she missed the last stair completely and pitched forward towards the floor. Luckily, Jasper was there and caught her easily. Unfortunately his genial smile did nothing to put her at ease, and the sound of her heartbeat picking up to over 160 beats per minute echoed though the room. He only let her be afraid for the briefest of moments before I heard her calm considerably thanks to his substantial gift.

"He needed to, she was absolutely terrified of him, Carlisle," Edward murmured quietly.

"I do not question his motives, it was merely an observation," I replied back with an appreciative nod at Jasper.

"I see you've met my better half. Jasper, meet Bella Swan, my new best friend!" Alice chirped and practically bounced on her toes.

"Tone it down a little, Alice," Edward hissed from behind me, but Jasper shook his head infinitesimally.

"No, don't. For whatever reason, Alice being so happy and familiar is putting Bella at ease, even without my influence. Trust her, Edward. My girl knows what she's doing," he whispered.

Bella turned to give Jasper a shy smile and a wave, completely oblivious of the argument that was happening all around her. It was probably for the best, really. I was certain it would overwhelm her even more.

Alice grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her into the dining room where she guided her to sit at the head of the table. It was my usual spot for family meetings, but I definitely did not mind the seat being commandeered for the time being. Esme breezed in from the kitchen and placed a large plate in front of Bella covered in a thick, fluffy omelet.

"Dude, that smells like ass," Emmett grumbled from the living room, but Rosalie hushed him with a smack to the back of his head. I smiled at their antics.

"Um, wow . . . thank you. You didn't have to go to so much trouble." Bella began to show signs of distress again. She fidgeted with the silverware and bit her lip nervously.

"It was no trouble at all, Isabella, I assure you," Esme reasoned with a small wave.

"Bella," Alice corrected her with a grin. "And really, it's just a cheese omelet. It's not like she made coq au vin or a full Thanksgiving dinner."

Bella gave a tremulous smile and started eating very carefully. I could tell from the way her stomach gurgled and her accelerated breathing that she was clearly restraining herself in how fast she consumed the meal. It made my dead heart clench in my chest.

"Bella, when was the last time you ate something?" I asked as gently as I could. The fork froze halfway to her mouth and she stared up at me with wide, frightened eyes.

"She scared again. You're right though, Carlisle. The girl is clearly half starved. She's trying to show restraint, but her desire is inhale the food is only tampered by her discomfort and fear." Even though Jasper remained in the living room he could still feel Bella's emotions very clearly.

"It's okay. Carlisle is just trying to help you," Alice assured her gently. When Bella didn't respond or move from her stiff position she added very quietly, "Bella, we're not going to take it away from you."

Bella seemed to snap out of her trance and she lowered the fork back to her plate. I could smell the salt from her unshed tears, but she kept her head down and her eyes focused on the food in front of her. I immediately regretted saying anything.

"She doesn't believe you. She's terrified, confused, in pain, and starving. Carlisle, what the hell happened to this girl?" Jasper relayed from the other room.

"She was held captive by some nomads. Somehow the Volturi became aware of her and sought her out. She has not said much since waking up a few hours ago. You probably have a better idea of what she has been through than any of us," I informed him solemnly.

"What about Edward? Can't you see into her mind and tell us how to calm her down?" Emmett was getting frustrated, although I knew it was due to the high levels of distress Rose, Esme, and I were exhibiting.

Edward growled, but Maggie laughed merrily. "Suffice to say my lover is just as much in the dark about our lovely mystery girl as the rest of us."

"Calm the poor thing down, Jasper," Rose requested quietly. "She's probably ready to crack."

"She's stronger than you might think," Jasper murmured back, but I saw Bella's body relax ever so slightly and her breathing slow. Jasper smiled. "Now she's confused and curious. I think she's on to me."

"Bella?" Alice asked. "Can you remember the last time you ate?"

I almost intervened and told Alice to drop the matter and just let the girl be when she raised her eyes and blinked back her tears.

"I don't know . . . three days ago, maybe? I'm not sure. I don't even know what day it is," she whispered in a broken voice.

"Keep eating," Alice commanded her gently. Bella complied without another word.

"Wednesday," Edward answered and appeared in the door behind me. "The nineteenth of October."

Bella paused mid-bite, but then swallowed thickly. Her eyes widened and she nodded once before she cleared her throat at whispered, "Longer than I thought."

"What was longer than you thought?" I could not stop the question from coming out even thought something told me I was not going to like the answer.

She stopped and looked directly at me. "I've been gone longer than I thought. I believed I had only been gone for about six weeks, but it's been closer to ten."

"You've been missing since August?" Esme was aghast. I knew the feeling. How had she managed to survive that long with a group of nomadic vampires?

Bella nodded once and then scooped up the final bites from her plate. Esme could not contain her affection much longer and sat immediately on Bella's right. She leaned forward and stroked her arm caringly as worry creased the lovely brow.

"Oh, you poor dear. Is there anyone you want to contact? We might be able to arrange –" Edward quickly intervened before I was able.

"No, Esme, you know she can't do that," he interrupted. He turned his eyes to Bella and smiled apologetically. "I'm truly sorry, Bella, but you have to understand that people have probably already assumed you to have passed. Informing them you are still alive and then simply falling off the map again would be cruel, and it would raise too many questions."

I could see the warring emotions play out over her lovely face before she settled on a forced ambivalence. "It doesn't matter. There's no one to call anyway."

"Your family?" Esme hedged. I tried not to sigh out of sheer exasperation, but Esme was clearly letting her heart run her mouth again. It was her most common affliction.

"Dead," Bella uttered monotonously. "And the only friends I had joined them on our ill-fated camping excursion. There's no one to look for me, no one to report me missing, no one who cares that I'm gone. There's just . . . me."

In the other room Jasper hissed quietly. I looked up at Edward in question when no explanation of his reaction followed.

"She's in a tremendous amount of emotional pain, even though she isn't showing it outwardly. And she feels utterly alone. All of this is mixed with a rather healthy dose of fear. Honestly, Carlisle I'm surprised the girl is still standing," he informed me as he sifted through Jasper's thoughts.

"Could you please stop doing that?" Bella suddenly snapped from her seat. We all raised our eyes in surprise, except Alice, of course. She was grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"Doing what?" Edward asked slowly. I could practically feel his curiosity, even without the benefit of Jasper's gift.

"You're whispering and talking about me," she challenged in a feisty voice.

"You can hear us?" I asked carefully. I had been practicing medicine for over a hundred years and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that human ears could not detect our voices when we spoke below a certain decibel level.

She snorted and eyed me suspiciously. "Yes, I can. I can hear you whispering, but I can't quite make out all the words. It's rather frustrating."

Edward smirked and turned his head toward the lounge, but kept his eyes trained on Bella. "Jasper, tone it down a bit. You've got her so wound up she's likely to try attacking us, and we all know how that would turn out."

Bella glared balefully at him. "Actually, I might be a bit sturdier than the prey you're used to."

I was floored by her response, but simultaneously my gut churned. The hatred and sureness in her expression combined with her words left me with a heavy feeling of dread. What had this poor girl been exposed to? I fought the urge to growl, unclear as to what exactly had rattled me so.

"Okay, Jasper ease off now. I think she's gotten it out of her system," Alice chimed in with a bright smile.

"What do you mean? What is he doing?" Bella inquired, but the edge was gone from her voice. It had been replaced with a slightly hysterical note.

"Jasper is an empath," Alice explained patiently. "It means he can feel the emotions of everyone around him."  
"I can also project my own emotions onto others and manipulate your emotions," Jasper contributed as he joined us from the other room.

"So that's why . . ." Bella trailed off and her face flushed a beautiful pink.

"I thought you could use a boost of confidence. I could feel your curiosity burning away, but you let your fear hold you back." Jasper's smile faded when all the color suddenly drained from Bella's face. "Hey there, darlin' there's no need for that. You don't need to be afraid here."

"Right, because you aren't the kind of . . . the kind of . . . people," she seemed to choke on the word, "who would manipulate me just for your own sick fun. That would never happen."

"Calm her down, Jasper," I tried to soften my tone so it didn't sound like an order, more of a request, but I may have missed the mark.

"NO!" She shouted and suddenly shot up out of her seat, causing the chair to tip over backwards and crash against the oak floorboards. "No, just please, please stop! Why are you doing this? If you're going to kill me then kill me! Just stop toying with me! I'm not . . . I can't . . ."

I was at her side as soon as she began hyperventilating, not even bothering to move at a human pace. It was a mistake to startle her that way when she was clearly so distressed. She stumbled back from me in an effort to escape, but Alice was already behind her and had her hands up pleadingly.

"Easy, Bella, no one in this house is going to hurt you," she said in a calm, but firm voice. Bella's eyes darted wildly around the room before Jasper rose very, very slowly from his chair.

"Bella, I know you're terribly frightened, and extremely confused, but please believe my wife when she tells you that you are in no danger here. Now, I don't want to have to use my influence on you again, but I will if you can't calm yourself down. You're scaring the good doctor here," he said and jerked his thumb in my direction. "He thinks you're going to up and have a heart attack in his dining room."

Her deep brown eyes continued to flit over each of us before they settled on mine. Perhaps I had been too preoccupied with her health and well-being before to truly appreciate strikingly beautiful and warm they are. I held her gaze unblinkingly and reached forward oh so slowly to gently grasp her delicate hand between my own. I gently traced patterns over her silken skin, trying desperately not to delight in the way she seemed to settle at my touch.

"Very good, Bella," I soothed her with hushed tones. "Just breathe."

Once her breathing returned to a less alarming rate and her heart began to beat within the normal range for a healthy human woman, I let the relief I was determined to hold off flood through me. I had never been very comfortable with other people's distress, but for some reason the sight of this human girl in the throes of an anxiety attack made me feel equally pained and helpless. The sensation was unpleasant and very unnerving.

One thing I was very certain of; Isabella Swan was not your average human.

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**A/N: Any thoughts? Questions and comments are always welcome :-)**


	4. Broken

**A/N: Thank you to those who read and review :-) I've gone and posted this chapter a whole day early just for you! The song for the title is by Lifehouse. Enjoy!**

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Bella's POV

There was just something about this one that I couldn't explain. It wasn't entirely unpleasant, this effect he had on me, but it was alarming at times just how much I seemed comforted by his mere presence. After my unfortunate display down in the dining room I was ushered into a rather cozy living area. A fire crackled merrily away in the large stone fireplace while the muted grey light of an overcast morning filtered in through the large windows that dominated the front wall. I was momentarily distracted from the danger of my situation – what with being surrounded by no less than ten bloodthirsty vampires – to appreciate the sweeping view of the surrounding mountains and lush green forest that lay just outside. I held to quell the sudden urge run for my very life into the deceptive safety of the dense wood. I knew all too well that it was impossible to outrun any of them. The consequences from the first – and last – time I tried rocked through my body in painful reminder.

I turned my attention back to the coven that surrounded me and tried to push the fear down enough that it wouldn't be quite so obvious. I had a feeling that they weren't all horrible and monstrous. Esme and Alice seemed lovely, homicidal survival tendencies aside, of course. Even Edward and Jasper appeared friendly enough, though I was still very suspicious of their true motives. The dark one, Laurent, could be nice when he wanted something, too. I just would have to wait and they would show their hands soon enough. Their kind wasn't especially patient I had learned. All except for their leader, Carlisle, but I refused to dwell on the feelings that stirred within me when I stopped to look in his eyes for any length of time. It was dangerous for me to believe their lies, to trust in anything any of them had to say, no matter how nicely they said it.

"You're still suspicious," Edward said, breaking the silence. I slowly turned to look at him.

"What gives you that idea?" I hedged carefully, neither confirming nor denying his statement. He had an excellent poker face, so I couldn't be sure if he was bluffing or not.

"I can read minds," Edward replied with a one shoulder shrug.

Horrified that he might be telling the truth, I felt all the color drain from my face. The room swam dangerously before my eyes. It wasn't until the tiny redhead in his lap slapped his arm and glowered at him that he cracked a smile. I huffed out a breath, relieved that he was lying.

"Tell her the truth, lover," the woman scolded him. He looked unrepentant.

"I did, technically."

"What my illustrious brother is failing to mention, Bella, is that he can read every mind in this room, except for yours," Alice clued me in with a wink.

"Really?" I asked before I could stop myself and think better of it. Everyone chuckled except for Edward. He grimaced.

"It's not really all that amusing," he complained lowly. I tended to agree with him. I didn't think the fact that he could read minds at all was very funny. Never mind that I seemed to be immune to his powers. I always knew I was . . . different. I just didn't know my uniqueness would affect the supernatural realm as well as the human one. It was oddly discomforting. I wasn't all that inclined to believe they were being truthful with me anyway.

"So then how did you know what I was thinking?" I challenged. He smirked again and pointed at Jasper. My face must have shown my confusion.

"I can feel what you're feeling, and Edward can read my mind. He can get a vague idea of what's going on in your head by default," Jasper explained.

I did not like the sound of this. It was dangerous enough for me when I was able to at least somewhat hide my true feelings from the last lot of vile creatures that held me captive. With the gifts this group possessed I'd be lucky to live until Sunday. How was I going to be able to lie my way out of trouble and try to make them believe I really meant the falsehoods I spouted to preserve my mind and body too many wounds?

"Maybe we should all be as forthcoming as Edward and Jasper," Carlisle suddenly suggested from where he stood by the mantle. My eyes shot up to meet his for a brief moment, but I was too afraid I would feel that strange hypnotic sensation again if I stared too long. I looked away before it could really suck me in.

"I like that idea!" Alice enthused and turned to face me head on. "I'm a kind of psychic. I can see things that might happen, and some things that definitely will happen, but most destinies can change based on what people's decisions are."

I was stunned. She had precognitive abilities? Did that mean –?

"No, before you ask, I could not see you coming until Marcus and Aro decided you needed to be here rather than brought straight to Italy."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise, but I merely nodded to show I understood even though I was completely lost. What the hell was in Italy?

"I can sense gifts in vampires and sometimes in human." The olive toned man, whom I now knew to be Eleazar, told me from his seat on the sofa across from me.

"Yeah, I remember you saying something about that when I was brought to you," I whispered. I knew they could hear me, so I didn't feel the need to speak up.

"I sense a great power within you, Isabella," he informed me seriously. I didn't want to talk about that with so many witnesses, so I merely nodded. I wasn't sure exactly what they knew about me and I didn't want to give them any more power over me than they already had. It had kept me alive so far. Without my 'gift' I would certainly be dead. I don't know another human that could withstand the same treatment I had and still have a heartbeat. I tried to keep the images that were proof of that knowledge from flashing through my mind.

"And I can tell if someone is being truthful or not," the little redhead piped up from Edward's lap.

"Like a polygraph?" I asked curiously. She nodded. That would be a useful gift to have. I would have to find a way to get into her good graces. I knew where to start.

"I'm sorry, but I still don't know all your names."

"I'm Maggie," she introduced herself and then went around and pointed at the others who had arrived this morning. "The man next to Esme is her husband, Garrett. That's Emmett and his wife, Rosalie. Do you remember everyone else's names?" I nodded and Maggie grinned at me. I guess she approved of my honesty.

"Why don't we play fair and take turns answering questions. I'll let you know if one of these rascals is anything but one hundred percent honest. How does that sound, Bella?" Maggie offered with a genuine smile.

I was instantly on my guard. This had to be just another way to try and ferret personal weaknesses out me. It didn't really matter though since I could hardly refuse. I knew I had to word my response carefully otherwise she would sense my deception. I decided to really test this theory that they weren't going to hurt me and just be brutally honest.

"That sounds unrealistic and impossibly dangerous for me," I replied evenly. To my utter astonishment Maggie grinned and clapped her hands together loudly. Alice even nodded her approval at my response. It was very disarming.

"I like the cut of your gem, Bella!" Maggie exclaimed. I took that to mean something positive and tried to smile back.

"You've got guts, girl. Not many would in a room full of vampires," Rosalie commented with a sort of glint in her eye I wasn't entirely comfortable with. She had an air about her that was hugely intimidating. I would have to be careful of her. She reminded me too much of the other female I had . . . interacted with.

"You can trust us, Bella," Esme said kindly.

"No, I can't," I blurted out without thinking. This time no one smiled.

"You really believe that," Maggie said evenly.

"I know it," I countered. Apparently what I didn't know was when to shut the hell up.

"You are very wrong," Edward said not unkindly. Before I could respond he rushed to ask, "You mentioned that you thought we were going to kill you."

And there is it was. At least one of them was ready to get down to business. I nodded once and straightened my back. If it was my time I would at least try to go out with some dignity.

"Do you want to die?" Edward questioned. "I thought you were here to be changed?"

I hesitated. I had been asked this, in a roundabout way, before. "Same difference."

"It's a big difference," Rosalie shot back. I tried not to flinch.

"Not to me," I argued. I could tell I was getting to her. That was good. Maybe she would make the decision for me. I didn't think I could make it for myself.

"What exactly did Marcus tell you, Bella?" Carlisle asked gently. I looked up at him in confusion. He smiled and explained, "The man in the black robe with the long, dark hair."

"I never spoke to him. I talked to the other one." I shuddered at the memory and tried not to let my fear and revulsion take over.

"Demetri?" Carlisle checked and I nodded and half shrugged. If that's what his name was. He never told me.

"He told me I was special," I had to choke the words out, but I squeezed my eyes shut when the memories overwhelmed me.

_You think you're so goddamned special, don't you, whore? Let's see just how special he thinks you are once I let Laurent have his way with you._

My hands fisted in my lap and I tried to slow my breathing. "No, no, no, no. Not now," I whispered and tried to shake the terrifying images from my head.

"Bella?" Jasper appeared in front of me suddenly and I wasn't able to contain the flinch at his close proximity.

_You smell so sweet, Bellissima. I don't think I can deny myself the pleasure._

Bile rose in my stomach and I fought hard to keep my breakfast down. The tangle of emotions I had to fight on a daily basis crept through me and wound like thorn covered weeds around my heart and lungs, constricting painfully. I had to force myself to keep breathing. I would not show this weakness around those who could exploit them the most effectively. But it was too late. The emotions were loose and running out of control, bringing with them the nightmares I longed to keep hidden deep in the recesses of my damaged soul.

The artificial wave of calm that washed over me was all the help I needed. I sucked in a deep breath and concentrated hard. As I exhaled I felt all the tension leave my body and all emotion evaporate like mist in the morning sun until all that was left was a blissfully empty void at my core. Once I was certain my shut down was complete I slowly opened my eyes and was immediately met with Jasper's large, shocked golden orbs.

"How in hell did you do that?" he barely breathed the words out, but I head him clearly enough. I shrugged and looked away from him.

"Next question please," I said in a flat voice. Now that I was prepared, I was sure I could handle anything they threw at me.

"I just asked you one." Jasper clearly wasn't going to let this go. I breathed steadily and kept gazing over his head and into the dancing flames behind him.

"Talents of a misspent youth," I answered vaguely. I wouldn't give him any more than that. He knew too much already. I would have to be careful around him from now on.

Before anyone else could speak I felt something pressing against my chest. I knew it wasn't physical – in fact, I knew exactly what it was. I could feel the hint of different emotional tones with each passing attempt. The first was happiness, the second was anger, but the last was a whopping dose of fear that barely tickled my subconscious. I sighed and gave him a half-hearted glare.

"Would you please stop that?" I requested dully. The only downside to turning off was that I had very flat affect until I decided to I'd had enough or that it was safe enough to switch back on. My emotions had always been all or nothing, which was how I learned how to channel this into something that was useful and protective for me.

"That's incredible," Carlisle said in a hushed voice. Jasper's frown indicated that he clearly had other adjectives he would care to use, but thankfully just went to sit back by Alice, who was, curiously, still smiling. Maybe she'd seen that I could do this. I wonder what else she knew about me.

"You were telling us about what Demetri explained to you," Eleazar hedged. I nodded and picked the story back up.

"He told me that humans that knew about your existence were usually exterminated, but that they knew I would be very unique once I was turned. He said it was a huge honor for the Volturi to take notice of a human at all, and that I should be eternally grateful to whoever decided to sire me." I didn't have to repress a shudder or flood of traumatizing images since I had firm control and remained comfortably numb. It didn't matter that I knew what his version of 'grateful' means. I could dwell on that later when my fears could be dissected privately.

"You were offered a choice of either being turned, or being killed?" Maggie checked out. Something about my story seemed to bother her.

"Yes," I replied simply. "And that's why they sent me here. To come up with a choice, if you could call it that."

I was met with silence all around me. It was interesting to me, now that I couldn't feel anything and only relied on my cognitive abilities to guide me, how alarmed they all seemed by my tale. I would have thought my options were the norm among their kind. The other three had given me a similar ultimatum, only with far less benefit to me no matter which I chose. I was still going to be their plaything to use every which way they wanted.

"You never agreed to be changed?" Rosalie asked in a hard voice. Without fear to motivate me it barely even registered.

"Not technically, no. I still have some reservations about . . . the dietary needs I will have," I said as delicately as I could manage. Just because I had turned into a robot didn't mean my brain or preservation instincts weren't running properly. I didn't have any wish to piss them off with my judgments.

"That is understandable," Carlisle said diplomatically. I chanced a look at him again and was unnerved to find that even with my feelings well and truly boxed up and put away, I still felt some sort of pull towards him. I decided to just stop looking at him. It seemed to help a little, but not nearly enough.

"Maybe if we talked more about that we could ease some of your fears, or at least give you some clarity around your options," Esme offered graciously.

My face didn't betray my thoughts and stayed completely blank. That was the last thing I wanted to discuss. I had no interest in whatever special delicacies they indulged in to give their eyes that unique glow among their kind. From what I had already been told by the others, there was a special kind of hell for creatures like them and I would be damned if I joined them in their pursuits of such innocence.

"Maybe later. If you all don't mind, I am really tired and would like to sleep." I was pushing my luck and I knew it, but keeping up this wall was physically and mentally exhausting and I had been doing it so often lately that was I burning out so much faster than I normally would. I needed a break.

"Of course. Please make yourself comfortable, Bella. If there is anything you need at all, please don't hesitate to ask us." Esme rose and gestured toward the stairs.

One of the flukes with trapping away all my emotions was that I no longer had any incentive to keep my mental filter in full operation. This allowed me to say whatever fool thing came to mind without thinking about it first. Which was probably why I offered a slight smile to the most motherly vampire I had ever met and said, "Thank you, Esme. I didn't think it was possible for any of you to be kind. You are steadily proving me wrong."

With that I turned and trudged up the stairs. I barely made it under the fluffy feather duvet before my eyes fluttered closed and I surrendered to the darkness.

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**A/N: I am purposefully cryptic about her past experiences and her abilities. Don't worry, it will all come out in the wash. Reviews are love and make me post faster!**


	5. Enter Sandman

**A/N: I have a present for you: an early chapter! Now, this one is rather short, but it was the best place to stop. The next chapter will be up on its usual day. The song/title is by Metallica. Try listening to it when you read. It adds an extra dimension. Enjoy! **

**Thanks to those who keep reviewing. I would love to see one of my stories make it over 1,000 reviews, but it takes all of you to make that happen for me.**

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Jasper's POV

Bella had been struggling through sleep for over an hour now. She tossed, she turned, and occasionally she let out a sharp word or keening whimper. Her emotions – for someone deep in slumber – were amazing strong, but constantly shifted from one unpleasant sensation to another. Actually, unpleasant might be something of an understatement. What Bella was currently experiencing was outright torment. Her distress had become so evident that it had driven several of our family from the house to hunt and escape the constant scent of her fear and adrenaline laced blood.

"Alice," I tried again, but she merely shook her head. I had wanted to intervene several times already, but my wife would have none of it.

"I've already told you, Jazz. This is necessary. She has to wake up on her own and the events that follow will help her trust us more. She'll never address her fears and concerns without this push. Please, trust me. I know it's difficult, but the end result is well worth it." Alice wrapped her arms around me and I was able to bask in the comfort of her love and adoration. It offered enough relief that I didn't have the immediate urge to go up those stairs and shroud Bella in calm and tranquility.

"No, no more. Stop. STOP!" she suddenly howled and her thrashing intensified.

Rosalie, who had remained behind with Emmett, Carlisle, and Eleazar, stared up and the room where Bella lay in the throes of her nightmares. She grimaced and I felt her frustration, curiosity, and above all, concern. Her amber eyes were suddenly focused on mine and her mood shifted slightly to include determination.

All of us had started out in the living room, discussing the possibly implications of having Bella here. We were all most concerned about her decision to become an immortal, especially since she hadn't technically agreed to. At least not without being under a great amount of emotional duress. And then there was the fact that Edward couldn't read her mind, which was enough, but on top that she possessed the unique ability to shut off all her emotions and even became impervious to my attempts at projecting feelings onto her. She was baffling and mysterious, two things that I did not like very much. Given my own personal history and upbringing I preferred things to be explainable and relatively straightforward. This girl was giving me none of that, at least until she had passed out and let her guard down.

It had started with simple murmurs in her sleep. There were a few words that were easily discernible, names mostly. Pleas for Charlie and Renee, Jessica and Mike were repeated and mixed with grief and fear. Then there was Bree. Whoever this girl had been to Bella it was obvious that something terrible had happened to her. Whenever she was mentioned there were incredible guilt, anguish, and a deep feeling of something akin to disgust. But the most telling where when the names James, Victoria, and Laurent were spit angrily. There was so much hatred and anger that lay under the fear that I had little doubt that they were the nomads responsible for her current condition.

At some point during her fitful tossing and turning Carlisle had moved from his seat near the window to lean against the banister. When a terrified scream rent the air I saw him move to sit halfway up the stairs. After that each time she made a sound of distress he inched closer and closer to her room until he was on floor, head rested against her closed bedroom door. The emotional turmoil that swam though him was somewhat expected, given his pacifistic nature and the care he had always shown to living creatures. However, there was something else that lay just under all his topical emotions. It was running on such a low frequency that I could have ignored it, but there was something there that I easily recognized from spending centuries around our kind. I was more than a little surprized that it existed whenever he was in close proximity to a human, though. But now was not the time to address such anomalies. I doubted that he even was aware of its presence; he was so focused on the much more pressing feelings of concern and sadness that surrounded him like a thick, heavy fog.

"No, not her!" Bella suddenly screamed. She was terrified again, and the guilt was there in full force. "She's too . . . take me. Me. Just a baby . . ." Her emotions shifted again and I shuddered against Alice. She whispered loving, comforting words against my neck and stroked my hair.

"Show me." Rose's request needed no further explanation, but I hesitated. I did not think this was a very good idea. I had a pretty good idea what Bella was dreaming about and I didn't think Rose needed a reminder of her own horrific past by experiencing someone else's feelings around the same subject.

"It's okay, Jazz." Alice tucked her head against my shoulder and held my hand. I nodded and concentrated on isolating Bella's emotions from all others before I projected them onto Rosalie. Fear was the most prevalent and I knew it to be the strongest, but it was tightly wound around revulsion, anger, and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. There was a great deal of pain, both physical and emotional, but underlying senses of determination and protection as well. Whatever else could be said about Bella Swan, she was obviously a fighter.

I didn't hold back with the intensity I projected, though in hindsight it may have been a good idea. I also should have pulled back the instant Rosalie's eyes went flat black and a feral growl ripped through her chest. Emmett tried to wrap his arms around her, but she was up and across the room, out the door and demolishing the forest beyond the reach of human ears before he was able to stop her. He leveled me with a fierce glare, his aggravation and disapproval quite clear, before he darted out the open door after her.

"Alice, how much longer does she have to suffer like this?" Carlisle called down in a tight voice. This was becoming too much for him. I tried to send him a wave of calm, but he didn't want it. "Don't," he said to me, so I backed off.

"We're almost there. Please trust me, Carlisle. Bella is not the only one of us who will benefit from this process," my better half murmured soothingly. I could feel our leader's doubt, but it was overcome by the overwhelming confidence he often placed in his family. He trusted Alice and that was the only reason he allowed this continue without interference.

Determination, camaraderie, and deep protective vibes slammed into me as Rosalie ran back into the house and bolted up the stairs. I raised an eyebrow at my wife, but she merely smiled softly and kissed my cheek. From her feelings I drew the conclusion that everything was working out how she had hoped, so I allowed myself to relax a little.

"Rosalie, Alice advised us not to disturb her," Carlisle tried as the troubled blonde went to move past him.

"I don't give a rat's ass, Carlisle," she bit out. "Out of everyone in this house I am the only one who truly understands her fears."

"You cannot know that for sure," he hedged, but I could sense his confusion and hesitation.

"Jasper showed me," she hissed and tried to move past him again. This time he made it easier for her. The door creaked open and her light footfalls stopped at the edge of Bella's bed. I heard the mattress shift and figured Rose was sitting next to her now.

"It's all right now, Bella." Her voice was softer than I'd ever heard it. Rosalie had the unfortunate reputation as a cold, heartless bitch. It couldn't be further from the truth. The simple fact was the she felt things very deeply and had a sense of empathy that rivaled even Carlisle's. This was evident by the emotions she was projecting now. She cared about this fragile human girl almost as much as she did for any of us, if only because she knew they had something terrible in common.

Bella whined and her heart thrummed wildly in her chest as her fear spiked. Carlisle's worry multiplied at the sounds.

"Touching her might not be the best course of action," he murmured, but under his concern there was a hint of envy and longing. It was very interesting given the current emotional climate.

"Carlisle, she needs –" she started to argue, but was cut off by Bella's earthshattering scream. Whatever had happened in her mind had obviously come to a dramatic climax. I could feel consciousness trying to break through.

"I don't want it! Kill me! JUST KILL ME!" she wailed.

Fear, desperation, pain – there was too much for me to handle. Alice wrapped her arms firmly around me and trailed kisses along my brow and face. I buried my head in her shoulder and trying to contain my own agony. I had never known a human to feel things so immensely. Her emotions rivaled that of a newborn vampire. Eleazar seemed to be under the impression that she wasn't entirely human. It was a troubling possibility.

And then just like that, everything stopped. I felt instant relief from the torrent of negativity I had received from her over the past seventy eight minutes. It was replaced with a steadily rising sense of insecurity, fear, and wonder.

"What you are both doing in here?" her voice was rough from sleep and her raw screams. Dread spiked and a wave of nausea passed through her. Rose must have noticed something on the girl's face because she rushed to reassure her.

"You were having some very troubling nightmares from the sounds of things. We came in to check on you and see if you needed anything."

Bella's heart thundered. Her fear had not abated one iota, and a sense of anticipation now wound through her as well. "Sorry if I bothered you," she mumbled.

"You did nothing of the sort, Bella," Carlisle said softly. I heard the floorboards shift and her emotions went haywire. I was practically choking on her fear and alarm. Underneath it all I felt something tugging at her, some small sense of security, but it was completely smothered by everything. And then an overwhelming sense of resignation swam through her.

I tried to send her some courage. There were questions on the tip of her tongue, but she was so terrified I knew she would never ask them. I must have overdone it because she suddenly erupted in fury fueled by panic.

"Why do you keep dragging this out?" she shouted. I heard the bed shift. "I know what you want, what your _rights_ are," she spat. "Just do it already! Once you've finished, the rest of them can have their turn. Let's see how many of you I can survive this time!"

Horror crashed over Carlisle at her words and a sense of understanding mixed with an overwhelming sadness and regret slammed into him in almost the same instant.

"My God . . ." he whispered.

"God forsook me a long time ago, vampire," Bella uttered coldly.

Rosalie merely felt a sense of accuracy wrapped firmly around her sympathy. If she were capable of tears I had no doubt she would be shedding them. She was so focused on her own feelings that when Bella suddenly shifted from the bed and ran out of the room she was too slow to react and stop her. I made to stand up, but Alice held me firmly in place and shook her head once.

"Stay here no matter what. I've got this," she informed me and darted off to the kitchen. I could hear her opening drawers and cabinets, the sound of metal instruments clanking together making their way to my ears.

Bella shot past me with surprising grace, bolting straight for the kitchen as well. I heard her freeze in her tracks before she obviously grabbed something off the counter. Her fear was crippling, but it was her fierce determination that held my rapt attention.

"You won't achieve what you are hoping to, Bella." I could hear my mate trying to reason with her, but I figured she was too far gone.

"Carlisle," I called. He was at my side in an instant. "You were able to settle her before. Try again."

He looked so broken as he practically drowned in his anger, sadness, and regret. "I am the last person who should be anywhere near her. Jasper, she was . . . they . . ." He could not even voice his fears for her, or his pain.

"I know. It doesn't take Freud to figure out why she's reacting so violently to us. Add to that the emotions that keep rolling off of her, it leaves little doubt in my mind." I rested my hand on his shoulder and sent him tranquility. He smiled gratefully. "Go to her. I know you don't see it, but there is something about you she innately trusts, even though I am willing to bet she doesn't mean to. She fights it, but I don't think she's strong enough to right now."

His doubt and uncertainty rang through loud and clear. "I'm not certain . . ."

"I am," I encouraged. "I'll be right here to assist if needs be."

He trusted me. He was in the kitchen before I resumed my seat on the chair by the fire. Rose came in and shot me a cursory glance, but I waved her in the same direction. We both knew she had been right, she understood better than the rest of us what would make Bella feel more secure. Her presence would only help and keep matters from getting out of hand.

I closed my eyes and waited for the scene to play out.

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**A/N: Reviews could lead to earlier updates! I think I've been pretty good so far. How about you reward me :-)**


	6. The Gift

**A/N: Thank you to those who favorite, follow, and review. And the rest of you who just read it :-) I've got a very busy weekend, so I am posting this early. You're welcome! **

**So, I have a teeny, tiny request. I have just finished the last of my Bachelor's Degree (HOORAY!) and would really appreciate a graduation present from all of you. I really want to see this story get 1,000 reviews. So, if all of you who read will just leave a little note, or word, or smiley face at the end of each chapter, I think I can actually see us getting there in no time flat. So what do you say? Help a girl out.**

**Song is by Seether. Have a listen. It's pretty good. **

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Bella's POV

I could do this. I have to this. I refuse to become a creature of darkness, no matter how beautiful they appear to be. I will end this here and now.

It was almost too easy. I had run past a whole house of supernatural creatures without being stopped by any one of them. Even though Alice was seemingly waiting for me in kitchen, there was a large carving knife that just happened to be on the butcher block. I shuddered when I thought of exactly what or who had been dismantled on it recently. I would not be their next meal. I refused to be a victim anymore. They couldn't make me.

"You won't achieve what you are hoping to, Bella." The knife was already pressed against the thin flesh on my wrist, but Alice's words gave me pause.

"You don't know that," I practically growled. It was now or never. I mentally calculated the odds of her reaching over and stopping me before I spilled a drop of my precious blood.

"I do, actually. You won't die because we won't let you. Carlisle will save you. All you will have succeeded in doing is injuring yourself and making it so that you have round the clock babysitters. You'll never be left alone again; Edward will make sure of it. Please, Bella just put it down and talk to me. I want to be your friend." Alice looked so sincere I felt my resolve waiver slightly.

"You wrong about us you know," she continued sadly. "If you would just tell us what you're so afraid of, maybe we could help ease some of your fears. We're not the monsters you're used to."

I snorted indelicately. "Sure, sure. That's what the other one said, too. Then I spent almost three months in the second and seventh circles of hell! You have no idea what I had to endure just to survive! You can't even fathom, none of you can!"

"Rosalie can," Alice replied with a shake of her head. "That's why she tried to help you after your nightmares."

"NO!" I screamed suddenly. I didn't want to hear anything else about them. I didn't care, couldn't care. It was most likely all lies anyway. I had seen firsthand just how skillfully they could deceive people. All those girls who were promised survival if they just did what they were told, if they were 'good girls'. It was all for naught in the end. And some of them were so young, like Bree . . .

"She speaks the truth."

I whirled around and saw Carlisle approaching through the dining room with his hands raised in surrender. My heart thundered against my ribs and my mouth went dry. They were ganging up on me, trying to stop me, to take my choices away. I pressed the knife harder against my skin. I warm tickle on my arm alerted me to the cut I had just made. I knew this was it. No going back now. I closed my eyes and waited for chaos to erupt around me, for them to fight over my body and drain me dry. I counted my racing heartbeats, as I was sure they were to be my last. I reached one hundred and fifty seven before I opened my eyes again. They were still there, both of them. I was still alive. No one attacked me.

Carlisle tentatively stepped towards me, all the while keeping his golden eyes locked on mine. I gasped and did a double take. Gold, his eyes were still gold. They hadn't gone the deep black I knew their eyes turned when they were about to feed. I was so shocked by his utter lack of reaction to my blood that I didn't resist at all when he reached forward and plucked the knife from my grasp. Alice immediately wrapped my cut arm in gauze while I stood there and stared him, slack jawed.

"Miss Swan, that was a very foolish thing you did just now. Could you please explain to me what you were hoping to accomplish?" Carlisle's voice was soft and patient, his face calm. I could formulate no response. Was he scolding me? How the hell was I still breathing?

Alice took me gently by the elbow and guided me to the dining room before pressing me into one of the high backed chairs. The change of location barely registered with me. I stared at the mahogany table top and tried to make sense of what had just happened, but I was coming up blank.

"Bella, do you want me to get Jasper in here to help you?" Alice offered kindly. I was going to shake my head, but then I figured why the hell not? So far it seemed like everything I knew about their kind didn't apply to them, so why not just let them take the lead. I nodded.

He appeared at my side suddenly and I couldn't help flinching a little. Rosalie walked past him, smacked him on the shoulder, and then sat down on my other side. Alice and Carlisle remained across the table from me. Carlisle folded his hands and placed them on the table in front of him.

"Now, Bella it seems like you have some misconceptions about how my family and I conduct ourselves. Please allow us to clear things up for you." He was very formal and calm, but I sensed unease in him. I wondered if he was going to start lying and it made him nervous.

"I want to be extremely clear regarding one matter that I believe has been causing you a great deal of fear and distress. Bella, no one in this home will ever touch you against your will in any way, do you understand?" He leaned forward slightly and locked eyes with me. I felt like his amber gaze was cutting right through me and penetrating to my very soul. His words barely even registered with me, and yet for some unknown reason I felt the intense need to reassure him. I nodded emphatically. He didn't look convinced and sighed heavily before turning to look at Jasper.

Fear shot though me and I squeaked out, "Yes! I understand! I do, really. He doesn't need to . . . please, don't . . ." I wasn't sure what he was going to do exactly, but I was certain that it was going to hurt.

"Bella, calm down," Jasper murmured next to me. I whipped around to look at him and saw that rather than anger or intimidation, his face was creased with worry. I felt a wave of calm settle over me and knew he was using his gift to settle me down. I didn't understand why.

"You're confused." It was a question as I knew he could feel it, so I nodded. "Why? What are you thinking?"

"I don't know why you're helping me right now," I said before I could stop myself. So far I had been able to say whatever I wanted without repercussion. If they were as sincere as I was starting to hope they were, then maybe it would be okay for me to trust them a little and speak. I tried to quash that feeling the instant it registered. Hope was too dangerous with the risks already alarmingly high.

"It's okay to believe us when we say you're safe here," he said instead of answering my question. I shook my head. Not in disagreement, but in sheer disbelief. He couldn't be serious.

"But I'm not safe, am I? I'm food or . . . or . . ." I couldn't' finish that thought. I shivered as revulsion swept over me. It was quickly replaced by a warm sense of contentment. I lifted my eyes to meet his and shook my head again. What was he playing at?

"You are nothing of the sort," Carlisle informed me with such gentleness I felt tears prickle at the back of my eyes. When I met his gaze again there was something there I hadn't ever seen before. It was intense and powerful, knocking the breath from my lungs. Alice grinned and giggled, snapping my attention away from him again.

"Don't forget to breathe, Bella," she teased lightly. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath and sucked in a deep lungful of air when my vision went fuzzy around the edges.

"Is that your power? Are you hypnotic or something?" I focused on the tabletop until titters of laughter chimed around me. I glanced up at him again and saw a small smile tugging at his perfect lips. It made him look oddly youthful. He looked up at me from under his lashes briefly before glancing down at his folded hands again.

"No, I'm afraid I do not possess any extra gifts. I am quite ordinary as far as our kind goes," he informed me quietly. I snorted indelicately at the thought of someone so utterly gorgeous being described as ordinary, and then slapped my hand over my face in horror. His eyes widened in momentary surprise, but then his pursed. I think he was trying not to smile.

"Why don't I make you a deal, Bella," Jasper offered with a tentative smile. "I will use my gift on you to keep you calm. In return, you ask the questions that make your curiosity burn so hot I practically feel it coming off of you in waves." I opened my mouth to object, but he held up a finger and carried on. "If at any point you indicate to me that you want me to stop, I swear I will. But Bella, I really hope you will trust me with this. You're so terrified all the time. It's not good for your health and it quite frankly, it's exhausting. I can't quite figure out how you're still standing after so little sleep."

"Adrenaline is a wonderful thing," I muttered drily. My eyes widened in surprize when I didn't feel the tell-tale signs of panic swell within me at my blatant sarcasm and backtalk. I cocked a brow at Jasper. He nodded once in confirmation. The force was strong with this one.

"You could have waited until she agreed," Alice chided, but she was grinning widely. Rosalie sniffed and examined her nails with mock disinterest.

"Like you didn't see this coming," she shot back at the little dark haired pixie. She was so tiny and cute, but the knowledge of what she was capable of kept me from feeling at ease. It was like staring at a demonic Tinker Bell.

Carlisle cleared his throat quietly and all eyes turned to his. He had a very commanding presence, but it didn't seem like he ruled them out of fear. It was something much more akin to respect or affection. Of course, that was just crazy talk. They weren't capable of emotions like that.

"Bella, if you would not mind terribly, could you please tell me what it is about us that frightens you so?" Carlisle asked gently.

Maybe it was Jasper's powers that emboldened me to open my mouth and speak. Or maybe I just finally snapped and needed everything out in the open. Either way, I knew once we started down this road there was no going back. Unfortunately, with the artificial Prozac swimming through my system, that knowledge was no longer enough to stop me.

"Explain to me why I – a mere human – wouldn't be absolutely terrified of living with a group of vampires?" It wasn't exactly and answer to his question, but it would be a good way to try and figure out their motives.

"But you aren't just a mere human, are you Bella?" Alice asked archly. Since she already knew the answer to that question I decided it was safe enough to shake my head.

"I understand that as a race we are the things of your nightmares," Carlisle proceeded with a hushed, almost sorrowful voice. "But it appears to me that you are specifically afraid of my family. I was just wondering, why is that?"

I took a minute to gather my thoughts. I had every intention of answering him truthfully, but I wanted to be tactful. No sense in pissing him, or any of the others, off. They hadn't responded viciously yet, but everyone had their breaking point. I wanted to steer very clear of theirs if it was entirely possible.

"I had been warned about you all," I started to explain. I was much to calm for this conversation, but I let it be. It was easier to think clearly when I wasn't constantly second guessing myself out of fear for my survival.

"It was sort of a threat, the idea of being sent here. The others . . . they used to taunt us with it. You're such a large coven, and we were told about all the different ways you could, um, hurt us." I started to struggle as the memories began to overwhelm me. The screamed threats, the whispered taunts, and vindictive promises in order to keep us compliant. I shuddered. Another wave of calm washed over me and I found myself oddly grateful for it. It empowered me enough to ask one of the questions that continued to scream through my head whenever I saw them interacting with each other.

"Could you tell me why do you call yourselves a family?" I cringed a little and waited for a backlash. It never came.

"Because in our minds, we are," Carlisle answered simply. I frowned and shook my head. That wasn't giving me very much. I was still confused.

"Bella, what do you think keeps us all here?" Jasper asked with interest. He folded his hands together and rested his elbows on the table. It was such a human gesture I blinked several times before formulating a response.

"You have to stay with your sire, right? He has rights to all of you." I was met with several expressions of confusion, and one of disdain. Rosalie shook her head and glowered at the table.

"No one has those kinds of rights, except our spouses," she ground out before leveling me with a penetrating gaze. I was momentarily taken aback.

"What do you mean, spouse? Were you married before you . . . changed?" I was lost again. Why would she still think that meant anything now that she wasn't human and belonged to Carlisle?

Her face hardened. "No, I didn't get married until after Carlisle saved me. Damn good thing, too. I can't picture anyone else being as good for me as Emmett."

I was floored. "You mean your mate?" That didn't make any sense.

"Did they explain to you about vampire mates, Bella?" Jasper questioned. I nodded. "What did they tell you?"

I blushed hotly and stared down at the table. "Um, there weren't a lot of words used. But the leader of the last group had one, and he used to say that she had her uses." I really didn't want to think about that. The demonstrations we had received were not exactly pleasant.

This time it was Alice who sounded alarmed. "You mean they did things in front of you?"

I nodded and raised my eyes. She looked positively horrified. "I was told that once I changed I would most likely be the other one's mate, but that he would still . . . that I would still be considered the sire's property because he made me. I would owe him."

I felt a slight breeze next to be and turned to see that Rosalie no longer sat at the table. She had vanished from the room. I felt fear bloom within me until Jasper leaned across the table and very slowly laid his icy hand over mine. I was instantly settled, but I looked nervously down at where he touched me. I didn't like strange men touching me after what I'd been through.

"It works better sometimes with contact," he explained with a half smile. "Just give Rose a minute. She has a very hard time with the knowledge that you have been violated in such a way."

"She is not the only one," Carlisle murmured. When I turned to ask him why I felt the words freeze on my lips and my heart lurch in my chest. His eyes were exponentially darker than only moments ago, his expression stormy. I couldn't understand what had them so upset and angry. Unless of course it was because I was now too tainted, too soiled, to be of any interest to them anymore. Would they give me to someone else now? Would there be any coven leader who would want to sire me, or was I destined to die? Even though I had been determined to end my life only minutes ago, the thought somehow terrified me now. But the alternative . . . I started hyperventilating.

"Easy, Bella. Calm down. Carlisle isn't angry with you, I can promise you that," Jasper soothed and rubbed my hand in gentle circles. And just like that, the dark look on Carlisle's face vanished.

"I apologize, Bella." His expression was contrite. "I did not mean to cause you alarm. I very much want you to feel comfortable here. Please, trust me. Trust us. We will not hurt you. And we will make sure that no one else ever harms you again as well."

He was so sincere. It was suddenly too much. I was completely unprepared for this and it overwhelmed me. I stood up so quickly that my chair knocked to the floor very loudly. I had a habit of doing that. Shakily, I started to do the one thing I swore I wouldn't. I begged.

"Please, please just get this over with. I can't do it, can't stand it! Please, just kill me or change me or whatever the hell you all have planned for me." I was shaking so badly now I didn't think anything could make it stop.

"Bella," Carlisle breathed, his voice laced with pain and sorrow. He rose to his feel very slowly, his hands up in surrender. "I will not let anyone harm you. If you want to change, then I will do everything I can to make the transition as easy as I can. If you do not, then I will do everything in my power to return you back to your life safely.

"Carlisle, you know you can't promise her that," Alice said with a hint of sadness. He ignored her and continued to plead with me through his intense golden gaze. I was so transfixed that I didn't notice Jasper until I felt his hand on my shoulder and the weight of his powers dispelling the sharp edges of my hysteria.

"You know the Volturi won't just give her up. She knows too much and is too valuable an asset," Jasper said, not unkindly. Carlisle continued to stare at me, but shook his head.

"I will deal with Aro myself if I must. No more will be taken from you, Bella. I will not stand by and watch anyone else hurt you, even if it is the last thing I do in this existence. You need only say the word and I will personally see to it that you are hidden away and kept safe until the end of your mortal life."

I felt my heart swell at his words. Something told me that what he was promising me would be no small feat. It may even get him killed. But I could see no deception in his beautiful topaz eyes. And for the first time in what had seemed like forever, I suddenly felt safe. It was hugely unnerving.

"Good, Bella. That's very good," Jasper encouraged and I knew he was commenting on my current emotional surge. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice smile softly. Then Rosalie appeared on my other side again. She righted my chair and helped me sit back down. My legs were inexplicably unsteady. Perhaps I had too many strong emotions surging through me.

"Bella," Rosalie drew my attention away from Carlisle. "I really want to tell you how sorry I am that you suffered so much at the hands of our kind. Carlisle . . . he isn't that way at all. None of us are. That is what keeps us here. We're a family because we all believe in the same ways of life, the same hierarchy of values. We're connected by love and nothing else."

"Love?" I whispered. Was it possible for them to feel love? I hardly dared to hope they were capable of any humanity, let alone something so powerful and virtuous.

"Yes, Bella," Jasper confirmed. I turned to look up at him. "We love very deeply, and when we are truly mated you will find no stronger devotion. There is nothing we would ever do to harm our mates. This leads me to believe that either of the vampires you described were equally as disturbed as the other, or they were not truly mated."

I felt the air disappear from my lungs. If that was true, could it be that everything they told me was wrong? Was there anything they led me to believe about their kind that was actually true? I was so distraught by this revelation that my thoughts became a jumble of assumptions and fears all woven and tangled together into an indecipherable mess.

"Bella, if you would permit us, I would like to call the others back here. I think we all need to sit down and have a very long talk about the truths and falsehoods you have been told about our kind. Would that be all right with you?" Carlisle asked amiably. He looked so hopeful and benevolent that I knew there was no way I could refuse him.

"Of course," I answered softly.

"Why don't we go somewhere a little more comfortable?" Rosalie suggested and stood up again. She carefully took me by the hand and I followed her wordlessly out to the large great room. Once I was settled on one of the couches she glided away briefly, only to return with a warm throw to drape around my shoulders. I was really starting to feel more at ease with her. She really went out of her way to make me feel welcome and safe. In fact, they all did. I was only just starting to realize that I might be wrong about them after all. They had been kind and considerate since my arrival here and so far I had done nothing but treat them with hostility and fear. Guilt started to gnaw at me, but I shoved it down. I still needed a lot more answers before I would be convinced they really meant me no harm.

However, when I looked up at Carlisle again, the way his eyes shone as he gazed back at me touched something deep in my soul that, until that moment, I had kept hidden and protected. It stirred emotions in me that I wasn't quite ready to acknowledge. I quickly shut them down and tore my eyes away. I would have to be more mindful around him. There was just something about him that made me want to trust him implicitly. I couldn't bring myself to let that happen. The only person I could count on was me. That had been proven over and over again in the last few years, and I didn't see it changing anytime soon. Still, maybe it wouldn't hurt to hear them out. I could at least give it a try. And when I chanced a look back at their leader, I found that I really wanted to.

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**A/N: You know what to do ;-)**


	7. Somewhere I Belong

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who takes the time to leave me a review. I decided to update early. Maybe I can finish this story quickly, now that the chapters seem to be flowing so much easier. Finally, we clear up some of Bella's confusion in this chapter. It's longer than the others have been because there was a lot to cover. Enjoy!**

**The song for this chapter is by Linkin Park. **

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Emmett's POV

Now we were getting somewhere. Carlisle, Jasper, and Alice had finally calmed this chick down enough to listen to us. Hopefully she would talk more as well. Curiosity was raging in me as to what the hell she had been told about us all the terrified her so much. As far as the vampire world was concerned, we were practically 'domesticated'. In fact, we were such an anomaly that it was unusual for most of our kind not to know about us. Which led me to question just what kind of lies had been told about us to provoke such sheer terror in this human? She was in far less danger from us than she was with any others of our kind. It didn't make any sense.

"That's what we're hoping to find out," Edward muttered from his spot across the room by the front window. I rolled my eyes. I hated it when he'd answer my thoughts. If I wanted the question addressed I would have damn well said it out loud. He smirked.

"So," I decided to get this ball rolling, "tell us about yourself, Bella."

She looked over at me warily, but cleared her throat. "I thought you wanted me to ask questions about you?"

I grinned. "Absolutely you can. I just thought we might learn a little about you at the same time. Since nosy posy over there can't access your Fort Knox brain, we'll just have to get our information the old fashioned way."

"What do you plan on doing with that information?" she whispered and looked down at her lap. I didn't need anyone's extra gifts to see how scared and unsure she was. I tried to remedy that.

"We'll contact the tabloids, of course!" Her head shot up again and her brow crinkled in confusion. "Can you imagine the headlines? Human girl holds entire vampire family hostage!" I spread my hands to highlight the caption. "Mind reader driven insane by uselessness!"

When I looked back at her she appeared to be trying to contain a smile. Still, her lips pulled up at the corners. Next to me Rosie giggled and nudged me with her elbow. It was all the encouragement I needed.

"Let's face facts, doll face. You are going to be here for a while. We just want to know more about you to make this whole thing as easy on you as possible. Now, you obviously have some huge trust issues happening. It's one of the things we want to understand better. So, hit me with your best shot. Ask anything you want, and then we get to ask you a question. How's that sound?"

She swallowed and nodded, but her face still held doubt. "Like tit for tat?"

I smirked and winked at her. "If you like."

Her face colored and her eyes went wide before Esme glided over and smacked my shoulder.

"Do behave yourself," she hissed. To my right, I noticed that Carlisle had stiffened in his chair, his eyes a shade darker than before. His face was carefully impassive, but there was warning in his gaze that I didn't miss. Both Edward and Jasper were staring at him intently, looking perplexed. Interesting . . .

"He's kidding, Bella," Alice said and waved me off. "Besides, no one wants to see your 'tat', Emmett."

"Rosie does," I countered and grinned at my girl wolfishly. She rolled her eyes and huffed, but smiled.

"You go first," Bella murmured, surprising us all.

"Me?" I clarified.

"Sure." She nodded. I thought for a minute and decided to start out easy.

"Okay, let's start with the basics: full name and date of birth, plus where you're from."

Her eyebrows shot up and she blinked a few times. "Um, okay. Isabella Marie Swan, September 19, 1990, Forks, Washington."

Shocked silence filled the room. Forks? What the hell were the odds? We had almost gone to the Olympic Peninsula a few years ago to start over the whole high school experience thing for a few of us, but then decided we all needed a break from humanity. We'd all gone travelling before settling in Alaska last year instead. I decided to keep it easy going and tried to bring out some sort of link between her and us in the simplest way possible.

"So, you're twenty three? Cool, you're the same age as Carlisle," I said with a smirk and jerked my thumb at him. He gave a little smile, but said nothing. Bella, on the other hand, looked shocked and confused. Jasper chuckled and shook his head.

"Um, same question," she said after a minute.

"For me only, or for everyone?" I clarified.

"All of you," she answered, he eyes guarded and careful.

"Awesome, I'll go first. Emmett William McCarty, born February 20, 1915 in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. I was changed a little after my twentieth birthday, so I'm forever going to be younger than you." I winked at her. She smirked.

"So much for the big brother comparison," she said to herself. I laughed.

"Technically, I'm seventy eight. And I'm much bigger than you are, tiny. So I can definitely be the big, protective older bro you need here. Just you let me know if someone gives you shit. I'll take care of 'em." I puffed up my chest and put on my best serious face, but it felt short when I couldn't help smirking. She looked like she was relaxing slightly and I wanted to think it was partly because of me.

"You're turn, babe." I turned to Rosie with a grin. She smiled back and nodded before focusing on Bella.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale. I was born April 15, 1915, in Rochester, New York, but I wasn't changed until 1933." Her voice was soft and gentle. She didn't want to scare Bella any more than anyone else. Probably less actually, given her personal history.

"So, you're the same age," Bella whispered. Rose smiled.

"Practically, except I'll forever be eighteen. It is something we like to bicker about, though."

Bella nodded and turned her eyes on Maggie, the next of us in her line of sight. Maggie grinned and bowed her head slightly.

"Margaret Finnegan, born in Dublin, Ireland. Now when is a bit of a debate, as is my age at the time I was turned. Carlisle and I think I must have been born around 1590, and we think I was about fifteen when I was turned. Either way, it's lovely to make your acquaintance, sweet girl."

Bella's eyes went wide again and she puffed out a small breath. "That would make you . . ."

"Approximately four hundred and twenty years old, give or take a few," she said and waved her hand airily.

"Wow," Bella whispered. She looked a little intimidated, but there was something else, too. Impressed, maybe?

My brother smiled lopsidedly before he walked over and squeezed his mate's shoulders affectionately as he addressed Bella next. "Edward Anthony Masen, born June 20, 1901 in Chicago, Illinois. I was changed when I was seventeen."

Bella nodded and gave him a slight grimace of a smile before turning to look at Esme and Garrett. Esme sat perched on an overstuffed chair, Garrett balancing on one of the arms holding her hand.

"I was born Esme Anne Platt in Columbus, Ohio, January 9, 1895. I wasn't turned until I was twenty six, in 1921. I am the oldest person, in human years, in this room. Maybe that's why you all treat me like your mother." She smiled at us indulgently as Garrett chuckled and kissed the top of her head. Bella watched with rapt interest, as if she couldn't quite believe what she was hearing and seeing.

"Garrett Donovan, born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on October 3, 1758. I was changed during the war in 1782 at the age of twenty four." He offered nothing else but a cursory nod in Bella's direction. He wasn't unfriendly, but I knew he had his own trust issues to get over. He'd spent too long as a nomad before meeting Esme.

From his place behind everyone else by the mantle, Eleazar smiled in a friendly manner. "Hello, Isabella. I was changed in 1731, in Barcelona, Spain at twenty five years old. I don't remember much of my human existence, so I'm afraid I cannot give you more than that."

Bella nodded and murmured 'thank you' before turned to look at Alice and Jasper. Alice was cuddled up on his lap on the end of the sofa Bella was tucked into. I could see Bella's countenance relax more with them than she had with everyone else. I was glad she was finding a few us she could be somewhat comfortable with.

"Major Jasper Whitlock, ma'am," Jazz drawled. "I was the youngest officer in the Confederacy when I was changed. Born in May of 1844 in Houston, Texas and turned nineteen years later."

"Charmed," Bella murmured with the closest thing I had seen to a smile grace her features. Jasper grinned back.

"Mary Alice Brandon at your service, madam," Alice teased and did a little mock bow. Bella giggled slightly despite looking like she didn't want to. I had a feeling she was trying to keep her walls up. It became my mission to break those down little by little each day until she felt like she could trust us. Something about this girl pulled at me in a very instinctual and protective way. I didn't have sisters when I was human, but I imagine this is what I would have felt for them.

"I was born in Biloxi, Mississippi on March 1, 1901. I was changed nineteen years later, but I don't remember much of the details before I became a vampire." She shrugged her tiny shoulder before turning her golden gaze on the one person left to speak.

I didn't miss the hesitancy in Carlisle's voice as he spoke quietly and calmly. Oddly enough, unlike everyone else, he didn't look up at Bella when he addressed her. Instead, he looked over her head and out the window. It struck me suddenly that he was nervous.

"I was born in London in 1640. I'm not sure of the exact month or day as we weren't nobles or royalty, so events were recorded differently in my time. Much like Maggie, I believe I was around twenty three years old when I was changed, but I cannot be one hundred percent certain." He fidgeted with the hem of his sweater, smoothing out invisible wrinkles. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease him a little.

"That's why you were surprised when I said you were same age, right Bella? Because unlike the rest of us, Carlisle actually looks like he's three hundred and seventy years old," I ribbed. He shot me an annoyed look, but I merely grinned. From the sofa Bella shook her head.

"No, he doesn't," she argued quietly before her cheeks flushed with color again. My smile got bigger. She was nervous, too. Very interesting . . .

She turned her chocolate eyes up to his and they locked stares. The pink staining in her cheeks darkened and she moistened her lips before speaking again. "Is Cullen your last name, or did you pick it up somewhere?"

Carlisle blinked before a slow smile stretched across his face. I think he'd be blushing if we were capable. "No, it is my own name. Sometimes other members of this family use it when we live among humans, my children especially."

Bella cocked her head to the side like a little puppy. "Children?"

Carlisle nodded once. "My apologies, Bella. This must be incredibly confusing for you. Let me try to explain how this family works when we are in the public eye. Edward, Maggie, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett are often considered my children when we live among people. They go to high school and college under differing surnames. We switch them up for each move, but they are typically recycled every decade or so. Edward, Emmett and Alice generally go by Cullen, while Jasper and Rose use Hale or Whitlock. Maggie usually uses Masen."

Bella looked even more confused so I tried to help out. "It makes more sense to try to explain to schools and authorities that we are Doctor Cullen's foster and adopted kids rather than anything else. A group of adults with a handful of teenagers would draw too much attention, so we have a number of cover stories. It makes living among humans easier."

Bella paled a little. "You live among people?"

I shrugged. It wasn't like we were dangerous to them. Not usually, anyway. "Sure. It's fun for us."

Her heart doubled in time and her breathing accelerated. "Fun for you," she mumbled and shook her head. Her reaction confused me.

"Yeah, why else would we do it? Although, we do have to hide our true selves from them, which can be tricky. Especially when we hunt in populated areas." I grimaced as I recalled how difficult it was to bag a dear or bear during hunting season in the mountains or forested areas of some of the towns we'd lived in.

Now Bella was positively green. "No, of course. Can't let the local human authorities catch wind of the mindless slaughter going on right under their noses."

Her reaction left me stunned and slightly perplexed. Was she one of those tree hugger vegetarian types? Where was the fun in that?

I shrugged. "It's better than the alternative."

She shuddered and thin sheen of sweat broke out on her brow and upper lip. I chuckled nervously and raised my hands in a placating manner. Maybe if she thought I wouldn't slaughter Bambi in front of her that would calm her down a little. "Relax, kid. We don't drag the carcasses around for anyone to see. We take care of them properly."

Clearly, that was the wrong thing to say because her head snapped up and her mouth dropped open in horror. "You just . . . what about their families?" she spluttered.

Now I was really confused. Was this chick serious? "Um . . . bears don't usually have families. Well, not to our standard anyway."

Bella was aghast and her body started shaking. Her small hands clenched into fists and she shot me a look of pure loathing. Just what in the hell had gotten into her?

"Why them specifically? You don't approve of them? I didn't realize your diet was so . . . exact. Or is it all queers you hunt?" she challenged with a growl that had me impressed. Then I thought about her words.

"Wait, what?" I was so confused. I tried not to look at her like she was crazy, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't happening.

"Bella, what exactly do you think we hunt?" Edward asked her with a concentrated interest. He looked as confused as I felt. A quick glance around the room showed me all of us were in the same boat.

Bella paled again and shut her mouth tight, only shaking her head in response.

"They're just animals, Bella," Jasper said with a shake of his head. I don't think anyone could have predicted her fiery response. Her eyes snapped up to meet his, malice twisting her features.

"We're all just animals," she spat back with so much venom in her voice he actually flinched slightly. I was super impressed by her display. Not much got to Jasper.

"Really, Bella I blame the grizzly that attacked me first. I think I just have a preference for them now since that one ripped my throat out and tried to make a meal of me," I argued and jabbed my thumb at my chest. "Although polar bears have proven to be much more fun. Especially when they come right out of hibernation."

Bella froze in her chair, holding her breath for almost thirty seconds before it all came out in a heavy whoosh. She stared at me in blatant disbelief for another two minutes before speaking very slowly and clearly.

"You mean to tell me that you hunt animals. Just animals, not . . . humans."

Had we been speaking too fast for her? She didn't look like she was intellectually challenged in any way. I decided to very clear, like I was speaking to a child or certifiable idiot. "Yeah, Bella, just animals. Bears, wolves, deer, whatever is in the area we currently occupy."

"It's why our eyes are gold," Rosie provided.

Bella blinked rapidly and sank back against the couch. She started muttering to herself, but we could hear every word. "That's why . . . they're not . . . James lied. They all lied."

"Who is James?" Edward asked. Bella came back to her senses and stiffened. Her eyes glazed over slightly before Rosie hissed at Edward. She rushed to help Bella out.

"He was one of them, wasn't he?" she asked gently. Bella nodded, not giving any other explanation. My mate didn't need one, and since we all knew her so well none of us required anything beyond that either. I decided to get back to the source of all the confusion.

"You didn't know our diet was different than other vampires?" I asked with a smirk. She colored again and looked at her knees.

"No, I did, but I thought it was . . . something else entirely." She offered nothing up after that, but the curiosity burned too hot for me to drop it.

"What were you told, exactly?"

She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes before rushing out with, "We were told a lot of things. Like that you only fed on innocents, like children and such. They said your diet was very particular."

There was a sea of scoffing and titters around us which only served to embarrass Bella further. To me it made all her behavior so much more understandable. Esme seemed to be on the same track.

"You poor, poor dear. No wonder you've been so terrified of us. We should have told you sooner," she consoled. Something clicked right then.

"Wait, when I said they were only animals, you said 'we all are' like it was something you'd heard before." I watched when she flinched and nodded jerkily, but still didn't look up at me. I felt anger bubble up within me. "They told you that you were an animal?"

She said nothing, but nodded again. I took several deep breaths to calm down. She didn't need me losing my shit right now. She was scared enough and I was trying to fix that. Being angry wasn't going to help at all. I decided to make her feel a little better, so I played dumb on something that only now put her strange comments into much clearer perspective.

"So, what exactly did you think I meant when I said I hunted bears?" I tried not to smile and only half succeeded.

Her eyes flew open and she stared at me. Slowly, very slowly, a little smile spread her lips and even lit up in her eyes. I grinned widely, but arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I don't know what shocked me worse. That you seemed to have a predilection for large, hairy gay men or that you were so blasé about it," she finally relented around a breathy laugh. I threw my head back and laughed loudly. Alice, Jasper, and Maggie joined us very quickly, but the others merely looked shocked. Carlisle's expression alone made me hoot louder. I saw some of the tension that constantly stiffened Bella's body finally melt away as she laughed quietly. Mission not quite accomplished, but it was a damn good start.

When the laughter finally died down to the occasional chuckle Carlisle turned his attention back to her. "I hope you are feeling more at ease now that you know a little more about us." She nodded and graced him with a small smile. He returned it fully before pressing on. "Is there anything else you wanted to know?"

She bit her lip and her eyebrows knitted together thoughtfully before her expression smoothed somewhat. She was hesitant again, but nodded. "Yes. I want to know who is in charge. I assume it's you because the others use your name, for the most part, but you couldn't have sired them all, right?"

I was impressed. She had really paid attention. Carlisle looked at her approvingly, too. He nodded and folded his hands while he gave his answer some consideration. That was our fearless leader; he never did anything without thinking about it first. It's probably what had led him to survive as long as he had, even if he was a freak.

"I consider myself the head of the family, but I do not presume to order anyone about. They are all capable of making their own decisions . . . for the most part," he turned at grinned at me. I beamed back and nodded.

"So, they don't have to listen to you?" Bella seemed puzzled by this.

"No, not necessarily. We tend to do things based on more of a consensus rather than by dictatorship," he explained. I could see how uncomfortable he was. Carlisle was our leader, there was no doubt about that, but he didn't relish the position and very rarely reminded any of us of that fact.

"We're very democratic here," Garrett added wryly. Esme chuckled and leaned against his shoulder.

"But . . . I thought that a vampire had to obey their sire above everything else. And that . . ." she drifted off and blushed again.

"What?" I prodded. "You think because he's in charge that means we're all just mindless drones that cater to his every whim?"

Her heart banged loudly in her chest and she nodded jerkily, not meeting my eyes. I laughed and shook my head. She finally looked up at me, her expression blank.

"He wishes," I snarked and chuckled again.

"I most certainly do not," Carlisle rebutted quietly.

"Bella, I don't know what you were told about vampire nature, but you usually wouldn't be so far off. For most of our kind we owe some sort of allegiance to our sire, but that is not always the case. And it certainly doesn't entitle them to anything . . . special." Jasper chose his words very carefully, but there was a deep meaning laced in them that I knew no one missed. "Take Alice, for example. We don't know who sired her. She woke up alone. Same thing with Maggie and Garrett. They chose their own paths in this life. We all do."

"So, the rest of you were sired by Carlisle?" She looked around the room. Everyone nodded except Jasper.

"Not me," he whispered loud enough for her to hear. "But I followed Alice here and we chose this life over the one I had known before."

Bella nodded like she understood, but really, how could she? I opened my mouth to ask her something else in an effort to change the subject, but her question shut me right up. She turned her big brown eyes on Carlisle and asked him something that none of us had quite figured out yet.

"Will you be mine?"

Carlisle swallowed reflexively, his eyes seemingly trapped by her penetrating gaze. He breathed evenly, but I could see something within him shifting. It was subtle, but unmistakable. Carlisle was afraid.

"Do you want to be changed?" he asked instead of answering her question. Bella hesitated briefly before shrugging.

"I didn't think I had much of a choice," she admitted.

"If this is not a life you want, you only need to say so. I will not change you against your will. No one in this family will." The last part sounded somewhat like a threat, but I shook it off. We'd never go against his wishes. He knew that.

"But . . . isn't the alternative dying?" She sounded sad. I wanted to reassure her, but she was right. Her options sucked ass.

Carlisle sighed and stared at her for a long time, but said nothing. I could almost hear the whirlwind of thoughts that I was sure were flickering through his mind. I knew Edward could because every so often he would sigh or shake his head. Finally he must have had enough.

"Be honest with her, Carlisle. She deserves that," he said not unkindly.

Carlisle grimaced and continued to stare at the girl across from him. She seemed to have accepted her fate better than he did. She looked calm, ready for anything.

"Would you kill me if that's what I wanted?" she asked evenly.

Carlisle sucked in a breath in the same instant that Edward cringed and Jasper hissed, his shoulders flinching forward. Their reactions stunned me. I quickly came to the conclusion that Jasper felt something from either Carlisle or Bella that was extremely difficult or painful. Edward must have seen something along those same lines. I would file that knowledge away for later examination while I focused on the suicidal human in front of me. The only reaction Bella focused on was Carlisle's. She just couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him. His face was tight and there was no missing the pain in his darkening eyes.

"No," he finally said. "I do not think I could."

"But you could change me?" she challenged with a raised eyebrow. Carlisle nodded tightly. Bella seemed to consider that for a moment before she turned to look around the room. "What about the rest of you? Could any of you kill me if I asked you to?"

Before any of us could answer either way Carlisle growled fiercely. "NO!"

All eyes snapped to his. They were black and slightly wild. I'd never seen Carlisle look so feral before. Instinctually, I leaned forward to shield Rosie behind me. I knew Carlisle would never harm any of us, but I had never seen him teetering on the edge of control before. Bella appeared as shocked as the rest of us.

"Why? What does it matter to you?" she asked. There was no malice or anger in her voice, just sheer wonder.

I was right there with her. Why indeed.

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**A/N: I love writing from Emmett's POV. It's so much fun! Thoughts? Comments? Questions? The next chapter will be up on Sunday, I think. Happy Turkey Day to all my fellow Americans :-)**


	8. Angel

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews and fav's. As promised, here is the next chapter. The song is by Jamie McDell. **

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Bella's POV

I couldn't understand it. He didn't know me from Eve. I am nothing to him, to any of them. I'm just another human. True, they didn't want to eat me, but wouldn't that mean I had no purposed at all? Why would he care if I decided to end my life rather than become a blood crazed monster that preys upon humankind? _But they aren't like that at all_, a tiny voice argued in the back of my mind. I chose to ignore it. I could only focus on one thing at a time. Right now I needed to know why my survival was so important to this man.

It was all I could think about in the weeks that followed our conversation. I discreetly tried to spend more time in his presence to ascertain what exactly it was that he was trying to accomplish with his unending kindness and vows to keep me safe. It wasn't an easy task. Carlisle had made himself scare, at least while I was around. Anytime I did see him he would flash me a painful smile before disappearing from sight again. Guilt surrounded me, although I couldn't be certain what exactly I was regretting. Not only that, but there was this feeling of loss or absence when he wasn't presence that I couldn't seem to shake. It was unsettling to think that I was so taken with someone I barely even tolerated, let along trusted. I tried to write it off as just another one of their supernatural side effects. I mean, they are incredibly beautiful beings. Maybe it was to help lure unsuspecting people to their demise. Though, somehow over the course of the month I found my opinions shifting.

For starters I was much more comfortable with the vampires around. I had even started to think of them as people. Rose had been hanging around me more and more, often with her mate – husband, I kept correcting myself – Emmett. She had even told me the story of how Carlisle had come to save her the night she nearly died. It really changed my view of her, the thought that she had been hurt like I had, but by a very different kind of monster. It humanized her in my eyes. Since that day we had been thick as thieves. I think Emmett would have gotten jealous, except he seemed to really enjoy all the girl time we had. He was a riot, so I welcomed the addition when he would spend time with us.

Edward and Maggie appeared to take turns with Esme and Garrett running to the closest town to stock up on my human necessities. I still didn't understand why I couldn't shop for myself, but I didn't want to make waves by asking. I also noticed that Carlisle was spending more time with them than anyone else. However, it was Alice and Jasper that caught my attention the most often. Alice was always lovely with me, which had not changed. Except now there was sadness in her eyes every time she looked at me. I wanted to ask her about it, but she was very rarely without Jasper. He was downright melancholy almost all of the time. I actually started to wonder if vampires could get depressed, so asked Rose about it after most of the house's occupants had gone out for a hunting trip.

"Sort of," she tried to explain. "We feel things very intensely, so it would be possible for one of our kind to be depressed. For Jasper, it can be even worse because he feels everything we all feel. Try to see it this way: imagine how you feel right now and then add my emotions on top of it. Now add everyone else's and multiply it by a thousand."

I felt my eyes go wide. "Yeah, I get your point. But wait, who's so sad?"

"You tell me." Her eyes blazed into my own. I considered lying, but then knew there was no point.

"I'm not depressed, Rose," I told her honestly.

"But?" she prodded.

I sighed. "I'm just . . . I don't know. Determined, I guess. More resigned than anything else. I accept my fate for what it is. Nothing more, nothing less."

"What are you so determined to do?" Emmett always did ask the right questions, damn him.

"You know what," I responded quietly. I may have adjusted my opinions of them, but that didn't mean I was ready to join their ranks among the eternally damned. Or maybe I would be if the prospect of being a deranged, super-vamp didn't scare the ever-loving crap out of me, among other things.

The silence that swirled around us was full of disapproval, hurt, and anger. Emmett thought wanting to die rather than be turned was sheer idiocy. Rosalie had come to see me as a friend and expressed her desire to keep me around, but she understood better than anyone else. I had frequently considered waiting until no one else was around and asking Rose to end my life. I was pretty certain that she would. The thought crossed my mind again as I realized that this might just be my golden opportunity. Before I could open my mouth, Alice suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Rose, I need to see you for minute," she said in a solemn voice. She had probably seen what I was going to do and wanted to put a stop to it. I frowned and folded my arms across my chest.

"Are we really so horrible?" The pain in Emmett's voice startled me. I relaxed my posture and took in the sadness etched on his handsome face. My heart clenched and guilt twisted my insides again. I was beginning to resent the feeling.

"No, Em, you're not. None of you are. I would be proud to be like any one of you," I told him, completely truthful. Then I shook my head and tears clouded my vision. "But there is no guarantee I will be. I keep hearing about this latent talent I have. It scares the hell out of me. I don't want to be uncontrollable, and I really don't want to become a weapon for a malicious group of dictators on the other side of the world."

"The Volturi aren't all that bad," Emmett countered. "And you wouldn't have to go there if you didn't want to. You heard Carlisle. He would never allow anyone to hurt you or use you. Neither would Rosie or I. Hell, kid, I don't think anyone one of us would."

His words were sweet, but they brought little comfort. I had spent the majority of adolescence and early adulthood feeling a vast and unending loneliness that seemed to have no end in sight. Even when I had tried to connect to someone else it turned into a tragedy. My mother was a dismal failure as a parent. She was far too interested in filling her own needs to worry about mine. I was constantly reminded of what I burden I was to her, what she had given up having me. Once she was remarried, I ceased to exist to her. It was almost a relief, except for the excessive drinking she started doing as a result of her long lost youth she claimed was wasted on me. Six months later, she and her new husband died in a car wreck after a weekend long bender, so I was shipped off to Washington to live with my estranged father. I had only been there a year when he was shot in the line of duty while coming to pick me up from a bad post-prom party in Port Angeles. Death seemed to follow me around, sharpening his scythe for when I went and attached myself to someone new. The guilt was unbearable at times. I couldn't see how I would survive eternity with that feeling. Especially if it was compounded once I became a vampire. I shuddered at the thought.

"It's not just that, but thank you. It means a lot to me that you feel that way," I told him sincerely. I even reached over and squeezed his hand. Initiating contact was still something I struggled with.

"Bella," Rose said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. "Come for a walk with me and Em?"

"Uh, sure, just let me grab a coat." I was sure my confusion was written all over my face, but she offered no reason for the change in our location. I reached into the closet and withdrew my parka before following them down the stairs and out the door.

"Want a piggyback ride?" Em asked enthusiastically. Rose laughed at the grimace I gave him in response.

"Only if you want me to ruin the upholstery," I remarked. He shrugged and walked next to me instead. We wandered quietly into the woods for a while. Just when I was about to ask where we were headed Rose stopped. I turned to her and saw her lovely face tainted with a troubled expression. Before I could ask what was wrong she whirled around on me.

"Please, don't ask me to do it." Her voice quivered. "I know you think this existence is terrible. There was a time I would have agreed with you wholeheartedly, but Bella, you belong here with us." Her eyes shone brightly and I felt my own prickle with tears.

"That's what I keep telling her," Emmett mumbled as he wrapped his wife up in his strong arms. I envied her in that moment. There was no doubt that he would do anything in the world to make her happy. The way he loved her was endless, boundless, and without reason. I had never felt that before and doubted I ever would. I was too damaged, what with the U-Haul of emotional baggage I carried around. Not to mention my special 'talents'.

"What if I told you that you have a purpose here? You don't ever have to leave us if you choose not to. Would that change your mind?" She clasped both of my hands in hers. I stared up into her wide, wet eyes and felt something like hope swell up in me.

I didn't want to risk it, not really. I had already resigned myself to knowing that my life was about to be over. I thought I was all right with that. I thought I was ready. I thought I had no other choice. Now she had presented me with something I had desperately ached for since I was old enough to know the difference between a good parent and a bad one; a family. Oh, how I had longed to learn I had been switched at birth and sent home with the wrong parents. I spent years wishing on stars and praying up at a God I no longer believed existed that my 'real' parents would find me and take me away. They would be kind, and wonderful, and generous. Most importantly, they would love me more than anyone else on this great rock. It was all I had ever hoped for and so much more. Still, I didn't trust them enough to believe they were being completely sincere. Not even Rose.

I thought about my answer for a full minute before I shrugged and nodded at the same time. "It's possible."

A sigh of relief escaped her scarlet lips. She pulled me into a tight hug. Her granite body was hard against the puffy coat, but I found comfort in her embrace. It was the first time someone had held me in so long that I found I had been craving it without knowing. I clutched her as tightly as I could and breathed in her unique scent; it was like English roses and lavender, very floral and feminine. After a while I felt her hold on me ease up, so I released her and stepped back.

"There's something you need to know," she said after getting ahold of her emotions. I nodded to encourage her to continue.

She sucked in a deep breath. "How would you feel if I told you that Alice has had a vision of you with your mate?"

I froze for a moment as a barrage of horrific images flashed through my mind. James and Victoria watching while Laurent hissing at me while he violated my body over and over. James laughing cruelly after he let his mate have her fun with me. The broken, bloodied bodies of the girls who couldn't survive like I could. Revulsion rocked through me and I shuddered violently. I shook my head. When I looked up at her I saw them both staring back with hard countenances. Emmett was clearly pissed, cursing under his breath.

"I wish those fuckers were still alive. I'd make them regret everything they ever put you through," he vowed solemnly.

I had never said out loud what I had lived through. I knew that everyone here had drawn their own conclusions, but I wondered if anyone other than Rose would really be able to understand the reality of my situation. Something told me they couldn't. Still, his protectiveness and desire for vengeance warmed me slightly.

"The bitch is still alive. Have at her," I muttered, ashamed at how bitter I sounded to my own ears.

"No, she'll be dealt with, but someone else has that claim," Rose said cryptically, but then abruptly changed the subject. "Is your understanding of mates all from before?" When I nodded she sighed. "I thought that might be right."

"Well, how's about we re-educate you, Swan?" Em offered with a wink. He offered his arm to me, which I took with a genuine smile.

We continued our walk through the woods as Emmett and Rose tried to teach me about mates. It seemed a bit fanciful, to tell the truth. The dedication, the undying, never wavering, all-consuming love and passion one felt no matter the passage of time. It really sounded beautiful. But the picture they painted for me warred with the images that continued to haunt me from my time in with the others. Rose must have sensed this because she stopped me and made me look directly at her.

"I know we explained this all before, but I thought it best to reiterate the finer points. You've seen Emmett and me together, as well as the other couples from time to time. Do you really not see the difference?" Rose looked searchingly at me.

When she put it that way I felt ashamed of my assumptions and the conclusions I had drawn about them. That seemed to be a recurrent theme whenever I learned something new about this family. Because that is truly what they are; a family. Calling them a coven would not do their commitment to each other justice. With that picture firmly replacing the nightmarish pictures that plague me I tried to see myself happily ensconced within, but something was missing.

"Who did she see?" I tried to be nonchalant, but failed miserably. I really was a horrible actress. That is, unless my life depended on it. Rose sighed and shook her head.

"I've been told it would be better if you go into this blind. Alice seems to think if you come to the conclusion at the right time it will be easier for both of you. Apparently, you aren't the only one who would struggle with the knowledge right now," she said wryly and rolled her eyes.

For the briefest of moments I pictured Carlisle, but then shook my head in an effort to toss the thought from my mind. It would be ridiculous of me to even think along those lines. He would never be interested. Angels like him were never meant for someone as damaged as me.

_Whoa! When did he become more Botticelli and less Bram Stoker?_

"So, when do I get to find out?" I queried, trying to shake off the disturbing thoughts invading my mind and body.

"You'll just know," Emmett provided in a sage voice. "You'll feel drawn to that person, like you belong next to them. There's a connection there that can't be broken and can't be denied. I'm not sure how it would work for you while you're human, but once you've changed it should be rather obvious. It can be instantaneous, or – if you stupidly try to fight it – it can drag out for as long as it takes to accept your fate."

"Wow," I said breathily. "I'm guessing I don't have a say in who it is then?"

"Not really, no," Rose said wistfully. She gazed up at Emmett with such naked adoration that I felt intrusive looked at her, so I turned my attention to my surroundings. Somehow we had ended up back at the house, but I figured that had been planned. Something told me vampires don't exactly 'end up' anywhere without meaning to.

I wondered back inside and saw that everyone was back. Their eyes shone brightly in hues of honey and amber. They really were stunning. I stopped when I saw Carlisle coming down the stairs. He paused briefly and smiled sadly at me. He was so heartbreakingly beautiful that I nearly cried. Something seemed to light him from within and he carried a bright luminosity within his very being. The feelings of loss evaporated and I was left with a feeling of serene contentment. Something about this man just oozed safety and security. I suddenly realized that he always had. I just fought against it so much that it was harder to recognize.

And then I knew. If I could see them for who they truly were, then maybe there was hope for me after all. Maybe, just maybe, they could extend me the same courtesy. I would no longer be the vulnerable human girl that everyone had to walk on eggshells around. I could actually just be . . . me. The idea was so freeing that I felt a metaphoric weight lift from my shoulders. The constant walls and pretenses were so exhausting. It would be wonderful to finally be able to let them go after so long. It was also the best way to test every promise that had been made to me since I woke up in this house. Let them see what they're in for before promising me a place within their eternal family. I could always set off on my own if things didn't work out. I was used to that.

So I made up my mind and felt something click into place deep within my aching soul, healing one of the many fractures there. It felt . . . right. I breathed in deeply and smiled peacefully at the man who seemed to be the center of my blissful state. Without thinking, I walked up to him and extended my hand. Even though I could tell he was deeply surprized, he clasped my warm hand in his icy one. If I was going through with this cockamamie plan I would need the leader in my corner. Time to test that first theory.

"Come talk with me?" I requested lightly. "There is something I would like to discuss with you."

"Of course," he murmured. I guided us up the stairs and into the bedroom they have given me. It occurred to me that I hadn't yet explored any of the other rooms in the house, but I could think about that later. First thing's first.

"Sit with me," I implored and walked across the room to sit on the bed after closing the door behind us. I knew it wouldn't really give us privacy, but I wasn't able to let go of my human illusions just yet. I made myself comfortable against the pillows while Carlisle sat at the foot of the bed. He regarded me with an open curiosity, but I could see how careful he was being. I decided to start there.

"I still can't understand what it is about me which makes you so protective, but I can't deny that I appreciate it. It's been a long time since someone looked out for me. I have grown very accustomed to only being able to count on myself for anything." I paused and looked down at the lilac duvet. I brushed my fingers against the delicate silk stitching before continuing. "However, the ideas of belonging to a family like this . . . well, let's just say I wouldn't be against it."

Carlisle sucked in a sharp breath. I looked up at him from under my lashes. The hope that shone in his eyes took my breath away. He swallowed thickly.

"Does this mean that you are no longer trying to seek a way to end your life?"

"Yes and no," I answered. I wasn't purposefully playing games, but I wasn't sure how he was going to react to my next request. I need to feel him out a little first.

"Could you please explain what you mean by that?" he asked. He was guarded again. Damn it.

"I am no longer interested in dying," I clarified, choosing my words carefully.

"What are you interested in, Bella?" I fought the urge to close my eyes in pleasure when he said my name. He had the barest hint of a British accent. I had never really noticed before, but I found it alluring.

"I want to be like you," I said with complete honesty. There was more to that statement than what I thought could be read on the surface, but I wasn't ready to go there yet. Something flashed in his honeyed gaze causing gooseflesh to dance over my skin. My heart fluttered in my chest when I thought I saw his breathing accelerate slightly.

"Does this mean you have decided to become a vampire?" I could tell he was holding something back. I decided to push him a little and see where it got us. I was terrified and elated all at the same time when I smiled at him.

"It means that I am asking you to change me. I want to be part of your family. If you'll have me, that is," I added on for good measure. There was no guarantee, after all. I could be making a complete fool of myself by asking this of him, of them. Something told me I wasn't, though.

Carlisle stared at me for a beat before he beamed at me. Relief washed though me and replaced any remnants of the niggling doubt I had fought against when making my choice.

"Are you completely sure this is what you want, Bella?" he questioned. From the looks of it, he was waging in his own internal war. I wondered what he was afraid of. Maybe he still thought I had living to do. I tried to reassure him.

"I know what my options are, Carlisle. This is the best one I could come up with. I don't have anyone to return to in my human life, but I am not ready to call it quits yet. You've all shown me that this doesn't have to be a death sentence. It doesn't even have to be a bad thing. So, if you are willing to keep me and teach me your ways, I would very much like to stay." While I didn't know how to be any clearer, I didn't want to lie to him, either. This wasn't a dream come true. It wasn't my girlhood fantasy come to fruition. It was just my reality. I refused to fight it anymore and I wouldn't be defeated by it.

"That certainly is a different way to look at this. I will not deny that I am very pleased you have changed your mind, but I must ask why? What has led to the change in perspective?" He inched closer to me, but rather than shrink back away from him like I used to, I found my body leaning towards his.

"I've been spending time with you all over the past few weeks, which gave me a chance to observe you. What you have going on here is so vastly different than what I had ever considered possible once I was thrust into this world. You've opened my eyes to what I could have, and rather than run and hide from it, I've decided to just embrace it." He didn't have to know that this decision had pretty much just been made today.

"There's just one thing I ask." He looked so pleased with my declaration that I decided to go for broke. "I want you to be the one to do it."

His eyebrows shot up in surprize, but he recovered quickly. A slow smile crept over his perfect features. He nodded once. "All right, Bella. I will change you myself if that is your desire."

The way his voice rolled over the words sent shivers up my spine. Desires involving him of an entirely different kind rolled through me. I struggled to keep myself calm and under control. The reactions I keep having around him were as intriguing as they were unnerving. I had a feeling I knew where my thoughts were headed. I was nowhere near ready for that yet, so I shoved them aside and focused on what I needed to accomplish here and now.

"Does this mean you'll stop avoiding me now?" I asked in a quiet voice. I tried not to let the hurt or confusion creep in. I didn't know why his absence had bothered me so much. It wasn't like I knew him all that well.

Remorse flooded his eyes and he ducked his head slightly. "I apologize for that, Bella. I was struggling with your desire for death. I felt it would be best if I was not around you while you worked through your decisions. I will make a concerted effort not to withdraw from you in such a way again."

His words were so formal that I felt a little uncomfortable. Then I remembered when he had been changed and it started to make more sense. It wasn't like he was being cold and distant. I had a feeling this was just how he dealt with things that were difficult for him. My suicidal thoughts were clearly a cause for distress in his eyes.

"It's okay," I assured him. "I guess I just didn't understand why my measly little life meant so much to you."

His eyes flashed angrily for an instant before warming with affection. He shook his head. "No, I suppose my reactions would not make much sense to you. Let me try to clarify."

He shifted so that his body was now directly parallel to my own. We had both moved enough that our knees were almost touching, our bodies mirroring each other's. Slowly, very slowly, Carlisle lifted his hand and gently tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. My eyes stayed locked on his while he parted his lips to speak.

"I spent the first years of my existence fighting against my very nature. I tried everything I could think of to end my own life, such as it had become after I had been turned. See, I had been raised in the church, and its teachings – my father's teachings – stayed with me even after the change. I was so deeply ashamed of what I had become that I wanted nothing more than to die. It was the most miserable, dark, and macabre point of my life. I would not wish this feeling on any other living creature. So imagine my horror when a young, vibrant, beautiful woman stumbled into my life and craved the very same destruction I had sought out centuries before. The idea that you were in so much pain, that you felt so isolated and hopelessly about yourself tore at me in ways I have never before experienced. Bella, I do not know why I am so affected by you, but I do know that this world would never be the same – that I would never be the same – if you were no longer in it."

I hadn't realized there were tears trickling down my cheeks until he reached up and gently brushed them away with the icy tips of his fingers. His touch left a blazing trail along my skin, one which I longed to feel again and again.

"I do believe you were sent here as much for my salvation as for your own, Miss Swan." His words were so passionate that I felt the air whoosh from my lungs. Too many thoughts screamed for dominance in my mind. It was difficult to settle on one.

Eventually I decided on, "What makes you think that I need saving, Carlisle?" His name on my tongue did interesting things to my heart. It was becoming harder to ignore. Especially in such close proximity.

"Ah, Bella, we are all in need of a little rescuing from time to time. This is far from being a weakness. It just allows one to express when help is required." He smiled and lowered his head to meet my dropped gaze.

"Being strong all the time can become an impossible task when there is no one there to share the burden," he continued in that velvety voice I could quite easily become addicted to do. I shook my head against the thought, but I think he must have thought it was to his comment.

"You do not have to face this life alone, Bella. We will be here for you, care for you, l –" he started to say when I began to freak out and placed my fingers over his marble lips. I couldn't let him finish that sentence. It was too much to hope for. Co-existence was as much as I was capable of right now. Anything more – like love – was an impossibility for someone as broken as me.

"I'm more than equipped to deal with the possibilities, Carlisle," I informed him quietly. He shook his head and sighed. I mirrored him. "Do you doubt that I can take care of myself?

"No, sweet girl, but that does not mean that you should _have_ to," he iterated strongly, golden eyes burning into mine. "Allow us be there for you. Allow us help you." He paused and pulled my hand across my lap and into his. "Allow me," he whispered and caressed the top of my hand with his skilled fingers.

I was having trouble breathing. Everything he said, everything he offered was . . . well, perfect. I had always known that if something looks too good to be true that's because _it is_. And yet, here with them, with him, I wanted it. All of it. And most of all, I really, really wanted to believe I was worthy.

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**A/N: YAY! She's sticking around. Reviews are love. Plus, I update faster in an effort to please people ;-)**


	9. Happy

**A/N: Wow. There are over fifty of you who favorite and follow this story. Imagine how many reviews there could be if each of you left one after reading a chapter? The mind boggles :-) Thank you to those who DO comment. I love them. **

**So, my pre-reader said I should put a tissue warning on this chapter. So there it is. The title song is by Leona Lewis. Enjoy. **

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Edward's POV

"So, now that you all know Bella's decision, are there any questions?" Carlisle had called a family meeting shortly after his 'moment' upstairs.

"I have one." I raised my hand and grinned. Next to me, my wife shook her head and mutter 'oh boy' under her breath. She knew me too well. "Carlisle, did you know that denial is not a river in Egypt?"

My father figure pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance and sighed heavily. I chuckled.

_Give it a rest, Edward. Now is not the time._

"I disagree," I countered with his thought. All eyes at the table, especially Bella's, were glued to Carlisle.

"Have I missed something?" she asked, her brown eyes narrow with suspicion.

"Just my brother being a colossal ass, as usual," Alice griped. Jasper snickered next to her.

_I think Carlisle will be making an extended trip to that river, Edward._

"I really wish he wouldn't," I replied to Jazz's thought.

"Enough already! I hate the super-secret conversations you have with people. Talk out loud for Christ's sake!" Emmett snapped and smacked his hand down on the table, causing Bella to jump slightly. He looked over at her, abashed. "Sorry," he muttered.

_Edward, give Carlisle a break. This is hard on him,_ Esme thought to me. I nodded once and turned to Bella.

"So, when do you want to get this party started?" I frowned slightly when I heard her heart rate accelerate.

"What are you afraid of, Bella?" Jasper asked. She shot him an irritated look before sighing loudly.

"Fine, whatever. Um, I would really like to live through the holidays if that's possible. I don't know you if you all celebrate them or anything, but I've never had a normal Christmas. Call it a last request." She was doing that rapid talking thing she did when she was nervous. Before Jasper could decide whether to use his gift of not, Esme leaned forward and placed her hand on top of Bella's.

"Of course you can wait. Wait as long as you like, dear. No one minds. And while we don't traditionally celebrate Thanksgiving, we always make a big deal out of Christmas," she told her with a wide smile.

"I kind of figured about turkey day, unless those . . . taste good?" She stumbled over he words, but at least she was talking more freely than when she first arrived. This was definitely an improvement.

"YUCK! No, Bella, fowl is foul!" Emmett punned. Bella rolled her eyes and snorted.

"Of course, we would be willing to make the exception for you this year," Carlisle provided. His thoughts swirled around different ways to make her feel as special and welcome as he could without overwhelming her. His fantasies were interrupted by Emmett's groan, followed by Bella's laugh. It was the first time anyone had ever heard it, so she had our undivided attention.

"Um, I don't think that's necessary for just me. Plus, doesn't human food smell like ass?" Her eyes even sparkled a little as she grinned at Em.

Carlisle shot him a look of disapproval before addressing her again. "It really is not that bad, I assure you. And it would be no trouble at all."

Bella's eyebrows shot up in amused disbelief. "No trouble at all, huh? Tell me Carlisle, have you ever cooked a full Thanksgiving dinner?"

He was pleased that she was able to tease him so openly. "Ah, no, I cannot say that I have."

"Thought so," she replied with a smirk. "Christmas will be more than enough, I promise. I'll make a chicken or something for Thanksgiving. Which reminds me, now that I have decided to stay here, do you think I can go out shopping for my stuff from now on?"

"Does shopping make you uncomfortable?" Jasper asked, confusion marring his thoughts.

She rolled her eyes. "Uh, no. You know, just because you can read my emotion, that doesn't mean you can understand what they mean all the time. So cut it out. It's annoying."

It was the first time she had dared to scold any of us. After a quick scan of everyone's thoughts I realized we were all quite proud of her. Jasper smirked.

"Wish I could, darlin'. I don't possess your skills with the ability to switch off," he countered. She flushed a little and looked away from him. Maggie came to her aide immediately.

"Would you mind if someone accompanied you for your shopping?" I could read her concerns and knew that we all shared them.

"Think I'll do a runner?" Bella joked with a cocked eyebrow. I was really enjoying the more laidback side of her. I hoped she expressed herself like this from now on.

"Please, like you could outrun any of us," Rose teased. "Humans are so slow they practically move backwards."

Bella smirked, but Garrett decided to explain our motives. "You smell like vampires, Bella. If any of our kind came across you it could mean trouble. We just want to ensure your safety."

"Oh." She looked like she hadn't considered that. She glanced around the room and frowned. "What happened to Eleazar?"

"He goes back to his own family every few days. He cannot spend so much time away from his mate without it becoming stressful," Carlisle explained to her. She nodded like she understood. I wondered if she really did. I knew Carlisle would if he just stopped fighting it so damned much.

Suddenly Alice grinned as Bella looked down at the table and began tracing patterns I would have thought were invisible to her eyes.

"Can't really fight that pull, huh?" Bella murmured to herself.

_Say nothing, big brother. They need to come to this conclusion on their own, _Alice warned me.

All eyes were on Bella and I could hear everyone's shocked thoughts. No one's ideas were more flustered than Carlisle's.

_Impossible . . . human still . . . she cannot feel . . . all this time . . . could it be?_

"Yes," I answered before I could stop myself.

_For the last time, stay out of it, Edward. You cannot know what she is thinking or feeling. You do not know everything, contrary to your own beliefs._

I was used to being chastised by Carlisle in his thoughts, but the ferocity behind these hurt a little. I was really trying to help him find the happiness that had cruelly eluded the kindest man I had ever met. It was extremely difficult for me simply to sit back and just wait for them to come to the realization on their own. I did not handle frustration well, as my wife kept reminding me.

"Wait, you mean you can fight it?" Bella was confused by my response to Carlisle and had mistakenly believed it was her I was answering. I tried to diffuse the situation slightly.

"You can, but I would not recommend it. It is very painful. Sort of like fighting against all your natural instincts," I tried to explain. Carlisle's eyes darted towards mine, but his thoughts were as silent as he was.

"That sounds . . . miserable," she said finally. Her face was etched with worry and she bit her lip.

"What has you so confused?" Jasper asked and then grinned when she made a face at him.

"It's just this whole mating thing. Is it possible to feel the mating pull for someone who doesn't feel the same way?" She studiously avoided eye contact with everyone.

_Where on earth would she get that idea? Why would this be of concern to her? I wonder if she has started feeling anything for –_

Carlisle's thoughts cut off abruptly and mentally began cataloguing every mental health diagnosis that had been published in the DSM since its inception. I rolled my eyes at his attempts to keep me out, but gave him his privacy.

"Subtle," I chided him. He very discreetly flipped me off. I was not able to contain my surprised chuckle. Carlisle was very rarely vulgar. I must really be pushing his buttons. I would make an effort to ease off a little.

"What's so funny about that?" Bella snapped suddenly. Jasper shot me a wave of annoyance.

I grinned ruefully. "Nothing, Bella. I was laughing at Carlisle's thoughts."

"Edward, so help me God . . ." The warning was clear in Carlisle's tone and expression. I decided not to push my luck. I may be faster than him, but he could be very creative when he put his mind to it. I suppressed a shudder when I recalled the last time I had made him truly angry.

"I really don't like this whole silent conversation thing you do," she grumbled and crossed her arms petulantly.

"Preach, sister." Emmett raised his fist in camaraderie. Everyone snickered when she bumped her tiny hand against his massive one. Those two were going to be trouble, I could see it now.

"To answer your question, no. You only feel the pull with your mate and it is always mutual." I tried to assure her with my eyes, but I must have overdone the intensity. She blinked owlishly at me before shrinking back closer to Rose.

"Good one, asshat," my sister muttered under her breath. "Way to freak her out."

That was the last thing I wanted to do, so I decided to offer an olive branch in hopes of getting back in her good graces. "Bella, would you be up for a shopping trip today? If you can withstand my company for a few hours, of course."

She arched an eyebrow at me. "Uh, just you and me?"

Maggie giggled and nudged me with her elbow. "No, precious girl, I will come too."

Bella visibly relaxed, but shot a concerned gaze at Carlisle. It took a minute for anyone to realize she was looking to him for permission. He shook his head sadly and offered her a gentle smile.

"Bella, you do not need my consent to go somewhere. All I ask is that you take someone with you when venturing into town. Does that sound reasonable?"

"Um, yeah, sure, thanks," she stuttered. She seemed to be having difficulty looking away from him. I tried not to snicker at their obvious ogling.

"Do grow up, dear," Esme chastised me when she saw my expression.

"A physical impossibility," I shot back with a grin.

"But not an emotional one," Bella suddenly contributed. She seemed to shy away after making her comment, so I chuckled out loud to let her know I harbored her no ill will. I rather liked her sarcastic side.

"I'm afraid I am a lost cause," I informed her gleefully.

"We've been trying for years now," Maggie muttered while giving me a half glare. I kissed her forehead before rising from the table.

"Well, I'm ready to go when you are, Bella." She seemed surprized again. After a deep breath and a steady nod she rose shakily to her feet.

"Okay, then I guess we can get going. Is there a bank? I might be able to access my old accounts . . ." she trailed off when she saw us all shake our heads.

"Too risky for there to be any trace of you," Alice provided.

"We've got you covered, peanut," Emmett assured her with a nod. This time she shook her head. I was afraid she was about to kick up a stink about us spending money on her. It turns out that wasn't what she was objecting to.

"Food names, Em? Really?" Her teasing expression was back. He grinned back.

"Sure thing, pop tart. You just get whatever you need."

Her eyes widened. "Oh, pop tarts."

A few of us laughed as Maggie ushered her out towards Emmett's massive Jeep. It was the only vehicle that would manage the snowy terrain. Once she was harnessed in, Maggie stomped on the gas as we headed off towards the only town within a hundred miles. The Sam's Club in Fairbanks was where we picked up her food so far, so that's where we headed.

"Thanks for this," Bella said after twenty three minutes of excruciating silence.

"It's not a problem. It's actually easier for you to pick out your own meals instead of us guessing what you like to eat." I shrugged.

"I was just wondering, Bella." Maggie turned to look in the backseat. I could tell where her thoughts were headed. Since I wanted the same answers I just let her do the talking.

"Look, I'll answer most anything you ask me, but I do ask you keep your eyes on the road," Bella squeaked in alarm. Maggie laughed and turned to face forward, but kept an eye on her in the rearview mirror.

"I love that you're being so honest now," my wife said with a big grin. In truth, we were all happy she was comfortable enough to speak her mind more.

"You want to know what really changed my mind," she said quietly.

"Yes, if you don't mind sharing. I will keep it to myself if you like," she offered kindly. "So will Edward."

"I will?" I joked. She reached over and slapped my thigh. "Ow!" I hissed.

Bella cracked a smile at our antics, but turned to look at the scenery that flew by us. She sighed deeply before she began speaking in a soft, sad voice.

"I spent my whole life feeling unwelcome, like a burden. I never really had friends. Not real ones, anyway. I always seemed to value people more than they did me. It was hard, but I was often grateful just to have someone."

"What about your parents?" I asked when she paused for a minute.

"They divorced when I was a baby. My dad was okay, but we were never really close. I only saw him a few weeks of every year until my mom and stepdad died when I was seventeen. I went to Washington to live with him, but then he was killed after prom the following spring, so . . ."

"Oh, Bella." Maggie's thoughts were so compassionate that I felt my throat tighten knowing what kind of distress she was in hearing Bella's story.

Bella shrugged and continued to stare out the window while she spoke quietly. "I'm so used to it that I never really expected anything different. I tried to have relationships when I was old enough, but none of them ever worked out. I was too needy or not what they wanted. A few times I got involved with the wrong type of guy. Thankfully, Charlie was still alive then, so I had some support when I broke things off. Of course, that was after one of them had broken my arm." She frowned, but then went on. She wasn't able to hear the low growls that came from both Maggie and me. I might just have to discover the identity of the jackass and break a few of his bones for good measure.

"I had finally made some good friends up in Forks, but we went to different colleges. We were seeing each other for the first time in two years when those . . . others found us camping. After that, I spent the entire time with them feeling like life couldn't get any worse than what I had already experienced. I was just starting to feel some sort of happiness before it was all ripped away from me. But that seems to be what happens for me."

She swallowed thickly and then whispered, "I've never really fit in anywhere. I always tried, always wanted it desperately, but I could never seem to find my niche. I was so tired of feeling alone and unwanted that I really didn't care if I died. Except when my life was literally put in danger, I found that I did care. I couldn't think of one thing to live for, but for some reason my mind would not let my body give up. It was the strangest thing I'd ever experienced. And then I was brought here to all of you. You have everything I've always wanted. So, I'll take the risk that once again I'll overstay my welcome and try. Who knows? Maybe this time I'll find a way to actually feel some sort of happiness."

If I had been capable of shedding tears anymore I just may have a few for the broken human woman in our backseat. I knew that Maggie would as well. I reached over and squeezed my wife's hand, rubbing soothing circles on her fingers as she mentally tried to keep herself from breaking down. I waited until I knew my voice wouldn't break before finally turning to address Bella.

"People often don't treasure those most important to them like they should. They take them for granted." I wanted to try and offer her some comfort, but the wry smile that didn't reach her eyes told me I had missed the mark.

"The only value I seem to have is to your kind as some sort of freakish weapon. But you know what? I don't care anymore. I've never had any kind of power before, at least none that I was aware of until my kidnapping. And yet I've always felt like the odd one out. I was never able to bond with anyone fully, not even my parents. But here . . ." She shook her head.

"You have become one of the family, Bella. We all care for you deeply," Maggie added in an emotional voice. Bella turned her tear filled eyes to us.

"I . . . can see that, I think. But I really have a hard time believing it will last. Nothing ever does," she said before turning away as her tears finally fell.

"That's not true for you anymore," I argued with a half smile. She scrubbed her sleeve over her cheeks before turning her large brown eyes back to mine in question.

"You're going to be immortal. All we have is forever. Nothing ever fades. Especially love." If only I could tell her, but Alice had been very clear. I had seen what would happen if we didn't just let things occur naturally between them.

"Love," Bella said wistfully, her lips tugging into a slight smile. "Not sure I believe in love."

"You will." It was all I could say. I wouldn't ruin this for them. They both needed it too much.

Maggie and I followed Bella around the giant Sam's Club while she chose food and the occasional comfort item for her room. I tried not to snicker too loudly when she chose a rather garish purple fuzzy alarm clock for her room. I must not have been too discreet because she turned and huffed at me, placing her fists on her hips in challenge.

"What?" she snapped.

"You know you don't actually need one of those, right? Just ask one of us to wake you at a certain time and we will." I smiled.

"Maybe I don't want you creeping around my bedroom. Besides, you're bright shiny face isn't the first thing I want to see when I wake up," she added with a smirk. "No offense."

"Can't blame you, dearie," Maggie chimed in with a giggle. I stuck my tongue out at her before turning back to Bella with a wicked grin.

"I'm sure we can arrange for someone much more to your liking to be your alarm clock." I smiled wider when her face flushed hotly and she turned away from us. Maggie elbowed me in the kidney.

"Stop that!" she hissed. I shook my head.

Bella sighed suddenly and started stacking things in the cart again. "It's Carlisle, isn't it?"

Slightly shocked, my wife and I turned to the woman examining different kinds of shampoo in bottles large enough to last her until the end of the decade. I shot a look at Maggie as if to ask permission, but she merely shrugged. None of us had expected her to be so direct. I was wholly unprepared. Tempted to call Alice, I pulled out my phone and saw an incoming text from said psychic sister. I rolled my eyes.

_Go with it. Be honest. Keep your opinions to your damn self!_

Maggie giggled when she read the text and turned to Bella with a small smile. "What's Carlisle?"

Bella turned and gave my mate a 'don't play stupid' look before leaning towards us and whispering conspiratorially, "You know damn well what I'm asking you, so just tell me if I'm right."

"Yes, he's your mate," I answered her simply. She stiffened, eyes wide, before nodding absently and turning back to load her purchases on the conveyor belt at check out. Nothing else was said until after we got back on the road. Her heart kept speeding up or beating hard in her chest, but she remained silent, her expression curiously blank as she stared out the window. Finally, I couldn't take any more.

"What are you thinking back there?" I just had to know what was going through her head. It was killing me to be so clueless.

"I'm not sure what to think, actually," she muttered and shook her head.

"You feel it, though. I know you do," Maggie said softly and looked at her in the review mirror. Bella's head snapped forward and her eyes narrowed.

"How could you know something like that?" She was instantly suspicious again. It reminded me of the first week she had spent with us.

"You said so yourself this morning. Do you remember?" Maggie prodded gently.

"I said nothing of the kind!" Bella argued.

"You did, actually. We were talking about Eleazar having to return to his mate and you said something about not being able to fight the pull. You wouldn't know that unless you had felt it personally." When she didn't respond I asked, "Am I right?"

"It doesn't matter," she mumbled and turned to look out the window again.

"Is there something wrong with Carlisle that you wouldn't want him for a mate?" There was no judgment or rebuke in Maggie's voice, but Bella responded as if there was.

"Of course not!" she practically shouted, seemingly outraged. "He's practically perfect in every way!"

I fought to contain my smile and failed dismally. "All right, so what seems to be the problem?"

Bella clamed up again, but this time I was determined not to let her. I turned around in my seat and faced her head on.

"Are you afraid of him?" I asked in a quiet voice. She huffed quietly, her breath fogging the window, but didn't answer. Alarmed by this possibility, I prodded more. "What about him scares you?"

"It's not him!" she snapped and turned to glare at me. "It's . . ."

"Yes?" I asked when she didn't complete her thought. She sighed and shook her head, heart beat escalating again. Frustrated, I pushed a little. "Look, you're clearly worried about something. If you tell us, we might be able to put your mind at ease."

"Doubtful," she muttered back and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Do you think he doesn't feel it, too? Is that why you asked that question this morning?" Maggie suddenly asked.

Bella flushed again, but remained stubbornly silent. I kept trying.

"We told you already. That isn't possible. You can bet that everything you've been experiencing has been the same for Carlisle. That's how mates work." It was clearly the wrong thing to say because suddenly she paled and whirled on me.

"Believe me, I know how it works!" she spat. I was bewildered by her sudden anger. I frowned and shook my head.

"Something tells me that you really don't," I countered. She glowered at me, but I refused to let up. "Don't you see, Bella? You aren't destined to spend your life alone. Being mated to Carlisle ensures that you finally have the family you always craved."

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she shook her head furiously and scrubbed them away with the back of her hand. "Impossible," she muttered. "There's always a catch."

"No catch, sweet girl. You might not be in a fairy tale, but you will get your happily ever after." Maggie's voice was soft, but full of emotion. I reached over and squeezed her hand as she pulled up to the house.

"There's no such thing," Bella whispered and then flung herself from the Jeep before it had even come to a complete stop. She was in the house before I could say anything else. I shook my head and began unloading her things.

"Bella, wait just a minute, please," Alice requested from the great room. I heard Bella's footsteps pause halfway up the stairs.

"What is it, Alice?" She sounded drained.

"Show her, Jazz," Alice commanded quietly. Silence filled the next five seconds until I heard Bella suck in a sharp breath and shift her weight on the stairs. Her heart thundered in her chest for a few moments. I focused on Jasper, but found him blocking me off quite effectively.

_Mind your own business, nosy!_

I rolled my eyes at Alice. Like she had any room to talk when it came to staying out of people's business. I walked into the house and saw Bella's eyes wide, glazed over. She slid down the wall, her hands pressed over her heart. After a minute I could tell that Jasper had let up whatever he was showing her.

"What the hell was that?" she gasped out.

"That's how he feels whenever you are around," Jasper answered with a small smile. "I can show you what it's like when you're gone, but it's far less pleasant, as you already know." He winked at her.

I looked over at him approvingly. That was exactly what she needed; proof. Projecting Carlisle's feelings onto her was irrefutable evidence that she couldn't argue with or ignore.

She shook her head slowly while she stared off in space, her face awestruck. "Impossible," she whispered.

"You keep saying that." I walked over and stood at the bottom of the stairs. She turned to meet my eyes. "When are you going to see that it's not?"

Without another word, Bella slowly rose and continued on to her room. After clicking the door shut behind her very quietly I heard her sit on her bed and pull in a deep breath.

"Heaven help me," she whispered. I couldn't resist.

"Heaven's done its part," I called up after her. "Now, it's your turn."

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**A/N: Well, what you do all think? Understanding Bella a little more now? Reviews equal happy writer, which equals faster updates. **


	10. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

**A/N: Thank you to all who favorite, follow, and review :-) I love the comments. So, here's the next chapter. Things really start rolling from here. Enjoy xx**

**Song by Sixpence None the Richer. **

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Carlisle's POV

"Really, Edward, how much do you think this puny human eats?" Rose asked genially as she nudged Bella with her hip.

"Hey, this puny human picked everything out herself, thank you very much. And not all of us can have body by Playboy, Rose," Bella countered with a grin.

"Thank God!" Emmett said emphatically and raised his arms up to the heavens. I rolled my eyes at their antics.

Esme and Garrett were in the great room putting up the tree while Jasper and Alice decorated the mantle and bannisters with bows of evergreen adorned with ribbons. Candles sat on every surface flickering softly, giving off a warm glow. With Christmas only days away we were in full decoration mode. Carols and hymns flowing around us further compounding the peaceful and merry atmosphere.

I stood in the kitchen helping Bella put away her latest purchases from the bulk lot store Edward continued to take her to. I did not complain. Bella was far healthier now than when she first arrived, having gained twelve pounds that rounded out her womanly figure nicely. Not that I noticed such things.

"Sure you don't, old man," Edward muttered lowly as he plucked a box of cereal from Bella's outstretched grasp and placed it on a shelf she struggled to reach.

I sighed. It had been a constant battle with my son these past few weeks. It seemed like all we did lately was argue. It was not as if I did not agree with some of what he was saying. I wasn't as blind as he accused me of being. I noticed the change in her demeanor towards me. She was warmer, smiling more often, gracing me with a brush of her hand here, a caress there. And she seemed far less nervous when we spent time together without being in the presence of others. I appreciated it when my family made themselves scare in an effort to allow Bella to become more comfortable with me. However, that did not give Edward carte blanche to say whatever he pleased regarding the pace I had set when it came to Bella. He was always dropping hints about my growing feelings for Bella, while I consistently requested that he mind his own business.

"If threatening to have me drawn and quartered could be considered a requested," Edward remarked around a crooked grin.

"Anything can be considered a request when put forth in a polite manner," I reminded him while I arranged the fruit in a crystal bowl on the counter. Edward chuckled and shook his head.

I still was not open to discussing the possibility that Bella could be my mate. Although lately I had come to the conclusion that it was more of a certainty than not. I had many discussions with Jasper around the feelings that consistently swirled through me. It was not necessary to get a second opinion, of course. I suspected what was happening to me when I first laid eyes on her. I fought it at first. She was too traumatized for me to think that she could ever handle this information. It was not until she tried to end her life that I really knew. Those first few weeks had been utter hell for me. The idea that it had taken centuries for me to find my mate for her to be suddenly taken from me had been too much to bear. I had spent as much time away from her as I could manage in an effort to shield her from my grief. I knew she would not understand the overwhelming sadness that I succumbed to at the thought of her ceasing to exist. I did not wish to complicate her desires or feelings with my own. After all, there was a chance that she did not feel anything for me. She was still human. I had never heard of a human mating with a vampire, but I had heard of a vampire finding their mate while still in their human form. Usually the human was changed right away, so the mating was completed directly afterwards. With Bella, there was no being certain until she was changed. Jasper had offered some assurances, but I was not entirely convinced.

"There is no doubt that she has feelings for you, Carlisle," he had told me. "But she fights them hard. It's strange. Whenever I can feel anything along the lines of love or attraction coming from her it's always followed up with a huge amount of insecurity and sadness. I have a feeling she feels unworthy of you, or maybe just of love in general."

Edward had been paying particular attention to our conversation, but when he made to contribute, a sound smack from Maggie made him rethink his decision. He shook his head, grumbling something about 'girl code' before stalking out of the room. When I looked to Maggie she had simply shrugged.

"Some things you need to let her tell you herself, Carlisle. No amount of mind reading, fuzzy wuzzies, or medical knowledge can break down the complexities of woman's heart." With that she had taken her leave, a knowing smile on her face.

"I do not give people the fuzzy wuzzies." Jasper was clearly put out with the analogy, thus ending our conversation. I still wondered if that had been her intention all along.

I was brought back to the present when Bella began humming along with some recent version of 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas'. Her voice was low and pleasant, her eyes staring far off through the kitchen window. I had to resist the urge to wrap my arms around her waist and draw her body up against mine. While she was becoming more comfortable with casual contact, even I knew that would be crossing a line she wasn't ready for yet.

"You might be surprised," Edward muttered, once again answering my thoughts. Exasperated and near my wits end, I whirled around on him.

"For heaven's sake, Edward, enough!" I practically shouted. Several pairs of golden eyes and one pair of chocolate brown turned toward me, startled. The only heartbeat in the room accelerated slightly.

I took several deep breaths while Maggie quietly chided her mate. When I looked up at him again I saw that he wasn't the slightest bit repentant. I felt my jaw clench and my eyes narrow. I had taken just about from him as I could without snapping.

I noticed Bella edging her way out of the kitchen, eyes nervously darting back and forth between my son and I. Remorse welled up inside me at the thought that I may have frightened her with my outburst. She had come so far in such a short time. I did not want to be responsible for setting her back in any way.

"I'm just going to go . . . help Esme," she said in a quiet voice before turning and practically running from the room.

"Edward, I will not tell you again," I warned him with a growl. "Leave it alone."

"Seriously, Carlisle, you know I respect you more than any other man on this planet, but glaciers move faster than you," Edward complained. Shaking his head, he ventured out of the kitchen with Maggie trailing after him.

"Don't listen to him, Carlisle," Rose said once they were gone. "You're handling it all very well."

"Better than I did," Emmett contributed with a shake of his head.

"Just let your instincts guide you," Rose offered kindly and rubbed my shoulder. "This looks good on you, by the way."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Alice said if I wore one more sweater vest she would stage an intervention."

Emmett guffawed loudly while Rose snickered. "I do think dressing more your physical age makes you far more approachable than the physician image you constantly have to put forward during our time around humans. Just remember that Bella doesn't need to see the lie. She needs to see the man you really are. Trust her enough to show her."

"Although, some women really dig that whole doctor fantasy thing." Emmett wagged his eyebrows suggestively. I groaned.

"Not you, too," I complained. I was not sure how much more I could take.

"Just saying," Em replied and raised his hands in surrender.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Esme's alarmed voice carried to our ears. Before she even finished speaking we all stood in the great room. Everyone was looking worriedly at Bella expect Jasper. His expression was one of quiet understanding.

"Just give her a minute," he murmured.

Bella stood in the middle of the room, her brown eyes wide and brimming with tears. Both of her covered her mouth as she stared around the room, turning very slowly on the spot. Everything looked to be finished and in true Esme fashion, it looked like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. I could not understand when sobs began shaking Bella's slender frame.

My body started to move towards hers as if on its own accord. I wanted – no, needed – to comfort her. Her pain was too much for me to bear. Before I could reach her she turned and threw herself at Esme, wrapping her in a strong embrace. Esme didn't hesitate. She folded Bella into her arms and clutched her closely. They stayed locked together, sobbing wordlessly until Bella finally pulled away and gave Esme the brightest smile I had ever seen. Even through her cascading tears I could see the joy shining through.

"Thank you so, so much. It's wonderful. Absolutely perfect, thank you," she choked out while she tried to catch her breath.

Esme struggled to compose herself. Even though we could not actually cry anymore, we still felt the urge and venom pooled in our eyes at moments of great emotion. She swallowed a few times before speaking.

"You are more than welcome, sweetie. I'm so glad you like."

Bella shook her head. "I love it."

When they hugged again I felt a pang of jealousy. I could not believe how desperately I wanted to be the one who she showed affection to and ran to for comfort. It was a selfish thought, of course, and I immediately felt guilty for having it. Next the mantle Edward shook his head and smirked, but said nothing. It was the wisest choice he had made all week. He chuckled.

"How do we make the human stop leaking?" Emmett stage whispered loud enough for Bella to hear him. She laughed through her tears and pulled back, wiping her face on her sleeve until Alice offered her a tissue.

"Sorry," she mumbled as her face glowed pink with embarrassment.

"Please," Rose scoffed. "He'd be bawling like a baby if he was capable."

"Hey!" Emmett protested when we all laughed.

"Right!" Alice suddenly clapped her hands together and grinned. "We're all going to go into the kitchen and bake. You, Bella, are going to help Carlisle finish up out here. We still have to hang the star and a few odds and ends."

The sudden wolfish grin on Edward's face made me nervous, but he studiously ignored me. It was about damn time. Everyone filed off towards the kitchen as Alice handed me a small box with a wink.

"Just go with it," she whispered before disappearing from sight.

"Okay?" Bella looked after them with confusion evident on her beautiful face. I shrugged.

"Have you not figured out how strange my family is yet?" I asked her in an attempt to break the awkward moment. It worked well and she graced me with another beaming smile.

"You know they say children are only as normal as their parents," she teased, her eyes sparkling. I couldn't stop myself from grinning back like that fool I am no matter how hard I tried.

"That explains it then." I would take her mockery any day.

"What do we have to do?" She peered over into the box I held in my hands. I moved the paper and withdrew a crystal star.

"Wow, that has to be one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen," she whispered and delicately stroked a point with one finger.

"It is lovely, but pales in comparison," I said quietly, only just managing to stop myself from completing the thought out loud.

"Coward!" Edward hissed from in the kitchen. I wanted to growl at him, but Bella was so close to me I was worried she would hear it. I did not want to alarm her again and ruin this moment. I had so few of them with her.

Her cheeks flushed deeply as she murmured, "Yes, it does."

I am sure I looked confused, but she would neither meet my eyes nor expound upon her statement. It appears I was not the only one hiding things and being cryptic. I reached out and grasped her hand in mine, turning it over and gently laying the star on her open palm. She looked up at me with question and concern on her face. I smirked and took a step closer.

"I am going to lift you up so you can place the star. It is a tradition we have here. The newest member of the family gets to hang the last ornament. Since this is all that remains, it is yours to place." It wasn't entirely untrue. Once Rose had gained her control over her strength we had made a big deal out of her being able to participate in decorating the tree, but with Emmett it had taken far longer.

Bella's eyes widened, but she nodded and stammered, "Okay. Just don't drop me."

"Never," I vowed and hoped she could read all the meaning in that one word that I meant to portray. She must have still been nervous because her heart sped up and she trembled a little as she turned towards the tree.

"Okay, I'm ready," she whispered so quietly I wasn't sure if she meant for me to hear it. I stepped up directly behind her and gently placed my hands on her hips.

Leaning closer than I needed to, I whispered in her ear, "One . . . two . . . three."

She sucked in a sharp breath as I lifted her near weightless body into the air above me. Her back was a little above my eyes level when I felt her shift slightly in my grip.

"Ow," she breathed. I looked up in alarm, afraid I was gripping her too tightly when I saw her batting at a piece of mistletoe that hung directly over her head. "Stupid holly." She leaned forward again and very precisely secured the star before glancing over her shoulder at me.

"All done. You can bring me back down." She smiled and locked her eyes on mine briefly, but turned away once she began blushing again. I would miss seeing that when she was turned. I gently lowered her back down.

"Mistletoe," I suddenly blurted out when her feet touched the floor. She turned slowly to face me, but even after I was certain she was steady I could not bear to drop my hands. If my heart still beat, it would be racing right now.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Hanging from the ceiling," I added to clarify my sudden outburst. "It is not holly. It's mistletoe."

"Oh," she breathed and then nodded. "In that case . . ."

She leaned up on her toes as I felt her warm hands press against my chest. I did not hesitate. I did not wait for her to come to me. Perhaps I should have, but something told me to just let go. So I bent my head and brushed my stone lips against her soft, full ones. Once. Twice. Three times before a hunger I had never felt before overcame me. Bella gasped and clutched my shirt tightly in her fists as I wound one hand through her dark, silky tresses and pulled her flush against me and pressed my mouth to hers again. I nearly lost myself when I heard a low moan break from her throat. Deepening this kiss, I tasted her, breathing her in with each gasp. Subconsciously, I knew I did not need to breathe, and yet I could not seem to control the way I practically panted when her fingers scratched gently at the back of my neck.

"Carlisle, I hate to ruin this moment for you," Edward whispered.

_THEN DON'T!_

"You need to rein it in. If she sees you with black eyes after this she is going to freak out. Take a minute and calm down," Edward said softly. I could tell from his tone he really did not want this to end badly for me, so I tried to listen. It was very difficult when every instinct I had was screaming at me to claim my mate and never let her go.

"Don't make me come in there, Carlisle," Jasper warned, but I could hear the humor in his voice.

I sighed and slowed down the desperate rhythm our lips had found. Bella finally pulled away and gasped for breath. I silently cursed myself for not considering that while I did not need oxygen, she still did. I placed soft, open mouth kisses along her jaw and neck while trying to cool my raging libido. This was all very new to me, so I may have taken more time than necessary just to have an excuse to taste more of her delectable skin. Once I was certain I had calmed sufficiently, I pulled back and smoothed her hair from her face. Her lips were slightly swollen, but she smiled up at me in wonder.

"He was right," she whispered so quietly that I wasn't sure I was meant to hear her.

"Who was?" I asked anyway. Her cheeks glowed deep pink against her alabaster skin and she bit her lower lip.

"Um, no one," she answered evasively. I heard several chuckles come from the kitchen. She must have, too. She ducked her head shyly and looked away. She was truly stunning in her abashed silence. Before I could no longer resist the urge to pull her against me once more, Alice came bounding into the room with Jasper and Edward in tow. Bella turned and smiled slightly at them.

"Where is everyone else?" she inquired lightly, stepping away from me slightly. I tried not to frown, but the loss of contact made me ache. Jasper gave me a knowing look and apologetic smile, which I returned.

"They're baking. These two are positively hopeless in the kitchen, so I've been sent to deliver them out here," Alice informed us with a bright smile. "Esme says they're never to set foot in there again unless they want to lose a limb."

"No arguments here," Jasper said with a shudder. "All those raw ingredient were positively revolting."

Bella laughed quietly and turned to Edward. "What's your excuse? I thought you didn't mind cooking for me?" She batted her eyelashes at him.

"He was removed for making anatomically correct gingerbread men and women," Alice said with mock horror on her elfish face. I turned and grimaced at him while he and Jasper chuckled. To my surprise, Bella was snickering, too.

"Nice," she said conspiratorially and winked at him. He grinned.

"Please don't encourage him," I said good-naturedly. In all honesty, I was more than thrilled that Bella seemed to be getting along with everyone so well now. It was such a remarkable change from when she first arrived here.

"I would have thought that was more Emmett's style," she said with a thoughtful, merry expression. Emmett's laughter boomed from within the kitchen.

"It is, but he's determined to make you the biggest gingerbread house known to man," Jasper drawled.

"You all don't need to go to so much trouble," Bella said suddenly, worry etched on her lovely face. "You've done too much as it is."

I couldn't stop myself this time. I reached over and cupped her warm cheeks in my palms and very gently turned her head to face me. Stroking my thumbs over her delicate bone structure I stepped so closely to her that our bodies were practically flush. Her eyes widened slightly as I leaned down and brushed my lips over hers chastely – due to the company in there room – before placing feather light kisses on her forehead.

"You are worth much and more. Do not ever doubt that, my Bella." I tried not to sound too intense. She tends to frighten easily when it comes to emotional displays of any kind. I would take things as slowly as she needed. "There is nothing I would not do for you."

"Somehow I doubt that," she whispered back, but her eyes shone with happiness. Suddenly I did not care one bit that we have an audience. I pulled her to me and kissed her deeply, trying to put as much love, devotion, and passion as I could into that simple gesture, willing her to believe my words, my feelings. Her warm mouth was so inviting I had immense trouble pulling away again when I felt her fighting for breath. I found that I was breathing harder than necessary as well. I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes, taking in her scent and all-encompassing heat.

"Try me," I challenged, my voice rough with emotion. Deep down, I prayed that she would. I wanted nothing more than to prove to her over and over just how much I truly loved her.

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**A/N: Well? Was it worth the wait? There's more to come now that the floodgates have opened ;-) Reviews make me a happy writer. **


	11. Me

**A/N: Okay, so I know I didn't post this on time. Sorry about that, but things have been INSANE. I had my little girl's birthday part to organize, my work Christmas party, clients to see last minute. Oh, and I found out that I am now pregnant with my third child. Totally unplanned, totally unprepared for - but I have to say, best Christmas gift EVER. So now morning sickness is complicating my very busy holiday season. Please bear with me over the next few weeks as I try to keep my posting schedule :-) **

**The song is by Kendall Payne. Enjoy!**

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Bella's POV

"BELLA! WAKE UP! IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

I was jolted from my first peaceful sleep in years by Emmett's bellow from the floor below. I barely had time to open my eyes before my door was thrown open and world's most overgrown toddler came bounding through my room. After two steps he was airborne. I shrieked and curled up into a ball to try and minimize the chances of injury upon impact, but I should have known him better by now. He landed – more softly than I thought was possible – to my right. I peeked through my fingers to see a bright smile, dimples and all. As hard as I tried, I was not able to scowl at him like I wanted to. He was just too damn cheery.

"Seriously, Em, how old are you?" I grumbled. He laughed and shook his head.

"On Christmas I revert back to my childhood. I find it much more satisfying."

I smiled at him and stretched my arms up over my head. I had not felt this well rested in so long that I just wanted to luxuriate in the feeling all morning. But the smell of sausage and pancakes wafted up through my open door and my stomach rumbled loudly. Without any warning, Emmett scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"HEY!" I protested shrilly. I was still getting used to them touching me so casually, but Emmett didn't make me uncomfortable anymore. I doubt I could stop him anyway, no matter how hard I tried.

"Come on; time to feed the puny human." I could hear the laughter in his voice. It made me smile. I decided to just relax a little and go with it. I was really starting to like him.

"As great as your ass is, I really don't want to stare at it right before breakfast," I snarked while he marched me down the stairs. When we reached the bottom, I was planted back on my feet.

"Yeah, it's more of a desert derrière." He stuck his hip out and did a full three-sixty, swishing his hips dramatically. I snickered at him.

"Merry Christmas, Bella." I turned and saw Carlisle kneeling in front of the hearth coaxing the fire. My jaw hit the floor.

"You . . . you're wearing pajamas." They were deep blue silk, with an old fashioned top that buttoned down the front and long pants. He even had matching wool slippers.

"Yes," he said simply and glanced away, appearing self-conscious. I think if he was capable of blushing he would have been. It made me feel better about the way my cheeks flamed.

"But you don't sleep," I spluttered. Emmett grinned widely next to me. It was then I noticed he too was in sleepwear. Unlike Carlisle, his weren't the embodiment of sexy. They were red flannel pants with a white thermal top covered in little Santa hats.

"It's a tradition we started a few decades ago," Rose said as she sauntered in carrying a steaming mug. She wore a long red silk nightgown with matching robe loosely tied at her waist. She looked like a Victoria's Secret model.

"Here," she extended the beautifully painted Christmas mug towards me. "Alice said you will need a whole lot of caffeine to keep up with us this morning."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion when she paused to consider her words before finishing with a devilish smirk. Taking the proffered drink, I shuffled my way towards the dining room and delectable scents emanating from within. I stopped short when I saw the veritable buffet that awaited me.

"Good lord, you do realize that I am just one tiny person, right?" There were fried potatoes, pancakes, sausage links, scrambled eggs, pastries, toast, syrups, and sauces of all varieties.

Esme laughed a little and waved me off. "I went a little overboard, but it's Christmas. You should be able to over indulge today of all days."

"Especially since it will be the last one where you will actually get to enjoy food," Em piped up from behind me. I turned just in time to see Rose cuff his shoulder.

"OW! What? It's true, babe. Next year she won't want to smell all that, let alone eat it." He shrugged. I tried not to focus on the morbidity of his words and instead decided to make the best of it.

"Nope, next year I'll be off hunting with you, Em. Stealing all your hibernating bears," I teased with a wink.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. It was the first time I alluded to becoming a vampire without any hint of fear or hesitation. I was getting better at this. The idea had become far less repugnant the longer I stayed with them. And the closer Carlisle and I had gotten.

"You wouldn't dare," he muttered with a smirk.

"I'll tell you what. You eat some of my breakfast and I won't ever try to steal yours." I stuck my hand out and cocked an eyebrow in challenge.

He appeared to consider it for a minute before eyeing me shrewdly. "How much exactly is some?"

I grinned. "As much as I eat."

"Pfft! You're like twelve pounds soaking wet. How much could you possibly eat? This isn't even a real challenge." He strutted over to the table and plonked down in the chair opposite to my table setting.

"Ugh, I am not holding your hand when you choke all that back up," Rose sniffed, disgusted.

Suddenly, the dining room was full. It seemed that everyone wanted to witness Emmett matching me bite for bite. Esme loaded both our plates up with equal amounts of food. Truthfully, it was more than I thought I would be able to eat comfortably, but I really wanted to see how much Em could stomach. I had learned from Carlisle that part of playing their human charade when living in more populated areas meant that sometimes they had to eat human food. He compared it to me eating dirt; I could do it if I had to, but I would most likely throw it up later. Just like they did. I almost felt bad for what Emmett was going to suffer through later, but it really intrigued me that we was willing to even try. It turns out we were both able to handle three pancakes, a few eggs, five sausage links, two pastries, and two helpings of potatoes. And a partridge in a pear tree. By the time I pushed back from the table everyone around us was laughing so loudly at Emmett's obvious gastrointestinal distress. He rose from his seat slowly and pointed at me.

"Stay away from my bears, Swan." His face was totally serious. I smiled and gave him a little mock bow.

"As promised, McCarty, the bears are all yours. Well done," I congratulated him with a smirk. He smiled back before vanishing from the room. I heard the front door slam shut two seconds later and doubled over, resting my head on the table.

"Are you all right, sweet girl?" Maggie asked from across the table. I could tell she was trying not to laugh at me. I groaned.

"Do you need a bucket?" Edward didn't bother containing his snickers. I flipped him off, earning me a whole new round of chuckles.

"When you've recovered and Emmett returns, how would you feel about opening some presents?" Alice asked near my shoulder.

"Like you don't already know what my answer is going to be," I mumbled. Her tinkling giggle rang around me and made me smile. It was impossible to not respond to them when they were happy. It seemed to be contagious.

I let her lead me out to the couch and pretended not to be surprised when Carlisle sat down directly next to me. With the exception of our one kiss a few days ago, we've had little contact with one another. Conversations aplenty, but neither of us had initiated any kind of touching since that night. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. That kiss had been the single most divine experience I had ever had. I still couldn't believe it had happened. Maybe I had dreamed it up. I certainly never expected to be the one to make the first move. It was so unlike me. I still blamed the mistletoe.

I couldn't shake the feeling of warmth that had bloomed from within me the moment his lips touched mine. Despite our temperature difference, I felt the heat. Now I craved it. It occupied my every waking thought, and sometimes my sleeping ones as well. Something had shifted within me. It felt like I was right where I was always meant to be. Like I had been missing a major part of myself and had finally been made whole. It was so deep and so intense that it rocked me to my very core. And as much as I loved feeling this way, it absolutely terrified me. Maybe that's why I hadn't made a move since then. My epiphany did not explain his lack of attempts, however.

I tried to distract myself by watching everyone open presents. I was relieved to see that while the holiday was a big deal, no one had gone overboard with gifts. There were little things given to everyone. Most of them were very thoughtful and obviously held some personal meanings to those receiving them. I had been so worried about what to get everyone, but luckily Edward had proven very helpful in that department. He even helped me make some of the presents. I may be the closest to Rose and Em, but Edward was quickly becoming someone I found I could depend on as a friend. Even if he did tease me mercilessly about seducing Carlisle. I still scoffed internally at the thought. Who was he kidding?

"Nice move with that mistletoe," he had said with a wink. I'd rolled my eyes.

"I claim insanity on that one. Or an out of body experience." I still don't know what had come over me.

"Right," he'd laughed, "your lips just attached themselves to his face of their own free will."

I hadn't argued with him. That explanation sounded perfectly logical to me. Still, I had needed his help with the Christmas gifts, so I let him taunt me the entire time. Turns out it was worth the aggravation.

"Oh, Bella! These are perfect!" Alice squealed when she removed the fashion sketch books from the bag I handed her. I rolled my eyes. Like she didn't know what I was getting her?

Emmett was clearly happy with the entire collection of Calvin and Hobbes comic books I had given him. He sat snickering while Rose examined her book on vintage cars and their mechanical workings. It was a limited edition copy from the forties, very difficult to find, but Edward said it was the only one she still lacked. She smiled at me in thanks. I had gotten Garrett a set of DVD's on the history of the Revolutionary War, while Jasper received ones from the Civil War. They both nodded approvingly in my direction. Esme loved the virtual blueprint designer I had loaded onto her laptop, while Maggie sighed wistfully and hugged me tight when she saw the claddagh I had given her. I turned to Edward and slid an envelope towards him, suddenly nervous. The satisfaction I got when I saw his eyes widen at the original score I had managed to dig up from his favorite composer was well worth the effort I had spent procuring such an item. Behind it was a whole stack of composition paper that dated back to the early nineteen hundreds.

"How on earth did you get this?" He looked astonished. I grinned.

"I'll never reveal all my secrets," I teased. He still hated that I could hide things from him. This time, though I think he was willing to let it go. Alice had been right, too. I winked at her as discreetly as I could. She grinned.

I turned to Carlisle. "I don't want you to think I forgot about you, because I didn't. I just couldn't get what I wanted for you in time for Christmas. Unfortunately, it won't be here until after New Year's. I hope you aren't offended." I held my breath and waited. Of all the things I arranged, his gift was the one that was the hardest to give, but also the one I was most nervous about. Edward assured me he would treasure it and be eternally grateful for me sharing it with him, but I was still uncertain. It was immensely personal, but if he really was my mate and would be stuck with me for all eternity – a fact I still questioned on a daily basis – he needed to know what he was in for. This was the best way I could think of to make him fully informed.

Carlisle, being the wonderful man he is, smiled and folded my hand between both of his. "I shall await its arrival with baited breath."

And there I was a giant puddle of Bella-goo. The sincerity and love that shone brightly in his golden eyes made my heart jump wildly. Emmett and Jasper snickered at my dazed reaction. It must have been a parallel universe, because instead of joining them with their mockery, Edward jumped in to rescue me from my school-girl ogling.

"Why don't you give Bella your gift, Carlisle?" Edward's smile was kind and supportive.

I had been so used to him constantly tormenting his leader that I was unaccustomed to seeing this side of him. When I looked back to Carlisle I suddenly understood why. He looked as rattled as I had ever seen him. He swallowed several times while extracting a small velvet box from behind his back. I swore his hand shook slightly when he gave it to me. Knowing that boxes like that usually contained jewelry, it was my turn to tremble slightly when I reached for it and pried the lid open. Nestled inside was a silver ring with a thick band of Celtic knots. At their center was some sort of lion encased in a shield with little clovers below it.

"It's the Cullen crest," Carlisle whispered before clearing his throat and looking up at me from under his lashes.

"We all have one," Esme explained and showed me hers set in a silver bracelet.

I look around as everyone flashed theirs to me. I felt my throat start to close off and my eyes water. I was right. This was so much more than I ever expected. It was like the daddy of all grand gestures. And suddenly, I was overcome with doubt. I was about to close the box and hand it back when Jasper suddenly appeared beside me.

"You're so wrong," he told me gently. I can't look at him. I'm doing everything I can not to break down and cry. Here was everything I have ever wanted offered to me on a silver platter. No matter how likely that it was only temporary, I desperately wanted it. I just knew it wasn't meant to be forever. No one would want me that long. No one ever had.

"You can't know –"

"You're wrong," he said again, stronger this time. "We know you. We all want to keep you. It's not just about Carlisle. You are part of this family now. Honestly, Bella I'm not sure we'd let you go even if you tried to leave now."

Startled, I look up at him. I was slightly relieved to see him smirking. I returned the gesture and blink away my tears. I may not agree with him, but I knew I would be the dumbest human on the planet to throw away an offer like this, no matter how short lived it may turn out to be. I turned back to Carlisle and let my smile shift into something I reserved just for him.

"Thank you," I whispered. "This means more to me than you could ever know." And it did. I had a family here, one that I had never had before. I would hold onto it as tightly as I could. Damn the consequences. I could deal with the fallout later.

Carlisle smiled at me before reaching into the box and withdrawing the delicate ring and sliding it onto the fourth finger of my left hand. The significance of his choice did not escape my notice, but I chose not to acknowledge it. I could examine that little detail to death later on. He lifted my hand up and placed a sweet kiss over my ringed finger, never taking his eyes off mine. The moment was so tender and intimate that I blushed all over when I remembered we were not alone. Emmett suddenly clapped his hands together loudly, causing me to jump slightly.

"Welcome to the family, kid!" he shouted. "Now, go enjoy what little humanity you've got left. I believe Carlisle may be able to help you in that department." He waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. Mortified, I suck in a breath so I can bellow at him, but I was silenced by the deep growl I heard reverberate from within Carlisle's chest. The death glare he was giving Emmett made me want to pee myself. While I wasn't exactly afraid of him, I was extremely uncomfortable when memories flooded my mind. I tried to stuff them back down. I didn't want to ruin today.

"I'm just going to get dressed," I muttered, knowing damn well they could all hear me, even over Emmett's booming laughter. I had barely stepped into my room when I felt a cool breeze behind me and saw a large white hand on my door as I tried to close it.

"Bella, may I come in?" Carlisle asked in a quiet, tense voice. It was so different from the cool, collected side of him I was used to that I just nodded dumbly and stepped aside. I heard the front door close before I shut my bedroom off from the rest of the house.

"Where are they going?" I asked and jerked my thumb at the receding laughter that came from outside.

"Hunting," he said softly. He had his back to me. Still clad in his PJ's I watched him fiddle with the hem of his nightshirt. He looked so nervous . . . so human. I walked over to him and reached out, taking his hand in mine before squeezing reassuringly. He turned to look down at me from over his shoulder. His eyes were darker than before.

"Do you need to join them?" Dark eyes were never a good sign, vegetarian or not. Still, he shook his head and kept staring intensely at me.

"I wanted to speak with you alone, if that is alright?" His lips quirked in a small smile.

I nodded. "Sure. What's on your mind?"

He dropped my hand and began pacing around my room. "Are you sure you want this, Bella? You seem so uncertain at times. I do not want you to feel like your choices have been taken from you."

I relaxed a little. My epic mood swings must have really been messing with his head. I walked over to him and stopped when we were only inches apart. Despite my anxieties when they showed their more animalistic sides, I wanted to give him something that would reassure him of just how much I really wanted everything he was offering me. This was the Carlisle I could be myself with. This was the man I had really started to fall for, whether I was ready to admit it out loud or not. I reached up and carefully stroked his perfect, chiseled face. He leaned into my touch slightly before capturing my hand with his and holding it there.

"I'm sorry I've been all over the place. I'm such a mess, Carlisle. Even before the other vampires had gotten ahold of me I was like this. I wish I could be better for you." I stopped when he shook his head.

"You do not need to be anything for me. I just want to be positive that you are getting what you want. What you need from me," he said in a low voice. I saw his eyes shift again.

"You give me more than I have ever thought possible," I tried to assure him. I could tell he wasn't placated. I sighed. "I wish I wasn't so broken, Carlisle. I wish you could understand more about me without me actually having to relive it all by saying it out loud. I'm not kidding when I say I am a mess."

"You are nothing of the sort," he argued.

"I am," I countered strongly. He had to understand this. "Anyone would be who lived through what I have. I did my undergrad in Psychology, Carlisle. I know what people are capable of overcoming and what will cause permanent, irreparable damage. I can move past my experiences, but you have to give me time. I know I do not have much of that left, but give me what you can."

"There is nothing I would not give you, Isabella," he said fervently. His darkening eyes seemed to burn from within. My breath caught and I bit my lip. He kept this side of him so tightly under wraps that I barely ever saw it. He was always so calm, so collected. I hated myself for what I was about to ask, but I had to know. I had to hear it from him. I just had to.

"Am I really your mate?" My heart thundered as the words flew through my lips. Time seemed to stand still while I waited. Finally, he nodded.

"And I am yours." His eyes blazed like hot coals. I did everything I could to quash the fear that welled up within me, bringing with it all my memories of dark eyed encounters before coming here. This moment was nothing like the ugliness that had tainted me before. I would not let it ruin this for either of us. He was giving me so much. I could at least give him this.

"Does this frighten you?" he asked quietly. He stroked his hand down my arm until it rested on my hip. I fluttered my fingers over his cheekbone.

"A little," I told him honestly. When his eyes seemed to dim somewhat I was surprised at how strongly I disliked it. I didn't want to see the fire in them die. I was alarmed by how much I liked the passion I saw there. How much I suddenly craved it.

"I am not afraid of you, Carlisle."

"What are you afraid of?" he all but whispered. He seemed scared of the answer, but I was determined to be honest with him. He deserved no less.

"That you'll change your mind. That I'll get hurt again. That you'll want to be rid of me once you've had enough." When his expression became horrified I rushed on. "I have issues, Carlisle. So many of them stem from the life I lived before being thrust into yours. Being here . . . it's helped me. You've helped me. I actually feel like I am starting to heal, but I know it will be a long, arduous process. Just, please be patient with me. If you care about me at all, just give me time."

He pulled me against him and rested his forehead on mine. Arms twined around his neck, I combed my fingers through his soft locks. His cool breath washed over my face and soothed me. He always smelled so wonderful to me – like the thick, fragrant air of a summer sunset – but I had only been this close once before. I felt a flutter of anticipation in my stomach as he titled my chin up towards him.

"I would never want to be without you. Doing so would cause me so much pain and misery that I do not know if I could survive it. Believe me when I tell you, Bella, that I need you," he said in a rough voice. I shivered. No one had ever needed me before. That in and of itself was more than enough for me, but then he said the one thing I had ached for since I was a little girl. "I love you."

My battered heart swelled almost painfully. I was so overcome that I couldn't speak. I wanted to say it back, because if I was being completely honest with myself I knew that I loved him. But I couldn't. So instead I pressed my mouth to his and lost myself in his embrace. I poured everything I felt, everything I am, into that kiss. My fingers knotted in his hair as I assaulted his mouth. He returned my fervor with passion of his own. His tongue probed and explored me expertly while his hands gripped my waist tightly against his stone body. My body was flushed with heat, my breaths coming out in short bursts, when I suddenly realized we were moving. My calves hit the side of the bed and before I could stop to overthink anything I lowered myself down, pulling him after me.

He covered me completely, one of his legs nestled between mine. The skirt of my green satin nightgown rode up to mid-thigh when he shifted over me. Pulling his lips back to mine I nipped at him when he started to slow things down. I didn't want him to stop. I needed him to keep going. My body hummed with anticipation every time he touched me. When a low rumble sounded in his chest I felt a thrill shoot right through me, only this time it wasn't fear. He kissed me so deeply it felt like he reached my very soul. It had been years since I had been in this position willingly. Even then, I had never felt desire like this. Flames of pure want licked through me and spurred me on. I slid my hand down under the collar of his shirt and raked my nails over his bare shoulder and neck. When his hips jerked in reaction, I felt a very obvious bulge press into my abdomen.

And just like that, I was completely frozen. I stopped breathing, stopped moving, and even stopped thinking. To his credit, Carlisle noticed right away and pulled back to look at me. Eyes black as coal, hair tousled around his face, he looked like a vampire sex god. I tried to attach myself to that thought. To rekindle the desire that had only seconds ago promised to drive me to sweet madness. But there were too many horrific images flashing through my mind. I couldn't shake them. Black eyes and bloodied clothes. Screams. Pain. Fury. Eardrum shattering shrieks and growls. I couldn't shut them out. Frustrated in multiple ways, devastated that I just couldn't be a normal woman instead of the damaged shell I had been reduced to over the years, I felt tears burn my eyes. Carlisle's face crumpled, which just added guilt to my concoction of toxic emotions. When he started to pull away from me I clung desperately to his shoulders.

"No, please," I gasped. He stopped moving and stared down at me with sad, tormented eyes. I tried to shake the horrible thoughts aside. I was ruining this.

"It's all right, Bella. I should not have gotten so carried away," he said gently. His expression had softened. He stroked my hair away from my face while I shook my head.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I swear. It's just . . . I can't always help it. I promise, you didn't do anything," I tried to assure him. He didn't look convinced.

"Stay with me, please," I begged, suddenly terrified this would be all it took to make him want to leave. His eyes were pained again.

"Always, Bella. I will always be here. I could never leave you. I love you," he said with so much emotion that my dam broke. Tears cascaded down my heated cheeks as I started sobbing.

He cradled me to his chest, rolling us both on our sides and wrapping a blanket around us. I nuzzled against his neck and clung to him with my insufficient human strength. I cried for a long time. I cried for my childhood I never really had. I cried for all the times I tried to love someone only to have it fail miserably. I cried for my father, who – despite his awkwardness – did the very best for me that he knew how. And I cried for the losses I had witnessed, myself included. Somewhere along the lines I started to feel the pain dissipate. For the first time in my life, my tears had a cathartic effect. It was almost like I was purging all the painful and noxious emotions from my system. I was left feeling exhausted, but cleaner. There was so much I wanted to say to this man. In such a short time he had given me everything and he just kept on giving. I would never be able to repay him for any of it. But there was one thing I could do. One thing I could give, insignificant as it is. I turned my face upwards. Even with my eyes sore and swollen closed I could send his gaze upon me. I pressed a kiss to his lips before I whispered to him.

"I love you, too."

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**A/N: The next chapter is already written, it just needs editing. Reviews are love xx**


	12. I Will Show You Love

**A/N: Here's the next update, on time! A little more about Bella in this chapter. The song choice might seem odd, but I really feel that she has a close connection to Bella.**

**Chapter song is by Kendall Payne.**

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Rosalie's POV

As Jasper and I approached the house, Carlisle came barreling out the front door. I rolled my eyes when I saw the pitch of his, and the way his clothes were rumpled. Clearly, he and Bella had been rolling around that big bed of hers again. Unfortunately for both of them, it had ended the same way for the past few days. He would pull away from her before things became too heated, claiming the need for a hunt. She would then sulk and mope around the house feeling insecure and frustrated with their lack of sexual progress. He would come back a few hours later much calmer than when he left and they would disappear for a walk while he settled her fluctuating emotions.

If you asked me, it was all beyond ridiculous. The way he toyed with her was cruel, in my opinion. I knew what his reasons were – Edward had been kind enough to share those with me. He was worried he would push her too far, too fast. He thought he might actually hurt her if he got too carried away. Knowing her history, the first reason made sense. The second, however, was complete and utter bullshit. No one had better control than Carlisle. He was making them both miserable for no good reason. As he blew past us I called over my shoulder.

"Thirsty already, Carlisle? That's what, four times in the last two days? I didn't know you could relive your newborn years." He studiously ignored my taunting and took off through the woods.

"Easy, Rose. He's so frustrated right now he might take a snap at you." He glanced over his shoulder, his face thoughtful.

"This has to stop. She's only got a week or so left of her humanity. She shouldn't have to spend it constantly taking cold showers and feeling insufficient." I heard the sound of Bella's shower turn on and gestured toward the house as if to prove my point.

"I agree, but it's not our business," Jasper said meaningfully while he opened the door for me, ever the southern gentleman.

"Like hell it isn't," I disagreed curtly when I heard Bella's muffled groan of irritation echo off the tiled walls. "Did Alice say how long they'd all be out?"

He shrugged. "Should be back before Bella needs dinner. Esme is going to surprise her and make pasta. Emmett still wants to find a way to get her old truck here."

I smiled. That was my mountain man. He clearly adored Bella and wanted her to feel as included in this family as we had made him feel when he first joined us. She was such a closed book that we had to do a lot of our own digging in order to find out the simplest things about her. Usually Edward was able to provide us with everything we needed to know about a person, but with her immunity to his gift we had to be more creative. Carlisle disapproved, of course, as he felt like we were invading her privacy. Little did he know that Bella and I had already discussed it and she was far more comfortable with us finding things out on our own than having to tell us herself. I think it was easier for her that way. I knew what that was like, so I didn't feel like I was intruding when I found something less than pleasant.

I was pulled from my musings when Bella stomped down the stairs, her face set in determination. She flopped down on the loveseat opposite Jasper and I, arms folded over her chest. She looked us both up and down several times before Jasper's face split in a grin.

"Well, this should be interesting," he said, regarding Bella with an impressed look.

A wry smirk lit her face as she raked her hand through her wet, limp hair. Blowing out a huff of air, she stared out the window over my shoulder.

"Okay, I think I need your help," she said quietly.

I smiled. This was what I had been waiting for. Jasper sighed dramatically and threw his hands up in the air.

"Hallelujah!" he shouted, making Bella and I laugh. Grinning at her, he asked, "How can we be of assistance?" So much for 'none of our business'.

"I need to know what to do in order to get Carlisle to . . ." She trails off in search of the right word.

"Loose his shit?" Jasper helpfully offered. We snickered at Bella when she flushed brightly.

"Not exactly. I just want him to stop shying away from me all the time. I know I freaked out once, but I am really trying here. I can't be expected to make any progress if he keeps slamming on the breaks just when things get . . . get . . ." She struggles again.

"Hot?" I provide, arching my brow.

Her blush deepens, but she murmured, "Yeah."

"What do you mean, you freaked out before? What happened?" Jasper asked with all the sensitivity of a brillo pad. I roll my eyes at him, but to my surprise, Bella answers.

"On Christmas, we were alone upstairs after you all left. We both said some things, very wonderful, meaningful things to each other. I guess we just got carried away in the moment that followed. When I . . . felt the effect I was having on him, it kind of triggered all these bad images in my brain. I tried to push past it, but it wasn't possible." She dropped her head, looking ashamed of herself. I knew the feeling.

"That's to be expected," I told her softly. "Eventually, it will get easier to be with him and not have flashbacks."

"She's right, Bella. After what you have gone through, it's normal to experience symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. What you are describing can be overcome with time, patience, and some effort on your part," Jasper added kindly.

Bella sat back and eyed us both before sighing and rubbing her hands over her eyes. "So, what your both have degrees in psychology?"

I laughed and nodded. "Two PhD's and three Master's Degrees, all from varying universities. But Jasper is the only one who has actually practiced as a shrink."

She turned and scowled at him. "Of course you do. Really, Jasper, is that even fair? Your patients have no chance at all of hiding anything from you. That's cheating if you ask me."

He chuckled at her grumbling. "It actually worked out better for them. Less time avoiding the issue and more time working on ways to change their lives in order to achieve their goals. Plus, they didn't have to pay for extensive therapy. I can do in months what it takes others to achieve in years."

Bella doesn't look like she agrees with him, but changes the subject. "The point is I am feeling a little better now. I don't want what happened to ruin me and my time with Carlisle. I want to move past it and enjoy this while it lasts."

Her constant reference to her relationship being temporary grated on my nerves – how many times do the concept of mates need to be explained to her? Jasper sensed my irritation and sent me a dose of tranquility, which I gratefully accepted. I knew Bella had issues. She just needed something positive to focus on in order to work through them. I had done the same thing with Emmett.

"Well, the first thing you want to do is get him all worked up before he's even allowed to touch you." She looks at me with wide eyes as if to say how do I do that? "Innocent touches when other people are around tend to work best. Snuggle up to him with others around. Don't be afraid to be affectionate just because you are not alone."

"Just how far are you hoping to push him, Bella?" Jasper asked archly. When her cheeks flamed again I knew we had our answer. A devilish grin spread across his face. "Well, all right then. This is going to be easy."

"Why do you say that?" she asked. Clearly, she did not know that much about the art of seduction.

"Because if you just wanted to torment the man you would have to stop him at some point, which can be very difficult to do without bruising his ego. But since you clearly do not want him to stop anymore, the solution is very simple." I shrugged.

"You have to break him," Jasper finished with a leer.

Bella looked at us completely horrified. Jasper hooted with laughter at her expression and raised his hands up in defense.

"Now, hang on darlin', I don't mean for you to hurt him at all. What I meant was that you want to chip away at that stellar control he always utilizes. Once you've found the chink in his armor, the man will fall to his knees and beg you for it." He was right, of course. Women often thought that men had all the power in relationships. Clearly, women were ones who held the keys to the magic kingdom.

I could feel Bella's doubt even without Jasper's gift. "I don't know . . ."

"Trust us, Bella. He will be putty in your hands by the time you are through with him." And he would be. Even the mightiest man would fall if I trained his partner correctly.

"But he's a vampire," she whispered.

"Ah, you're worried he might hurt you during sex?" Jasper asked carefully.

Something shifted in Bella's expression as she turned to face the fire. "Not exactly, no."

That confused me. Human and vampire sex wasn't exactly unheard of, but there weren't many humans who had survived the experience. Bella would be foolish not to be even a little concerned. Not that Carlisle would ever slip in his control enough to really hurt her. He'd throw himself into a blazing inferno before that ever happened.

"Explain to me why you are so confident there," Jasper said, leaning towards her. Something had obviously caught his attention.

She looked at him briefly before staring into the fire again. After a minute she began talking. "I've only ever had one broken bone before. My boyfriend at the time, he was really big and super strong. More so than I thought was possible for someone our age. He lost his temper one time and belted me. It wasn't the hit that did it, though. We had been up on some cliffs near the ocean and I tumbled right off the ledge. I hit the rocks before landing in the water. Still, I only had a fractured wrist. I hadn't even bruised where he'd hit me."

It took all my years of control not to shred the couch I sat on while listening to her describe the incident. If I thought that was the worst of her tales, I had been sadly mistaken.

"My mom used to try and discipline me when I was young. I never remember it hurting, not really. She'd whack me with wooden spoons, the occasional belt, but nothing ever left a mark on me. She always said it was because she never hit me very hard. I believed her until she started drinking. She and Phil were mean drunks when I was around. He was worse than her. He would hit me as hard as he could once he realized that he wasn't doing any damage. The angrier he became, the more determined he was. Once he even took a bat to me when he found out I had crashed his Mustang." She stopped and smirked at that part. Jasper took the opportunity to step in.

"You never sustained any injury? Not even with the bat or car accident?" He was clearly as astonished as I am. Enough years of medical school taught me that what she is saying can't possibly have happened. It's a physical impossibility for her to have walked away from all those incidents completely unscathed.

"That wasn't the worst of it. I should have been crushed by a van when I first moved to Forks. I was between it and my truck when it spun out in the parking lot on some black ice." She shrugged like it's no big thing. I felt my jaw drop.

"You should have been killed!" Jasper exclaimed, eyes wide. Bella turned to him very slowly, her expression cold.

"There are lots of times I should have died from injuries I don't seem to be able to get. James figured that out pretty early on. It made him more creative. You see, your kind can hurt me, but not enough to actually kill me. At least, I don't think you can. I have no idea how hard they really tried since I knew they had orders to keep me alive," she informed us in a flat voice.

My mind whirled with implications stemming from her words. Who gave the nomads the orders? Were they working for someone else? The Volturi, perhaps? I was too disturbed by her troubled past to focus on that, so I tried to keep with the current conversation.

"You had a few bruises when you arrived here. Esme told us about them," I mentioned after I found my voice again.

"Yeah, that was after Victoria kicked me around the cellar. Once James and Laurent were finished with me, of course. She wasn't allowed her fun until after they had theirs." Her eyes were dark and faraway. It appeared as if she was looking right through me as she speaks. Her disposition chilled me.

"How is it possible?" Jasper whispered. He appeared to be concentrating very hard on something.

"Are you blocking him again?" I asked her.

She shook her head, and turned to stare right at him. After a minute or so he flinched like she's struck him.

"What is that? I've never felt anything like it before." I could hear the awe in his voice.

"I can't explain it," she said with more feeling in her voice this time. Gradually, she came back to herself and started to resemble the woman I had gotten to know. She shook her head a few times and looked down at her body with raised eyebrows.

"Huh," she muttered. "I've never been able to do that without being angry or afraid before. Good to know."

"What exactly are you doing?" I was so lost and neither of them were being forthcoming enough for my liking. Bella clearly noticed my frustration and gave me a sheepish smile.

"I get this sensation all over my skin when I think I might be in danger or when I'm really pissed off. Kind of like goose bumps, but more intense. It seems to be linked to my inability to get seriously hurt." She shrugged. What was it with her deranged sort of nonchalance?

"You . . . can block physical damage?" I was baffled by this. We all knew she possessed some sort of mental shield seeing as she could block Edward and even Jasper when she wanted to. But a physical shield as well? That was amazingly rare. No wonder the Volturi want her.

"You really are a remarkable creature, Bella Swan." I would swear that Jasper was in love, if I didn't already know how crazy he was about Alice.

"So that is why you aren't worried about Carlisle hurting you?" It was more a statement than a question, but she answered me anyway.

"I pretty much assume that if I can survive what they did to me, and the way they did it, nothing Carlisle would ever do could cause any damage." She shrugged and tried to be nonchalant about it all, but I knew how much it cost her to talk about this. I reached over and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Of course not. He would never do anything to harm you, Bella. Especially while being intimate with you." Carlisle was too wonderful of a man to ever brutalize a woman in such a way.

"You need to know that all male vampires are not violent like that when mating," Jasper said in a tense voice. "It's true that things can be very passionate, very heated between two mates, but the intent is never to harm. In fact, we seem to be hardwired to avoid hurting our mates at any cost, even if that means hurting ourselves in the process."

Bella looked up at him in shock as she processed all he was telling her. After a few minutes she nodded.

"What if he doesn't want . . . that?" Poor kid. She had no idea what kind of power she had over that man. I would change that. But first I had to make sure of something.

"Are you sure it's what you want, Bella?"

She bit her lip before smiling over at me shyly. "I know why you ask, and I thank you for it, but I really want to be the ruler of my own destiny."

I snickered. "Very nice philosophy, but you realize he'll wait as long as you need to and never even think of complaining, right?"

She didn't seem so sure, but nodded once. I decided to take the bull by the horns. No way was she going to fall on her back for anyone just because she might feel obligated, not even Carlisle. She deserved better than that.

"Why rush things?" I asked, hoping she would give me some insight into her sudden readiness for not only contact, but intimacy.

She colored a little and shrugged, but I wouldn't be deterred. When I arched an eyebrow at her she huffed out a sigh and grimaced. "I've never had a good experience, okay? I'd like one while I'm still human."

"Wait, never? As is never _ever_?" Jasper didn't seem to grasp what she was saying. I certainly did.

"All duds, huh?" I smirked at her when she frowned.

"Not sure if it was them or me. I was never really that into it. I liked being close to someone, but I never really got much out of it." She shrugged. With how often she did that I would have to have Carlisle check her for nervous ticks.

"Why keep doing it if you didn't enjoy it?" Jasper asked. Sometimes that boy was so dense I had to wonder if his skills went on the fritz.

"It was better than nothing," she reasoned. I didn't agree, but kept it to myself.

"So, you're hoping that Carlisle will break your dry spell?" I grinned wickedly at her. She blushed and avoided my eyes, but nodded eventually.

"I just can't figure out how to make him relax," she complained and gnawed on her lip again.

I giggled and shook my head. "Lesson one: men are never relaxed when there is an alluring woman around. Lesson two: you don't want him relaxed. You want him on edge."

"Won't that make him . . . dangerous to me?" Her hesitance was understandable. At least she was showing some sort of preservation.

"No," I said firmly. "Carlisle would never be able to hurt you. He's so attuned to you that he'd notice right away if something wasn't right or you were uncomfortable."

"I've noticed that," she murmured. I nodded when Jasper eyed her curiously.

"Are you sure you don't want to wait until you've been changed? No one would blame you, especially not your mate." She grimaced.

"Could you please not call him like that? It makes me feel like we're penguins or something," she grumbled. I smirked. At least she was comparing them to animals that mated for life, which was progress for her.

"Sure, darlin'," Jasper drawled with a smirk. "Mind answering the question, though?"

"I don't want to wait. Emmett and Rose have explained what being a newborn will entail. I highly doubt sex will be on my mind for a while." She seemed to struggle with the word 'sex', but managed to choke it out without gagging.

"He might prove to be difficult if you don't handle him correctly," I mused. Carlisle could be a stubborn man.

"Okay, so how do I rile him up then?" she asked, her cheeks coloring up again. I preferred her like this. The empty, cold shell she became when talking about her past was too haunting for me.

"Like we said before, touching is the key. Lots and lots of touching," Jasper said with a wink.

"Oh, and wear clothes that show skin, but leave enough to the imagination." Knowing when Carlisle was from, I understood how tantalizing seeing a woman's bare legs or stomach would be for him. Too much would make him uncomfortable, though.

"The best advice for you is simply to be yourself. Don't act different or try to be seductive. He'll see right through your act, and it may actually have the opposite effect on him. Just be natural. You're genuine innocence will drive him wild," Jasper provided with a wide grin.

"Hey! I'm twenty three, not twelve. I am not all that innocent, you know," she grumbled, but her smile broke through.

"Dare I ask how many lucky men there were before?" Jasper was better at girl talk than I was, so I let him roll with it.

"Not many," she relented and looked shyly down at her lap. "Only four. And none of them were very good."

"That's rather disappointing," I said with a smirk.

"Tell me about it," she said wryly.

"You won't have to worry about that with Carlisle," I assured her. She looked me up and down for a moment wearing an expression I couldn't identify. Jasper barked out a laugh and shook his head.

"She doesn't have personal experience, darlin'. Calm yourself down," he chortled. I pretended to be horrified. Carlisle is a stunning man, but no one ever held my interest like Emmett. Bella seemed somewhat placated, but still stared at me expectantly.

"He's a doctor, Bella. Detailed knowledge of human anatomy and physiology is a must for that profession." She smiled a little at that, but then frowned again and looked away. This time I didn't need any explanations.

"Bella, he's been around a long time. You don't really think he would have wandered this earth for nearly four hundred years and not slept with a woman at least once, do you?" I understood her momentary flare of jealousy, but quickly moved to quash it. "As far as I know, he's only ever had one night stands with anyone. Never any attempts at a real relationship. It was just scratching an itch."

She seemed happy enough with that answer and turned back to Jasper. "Here's the real problem. I'm not exactly confident in my sex appeal. What if he really doesn't want me that way?"

A wicked grin spread over Jasper's face. I knew what he was going to do before he even started, so I just sat back and watched it play out. Alice had been right; this girl only ever really learned anything by experience. Telling her stuff would just go in one ear and right out the other.

One second she was sitting there calm, cool, and collected. The next, her face flushed hotly, her limbs trembled, her heart raced, and her the heavy scent of her arousal permeated the room. I momentarily thought he might have overdone it when her back arched slightly and a whimper slipped between her lips before she bit down hard on the lower one. Then I remembered how frazzled Carlisle had looked when he blew past us earlier. I smirked at her when Jasper finally let up and she was left panting.

"Holy shit!" she gasped. "What the hell was that? I already had my cold shower today, damn it!"

"That was how Carlisle felt when he bolted out into the woods earlier this morning." Jasper chuckled at her shocked expression. "You think you are the only one who's frustrated, Bella? It's been years since he's found any release at all. The last time was the turn of the century at a Millennium party. Trust me, that man wants you just as badly as you want him."

"Then why does he run away all the time?" she shrieked and pounded her fists on her thighs. I snickered at her little tantrum and shook my head.

"Darlin', you can't really be that clueless," Jasper drawled. When she didn't answer him, he sighed. "He loves you, Bella. He would never do anything to hurt you in any way, and he doesn't want to pressure you. He is willing to wait until he is sure you won't regret being with him, or won't be terrified during."

"He really would do anything for me," she murmured in disbelief as she sinks back in her seat.

"Anything," I agreed seriously and then smiled. "That includes having his dirty way with you."

Bella blushed and bit her lip again. "All right," she relented after a minute. "What do I do to break him?"

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**A/N: Seeing Bella any clearer? Reviews are lovely and make the morning sickness more tolerable. Well, not really. But they do make me smile :-)**


	13. Demons

**A/N: Okay, so here's the latest installment. Now brace yourselves. Since it's Christmas in two days, I may not be able to update on schedule. As I am going away for a week on the 27th, I do endeavor to update before then, since I won't be able to for the entire week I am gone. I know, sadness, but I am sure we will all survive. **

**While the chapter song is by Imagine Dragons, there are added songs for you this chapter. Look below and play these when Bella turns on her I pod. Then listen to Demons. That's how I wrote it ;-) Enjoy!**

**Bella's playlist:**

**The Mighty Fall – Fall Out Boy**

**E.T. – Katy Perry**

**Kiss Me – Ed Sheeran**

* * *

Carlisle's POV

I waited until I heard her breathing slow and her heart beat in a subdued rhythm before venturing outside. I never left her side unless I was sure she was sound asleep. Even then I was prone to checking up on her several times in the night. She did not know this, of course. Despite the progress we had made in our relationship, I did not want her feeling smothered by my attentions. With this woman, we seemed to move two steps forward and one step back. It was a constant dance, intricate and often confusing. I had made a misstep here and there, but she always kept me coming back for more.

I sighed and stepped out into the snow. The stars shone brightly up in the heavens, the moon circled in shades of blue as it glowed. I often found solace looking up at the night sky, but not tonight. I was too conflicted, too anxious. I had not been so unsettled in all my years on this earth, human or vampire. I knew my distress affected the others, so I was unsurprised when I felt her presence approaching me.

"You'll find no answers in the stars, Carlisle," Alice said lightly. "Women are an enigma that no one and nothing can explain sufficiently, no matter how hard people try."

"I am not seeking answers, merely peace," I whispered, closing my eyes.

"You know there is nothing you can do to ease her transition. You tried with Emmett, remember?" She placed a hand on my arm. I turned and saw sympathy in here wide eyes.

"I know that, Alice, but there has to be something I haven't thought of. Maybe if we try a higher dose or morphine," I mused aloud, but she was shaking her head.

"It won't make a difference. We've all done it, Carlisle. She'll be fine, I swear it, but you can't try anything radical. Whenever you plan something else I get flashes of her in agony, but unable to move or think around the burn. Please, please trust me on this. Just let her be. We'll all be there with her, with you. She won't be alone. She'll wake up surrounded by her family." Her tone was gentle, but I did not feel comfort.

"I do not think I can cause her pain," I uttered so lowly I was uncertain she would hear, even with our enhanced senses. She did, though.

"I have seen that you are the only one capable of changing her with the least trauma possible. She won't trust anyone else enough to even let them try. Not even Rosalie, despite her previous plans on the matter. It has to be you, Carlisle. You're her mate."

I sighed. I knew what she was saying made the most sense. I knew what my responsibilities were. I just dreaded being the one to put her through that kind of agony. I would gladly burn in her place to spare her.

Alice smiled suddenly. "You need to make the most of this time together before her change. There's only a few days left. I've seen that she'll want it done January third."

"Is there anything that she wants to have or experience before her change? Can you see something, Alice?" I may not be able to spare her the burn, but I would give her everything she wanted before enduring such suffering.

"I see many things, Carlisle. Not least of which is how annoyed Bella would be with me if I gave away her desires before she had the chance to share them with you herself." She winked at me. I smiled a little.

"Is there anything you can tell me?" I knew better than to try and force information out of her. It never worked and only served to aggravate her.

"Only that you should follow your instincts." She blinked innocently. Too innocently, if you asked me. I was about to ask her what she meant by that when Jasper approached.

"Bella will be up soon and so will the sun. Why don't you go for a quick hunt?" he suggested. I shook my head.

"I do not need one. I've hunted more in the last week than in the previous two months. I will be fine for a few more days," I told him.

I would not admit it, but Rosalie's comments had gotten to me. I felt weak for my constant flights to the woods whenever situations with Bella became too intense. But I could not think of anything else to do. I would not push her boundaries again. I had frightened her too much already with my barbaric display on Christmas. Her cries had broken my still heart, and had it been possible I would have shed tears with her.

Jasper seemed to size me up for a moment, but then just shrugged. He extended his hand to Alice which she took with a wide smile. "We'll be back tonight. Don't wait up."

After they were gone I remained for a while. I walked the perimeter of the house listening to Bella's heartbeat. It was like a beacon that kept calling to me. I resisted it by sheer will, knowing that she would not appreciate it if I sat in her room and watched her sleep like some kind of teenage peeping tom. On my fourth circulation, I saw Esme and Emmett clearing the snow behind the Jeep. I ventured over to investigate.

"We're going to head into Fairbanks for the day. I've got some shopping to do to prepare for a newborn. Alice told me what furniture will need replacing, so I want to order it now. Oh, Rose, Garrett, Maggie and Edward are headed to Denali. They want to give them an update, and see if they would mind coming here for a time after Bella's change. The more hands the better, in my opinion." She was rambling. She only did that when she was trying to hide something.

"Everyone is going somewhere today. Is there something going on that I need to know about?" I kept my voice light, but there was no mistaking the suspicion laced in my tone. She ducked her head guiltily, but before she could crack under my scrutiny Emmett came to her rescue.

"We're just giving you some time with your lady, oldness. Say thank you and appreciate the effort," he said with a grin, slapping me on the shoulder.

"I do not believe that is necessary," I tried to tell him, knowing that what he was alluding to was not a possibility between Bella and myself, but he just laughed and shook his head.

"Pixie's orders and I don't ever go against her. Rose would have my balls for earrings if I even tried."

I frowned at his colorful description, shaking my head. He could be very crass at times. I tried to focus on the situation at hand instead of scolding him like the overgrown child he often acted like.

"I do not know how comfortable Bella will be if she knows we are the only ones here for an entire day." I was worried she would see it as some sort of ploy and that would only serve to make her more skittish around me.

Edward snorted and shook his head as he ventured out of the house with Maggie and Garrett. They were grinning like Cheshire cats at me. I tried to ignore them all, but Edward would never allow that to happen.

"She isn't the one who's been running away anytime things get in-" he stared to say when I cut him off with a growl.

"Edward!"

"-teresting," he finished with a crooked grin. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. He would be the death of me, I just knew it.

"Don't be so dramatic," he chuckled before leaning down to kiss his mate. I envied him slightly in the way he could be so unbridled in his affections with her. I longed for that, but knew it would be some time before it would happen. He smiled at me after withdrawing from Maggie's embrace.

"It won't be nearly as long as you're thinking. Remember what Alice told you and you'll be fine while we're gone. Just try not to overthink everything. Bella knows what she can handle. Trust her," he told me before loping over to hug me. I smiled into his shoulder before releasing him and watching them all take off for their destinations.

The sun had just begun to crest over the mountains when I returned indoors and began building a fire for when Bella arose. She tended to be an early riser these days. She said it was because she actually looked forward to her days now instead of dreading them. It was such a vast difference to when she had first arrive with us that I oftentimes found myself still treating her like the fragile creature that still feared us. After the blaze was going I sat on the loveseat and opened my first edition copy of Return of the King, losing myself in Tolkien's realm for a time. It was well after sunrise when I heard Bella stir upstairs in her room. I tried to tune out her morning routine and give her some privacy, instead focusing on Bilbo's battle with a giant arachnid. It wasn't until I heard her mutter to herself that I began paying attention again.

"Show time," she whispered. "Break a leg, Swan."

Confused as to what she was talking about, I listened more closely. There was the sound of fabric rustling and her light footsteps before muted music could be heard. The deep beat of a modern act played as her door opened. I pretended to be interested in my book as she descended and danced her way into the kitchen, singing along with the rap-like lyrics. I may have gasped a little when I saw that she was still only clad in her sleepwear, if one could call it that. She wore a blush pink top and bottom set that – while it covered everything essential to be considered garments – showed excess amounts of her creamy skin. I got a whiff of silk along with her floral scent as she twirled gracefully past me and was rewarded with a rather ample eyeful of her slender legs. Her shorts barely came two inches down her thighs, while the thin straps of her tops showed off her elegant shoulders and neck. An I-pod was attached to her hip, music blaring from the ear buds, the wires lost in her thick mahogany locks.

_How the mighty fall . . . how the mighty fall . . . how the mighty fall in love._

The lyrics seemed to be taunting me almost as much as the primal beat that seemed to echo through my body in time with the music. It took every bit of my discipline to stay seated and not stalk her into the kitchen. Once she was out of my view I thought it would be easier to ignore her siren call. It was not. In fact, it became more and more difficult for me to remain where I was. The raunchy words did nothing to help my resolve. I was halfway to the kitchen before it even registered that I had moved. Silently, I crept up to the doorway and tried to stay hidden in the shadows while I watched her sashay in time with the beat. The way her full lips mouthed the words would have made my heart race if such a thing were possible. It became very clear that this woman would be the death of me, but oh, what a way to meet my demise.

I felt like a voyeur, the way I stood silently watching her while her body moved sensuously around. When the song changed her lips quirked into a tiny smile. I was mesmerized by the vision before me as she expertly shook her hips and shoulders, cheeks flushed, breathlessly murmuring the words.

_They say be afraid . . . You're not like the others, futuristic lover . . . Different DNA . . . They don't understand you . . ._

The song went on and on as if to describe all the differences between us, but also how the conveyor of the words wanted this anyway. I could feel myself starting to slip. She was so very tempting singing and swaying in such a provocative way. Surely she could not know the affect she was having on me. I could barely explain the way my breath came out in pants and my whole body seemed to tingle with anticipation. I noticed that I had started to lean towards her subconsciously when I detected the scent of her arousal on the air.

The realization that I had almost begun to stalk towards her like she way my prey startled me so much that I shook myself. The movement must have been enough to alert her to my presence, because her eyes suddenly popped open. Wide deep brown orbs seemed to beckon me out from the shadows and I felt feet moving towards her as if of their own volition. Her movements did not cease as I approached her. I felt her swaying slow as the song switched again, but I was no longer paying much attention to the serenade coming from her earphones. I was too focused on her. However, she seemed more than capable of handling me and murmuring along with her music.

"_This feels like falling in love,"_ her sweet voice sang quietly as she ran her hands up my chest so slowly that it seemed to take hours before they were wrapped around my shoulders.

"_Kiss me like you want to be loved,"_ she sang again.

It was all the invitation I needed. As gently as I could manage in my state, I reached up and grasped the dangling wires over her chest, yanking them hard enough to remove the device from her ears. I cast the I-pod carelessly onto the counter beside us, all the while not taking my eyes off of hers. Her heart began to race in her chest, cheeks flushed, lips parted in a sweet sigh. The weight of my desire for her seemed to crush me from every angle, pressing me closer to her. I reached out and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her against me tightly before attacking her lips with my own. She gasped into my mouth, her hot breath filling me with the most delicious fire. And then, God help me, she moaned. I lost all my senses at that passionate sound coming from her heavenly mouth.

Without thinking, I suddenly had her pressed up against the wall while my tongue greedily sought hers. My needy hands began to inch up her sides, caressing her roughly through the thin garments that barely survived my assault. The heat from her skin seared through the fabric and burned my hands, but I could only grasp her tighter. I had every inch of my body shamelessly pressed up against her soft curves, reveling in the way she was responding to me. When I could feel her struggling for breath, I pulled away only to trail kisses down her jaw and neck, licking and sucking a path to her bare shoulder. She shivered against me, but I would not relent. I could not even if wanted to. I needed her like she needed air to survive. I knew if I stopped it would be the end of me. It was not logical, but that did not lessen my certainty.

Her hot lips found my neck as they trailed fiery kisses up and down as her hands fisted tightly in my hair. I knew she must be using a fair amount of her human strength, but it felt like a gentle caress to my skin. I was able to contain my groans of pleasure until she trailed her tongue along my neck . . . and then bit down hard. Shots of pure pleasure raced through my body, igniting it like a live wire. I threw my head back and growled, thrusting my hips up against her soft lower belly. I was only moments away from shredding our clothes and claiming her right here and now, but a small whimper broke through the haze of lust enough for me to find some semblance of reason. My eyes found hers hooded with desire, and I nearly resumed mauling her like some sort of heathen, but the swelling of her lips and disheveled appearance quickly brought me back to my senses.

Horrified that I had manhandled her in such a way, I made to pull out of her embrace. Before I could move more than an inch her lusty expression morphed into one of confusion, then of panic. Her hands gripped my shoulders tightly and I felt her pulling me towards her again.

"No," she uttered in a throaty voice that did nothing to dampen my want for her. She shook her head. "Don't do this. Not again."

I stared down at her in shock. Did I not just throw her up against a wall and attack her like some sort of sex-crazed demon? Had I injured her in some way to result in brain trauma? She could not possibly –

"I can see you overthinking this, Carlisle. Stop it," she whispered fiercely. Her expression and voice softened. "Stop hiding from me. I don't know how many times I need to tell you that I'm not afraid of you."

I did not know how to respond to her, so I simply nodded. She did not look appeased, so I tried to explain my hesitance.

"I should not have lost control like that. It was not becoming," I started to say when her laughter stopped me. Confusion must have been clear on my face because she began explaining herself.

"It was very becoming," she said with a devilish smile that made my breath quicken again. "You always try to be so controlled around me. I want you to be yourself. To be free."

She leaned up and began kissing my neck as her hands slid down my chest towards my stomach. I was still trying to make sense of her words when I felt the warmth of her fingers slide under my shirt and graze the icy skin of my chest lightly. I hissed, closing my eyes tightly when she left a searing trail of heat back down over my stomach and stopped at the top of my jeans. Her whimper made me groan loudly and I rested my forehead against hers while I tried to collect my wits and stay in control.

"I love the feel of you," she whispered.

"Bella," I moaned and shook my head. This was madness. We had to stop this before she got hurt or did something she would regret. I do not think I could bear if either happened at my hands.

"Stop fighting," she murmured and began pulling the fabric of my shirt up. I didn't even think, I just raised my arms and let her remove the garment. When she began placing kisses on my chest I had to fist my hands against the wall to keep myself from doing something I would be ashamed of later. But Bella was having none of that. She reached up and took my fists in her hands, gently coaxing my palms open before placing them under her night shirt against the bare skin of her stomach.

"God help me," I muttered, but I knew I was beyond help now. I was practically panting as I caressed her back and stomach, enjoying the smooth warmth of her silky skin against my stone hands. She hummed appreciatively and resumed kissing my neck and chest while her nails raked over the skin of my back. I shuddered when the scent of her arousal wafted around us in a thick cloud.

"Touch me," she pleaded before kissing me deeply. Lost in the sweet taste of her mouth, I let my fingertips glide up her stomach. I stopped when I reached the swell of her breast, but Bella shifted towards me in such a way that my hands slipped further up. Her warm flesh filled my palms, peaks stiffened against my icy skin. She moaned into my mouth when I squeezed her ever so slightly and began flicking my thumbs across her nipples. Breaking away to gasp for breath, she continued to kiss and nip her way along my neck and down my chest.

"You asked me if there was anything I wanted before you turned me, Carlisle," she said against my skin.

Nodding, I gasped when her teeth grazed my nipple. "Anything. I'll give you anything."

She pulled back and looked me right in the eye. There was no hesitation, so uncertainty. Only pure love, want, and desire that stared straight back at me from within their chocolate depths.

"I want you."

I swung her up into my arms and ran upstairs.

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**A/N: Evil cliffie! If you want me to update before I go away, you know what to do! Merry Christmas all!**


	14. Stay

**A/N: Okay, I know it's been over a week. Really though, this was an important chapter and I wanted to get it right. Besides the holidays, do you have any idea how hard it is to get into the kind of mood I needed for an intimate scene like this when I constantly feel like throwing up? So blame the delay on the morning sickness. As it is, I had to write this in sections and it took me all day. But here it is, hot off the press. Enjoy!**

**Song is by Rhianna featuring Mikky Ekko.**

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Bella's POV

It had all worked so much more quickly than I had anticipated. I had been prepared to chip away at his resolve for hours, days even. It turned out that I either had more sex appeal than I had ever considered possible, or he didn't have the iron clad self-control I had been made to believe he possessed. Personally, I believed the latter. The first didn't make an ounce of sense to me. And yet there we were in my room. He had me pressed against the mattress as he devoured my mouth. My hands couldn't decide if they wanted to roam his perfectly chiseled body, or tangle in his golden locks. When he brushed his thumbs over my nipples it sent a jolt through my whole body, resulting in a rather firm tug on his scalp. He pulled his mouth away from mine and hissed. My eyes flew open as the dark memories began to surface.

_Cold hisses in the dark. The smell of blood. The feel of icy hands holding me down._

I began to shake my head slightly before I remembered Jaspers advice.

_"You can master these memories, Bella. If at any point you feel yourself getting lost in them, take a second to ground yourself. Open your eyes and look around you. Use your senses to help your mind understand that you aren't there anymore, that you are safe with Carlisle. Pay attention to what you see, hear, smell, taste and feel. You can do it, Bella."_

With Jasper's calm voice ringing in my ears I took a deep breath and tried to stop myself from shaking. I could do this. My eyes wandered until they locked with Carlisle's. He had ceased all movement sometime during my lapse. He stared at me with concern etched in his ochre eyes. He began to pull back a little when I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Wait please," I whispered. "I'm all right, I promise. I just need a moment."

"Bella, there's no rush –" he started to argue when I leaned up and silenced him with my lips. While he allowed me to kiss him, he certainly kept it chaste. I tried not to let it discourage me. I kissed him repeatedly until he finally started to respond to me again. Even then I could tell that his control was firmly in place. I wanted to remedy that, and quickly.

I wrapped my leg around his waist, pressing my hips against his while I ran my hands over his bare shoulders and back. I could feel that he was still aroused, so I knew all was not lost. I lowered my hands to the waistband of his jeans and followed it around to the front, tucking my fingers under the fabric along the way. When I popped the button I felt him freeze above me, but before I had a chance to wonder what I had done wrong his breathing sped up and he began kissing along my neck and chest with renewed vigor. Encouraged by his reaction, I reached down and unzipped his pants. When I reached inside I was surprised to find no more fabric barriers.

"Bella," he moaned against my skin, his cool breath leaving gooseflesh in its wake.

I kissed a trail from his jaw down his neck as my hand dipped into his open jeans. Hesitantly, I wrapped my hand around his tumescent member and stroked down. He released a shuddered breath against the top of my breast before I heard the ripping of fabric and felt his cold skin pressed against mine. After he moved away the shreds of my top, his hands roamed my chest and stomach, making me tremble under his touch. When he palmed both breasts at once I gave him a firm squeeze, stroking him harder. He moaned loudly before capturing a nipple between his lips.

"Oh!" I cried out and arched against his mouth. His tongue was magic against my sensitive peak. I tried to focus on my touches, but my mind seemed to go into overdrive when I felt his fingers dance along the edge of my shorts. When they brushed over my covered sex I practically hyperventilated. My whole body began to tingle with anticipation, and suddenly I didn't want to wait anymore. I reached with both hands and began to tug his jeans down around his hips.

"Allow me," he murmured in a rough voice. Before I could register the movement, his pants were gone, as were my own remaining clothes.

He hovered over me, propped up on his arms with one leg nestled between mine. His eyes burned like hot coals as they swept over my bare body with obvious desire. I'd had sex before, but there was never any intimacy in the moment. It was always just awkward groping for a few minutes before the very short lived main event. Even those guys who could last a while didn't ever satisfy me. I thought it was because there was something wrong with me. Now, as I lay with Carlisle and could feel the passion he held for me, I began to rethink my previous theory.

He leaned down and kissed me hotly, making my toes curl. I moaned wantonly while his hands glided along my heated skin. I reached up and tried to pull him closer, but he merely smiled against my lips, not budging.

"Patience, Bella Mia," he whispered against my ear. I shivered as he licked along my neck.

I tried to keep my mind in the present when I felt him slide his hand between my thighs. I mentally prepared myself for the rather unsatisfying – and sometime painful – penetration of fingers I was accustomed to during foreplay. I should have known better. Carlisle hadn't been anything like the other men I'd been with so far; I don't know why I thought that was going to change. Still, my eyes flew open in surprise when I felt his fingers slide gently against my clit in lazy patterns.

My jaw dropped open and I moaned loudly while my hips began to move in time with his hand. I reached out and grabbed onto his arm, not to stop him, but to have something to hold onto while I felt my body overheat and spiral out of control. My cries became sharper and closer together with each flick of his fingers. I nearly screamed when I felt them slip down and push into my entrance, his thumb taking their place with firm strokes. My eyes rolled back in my head. I blindly reached my other hand up and roughly tugged on his hair, bringing his mouth to mine. He kissed me deeply while working my body expertly with his fingers. It felt like only a matter of seconds before something deep within me began to build towards release. I tried to keep kissing him, but was so overcome with the pleasure he brought me I threw my head back, shouting as I rode out the shockwaves he sent crashing over me. When he finally ceased his ministrations I was a whimpering and shaking mess. My eyes focused after a moment and I saw his intense black orbs boring into mine.

"Wow," I choked out. His eyes shone while he smirked slightly.

Despite my earthshattering orgasm only seconds ago, I found myself craving him. I leaned up and kissed him passionately, tracing my tongue along his lips until his parted them for me. It didn't take long before he had me panting again. Our bodies were pressed so closely together I could feel every inch of him against me. I pulled my leg up and wrapped it around his hip, opening myself up more to him. The movement caused his manhood to slip right against my wet center. A low growl vibrated his chest before he stopped moving. Desperate for the friction he was denying me, I ground myself shamelessly against his length.

"Bella," he said hoarsely.

I moaned wordlessly while I gyrated against him again and again. It felt so damn good; I could feel ecstasy build within me again. I scratched my nails down his back as hard as I could before leaning up and biting his neck.

"Shit!" he hissed suddenly and threw his head back. I could see the strain on his stunning face, but instead of being afraid or baking off, it only spurred me on. I ground against him again while I nipped down his neck. I shifted beneath him and wrapped my other leg around his waist, opening myself fully to him. The next time his hips bucked into mine the tip of his shift met my entrance. He paused briefly to lock eyes with me. I took a moment to ready myself before I nodded.

The way he moved was once again unexpected. Instead of thrusting all the way into me like I was prepared for, he slowly eased into my body with the utmost care. It felt far less invasive than I had anticipated. In fact, it felt utterly amazing. Like something had been missing up until that moment, and now I was complete. I sighed and arched up into him slightly when he stopped moving. His thrusts were gentle, precise. I had never felt anything like it. We moved in tandem for a time, breaths mingling, soft moans and caresses. But as wonderful as it was, I needed more. I could feel my climax building, but it remained out of reach.

"More," I whispered breathlessly. Carlisle's face creased slightly in concern.

"I do not want to hurt you," he murmured, but I could see the desire to do as I requested. I shook my head.

"You won't. Please, Carlisle," I panted between words. He thrust slightly harder, making me moan louder than before. I reached down and grabbed his hips, pulling against them as if I could make him move the way I wanted. The way I knew we both needed. Concentrating with eyes closed, I felt my body tingle all over like a small electric current had passed through me. I knew now I was completely safe. He could do whatever he needed and I would make it.

"Harder," I plead. Only giving me a little of what I asked for I groaned and tried to meet his thrusts with my own. It wasn't enough.

"Harder," I cried out and tried to tug his hips into compliance.

"Bella," he panted and shook his head. "No."

"Please," I begged. "Oh, God, please!" I clawed at his lower back.

His eyes slipped closed as he groaned loudly, but he finally did what I had asked. His firm, icy flesh slapped against my heated skin. I threw my head back and cried out wordlessly as my climax finally overtook me. Seeing only stars, I was reduced to a boneless heap as he continued to find his pleasure in my body. It wasn't long after my own orgasm that I felt Carlisle tense above me before he shuddered, moaning softly in my ear.

I tried not to be too disappointed in myself, but it was difficult. He had gone and literally rocked my world with what seemed like very little effort, but his own satisfaction appeared to be lacking when compared to mine. Still, he was magnificent in his ecstasy. We lay together for a while, our breathing slowed to a gentle tempo. It wasn't until the temperature difference between us finally caught up with me and made me shiver uncontrollably did he make to move away from me.

"No," I whimpered and pouted when he moved across the bed. He chuckled at my pitiful display. His hands gently caressed up my legs, over my hips, and followed the curve of my waist to my shoulders. I noticed how intently his eyes seemed upon my exposed skin.

"I'm fine, Carlisle," I said softly. His eyes, lightened from their previous ebony to a deep gold, met mine almost shyly.

"I just had to be certain," he murmured. I sighed contentedly and smiled a little. His care for me seemed to know no bounds. It was very new for me. I stretched my limbs and suddenly became very aware of the stickiness between my thighs. Blushing, I curled in on myself a little in an attempt to hide my discomfort.

"Is something wrong?" His hawk-like eyes missed nothing. I shook my head.

"No, I just need to get cleaned up," I assured him and looked longingly over my shoulder towards the bathroom.

"Of course, how foolish of me," he chided himself with a shake of his head. He smiled widely and extended a hand towards me. "Allow me to be of some assistance, seeing as I am the cause of your current predicament."

I couldn't help it. I snickered while I took his hand. His expression was puzzled until I enlightened him.

"Couldn't you just say 'let's hop in the shower'?" I teased. He chuckled and ran his free hand through his hair, slightly abashed.

"I supposed I should consider using a more modern vernacular," he replied ruefully. I rose from the bed and placed a hand against his chest.

"No," I said firmly. "I love the way you speak, really. I just like to pick on you from time to time."

He stared at me before smiling and stroking my cheek. He led me into the opulent bathroom and stopped in front of the massive shower I had come to enjoy over the previous months.

"Make it whatever temperature you like," he instructed.

I stepped in and turned it on as hot as I could stand, hoping the water would heat his stone skin a little. The shower was easily big enough to accommodate us both – plus Emmett – and still allowed room to maneuver. Both shower heads were blasting away and before long the entire room was bathed in steam. I stepped under the spray and allowed the warmth to soothe my muscles and wash away the evidence of our last encounter. Closing my eyes, I dropped my head back and let the water cascade through my hair and over my shoulders for a few minutes. When I lifted my head again I gasped slightly after wiping a few droplets from my lashes.

Carlisle stood across from me, leaning casually against the shower wall with his eyes trained on my face. Rivulets of water blazed trails over his perfect body, following the lines and creases of his lean muscled chest and stomach. He was absolutely stunning. My hands were stroking his chest and arms before I even remembered moving towards him.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered. I heard his breath hitch when I leaned forward to press my lips against where I knew his heart lay silently in his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist as I stretched on my toes and kissed up his chest, shoulder and neck until finally capturing his lips hungrily with mine.

He spun us around and I found myself pressed against the tiles by his firm body, blessedly warmed by the water. He moaned into my open mouth when I reached down and began stroking him without any hesitation this time. His hands roughly explored my breasts, pinching my nipples expertly and causing me to cry out loudly. The sounds echoed off the walls and seemed to vibrate through me, exciting me further. I attacked him with my hands and mouth, kissing and nipping at his skin while I pumped his manhood as hard as I could. His moans became louder, deeper as my efforts increased. I wanted to make him feel good. No, I wanted to blow his mind.

"Bella," he moaned, "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He reached down and began stroking my sex in time with my strokes. When he kissed down my body and took a nipple into his icy mouth I nearly came undone. I cried out and bucked against his hand, but before he could slip his fingers into me I reached down and stopped him.

"No," I moaned, and shook my head.

"I'm sorry. Are you too sore? Should I…" he trailed off and I felt him pull back a little. I desperately clung to his neck with one hand and stroked him faster with the other.

"No," I said again. He didn't get it. "Don't stop."

I kissed him again, biting his lower lip harshly. A low growl rumbled around me, kicking up my arousal to an almost unbearable degree. He panted against my mouth and groaned loudly when I swiped my thumb over his swollen glans. His fingers began their skillful dance in my folds again and I moaned his name. If he kept it up, he would have me screaming in no time. But I wanted to focus on him this time. So I did the only thing I could think of. I dropped to my knees and before he could utter a single protest, took his head between my lips, sucking hard. I barely had time to swipe my tongue around him once before he growled so loudly I thought I felt the glass walls vibrate.

Suddenly, I was up off the floor with my back up against the tiled wall again, this time with my legs wrapped around his waist. I had just gotten my bearings when I felt him thrust deep inside me with no warning at all. I cried out from the pleasure of it and clutched onto his shoulders as he drove into me over and over. He kissed me roughly, dominating my mouth. I clung to him desperately, tugging on his hair when I felt my orgasm build. I bit down on his shoulder to keep from screaming, but the sound ripped from me anyway as he growled ferociously into my neck. I came hard, but my shudders of ecstasy were mixed with fear, making it that much stronger.

Flashes of images appeared behind my eyelids. Where I was had begun to blend with the past. Cold walls and hard bodies seemed to be one of the same. Growls of passion had become those of fury and dominance. Before I could begin to fight him off, some kind of reason took hold of my mind. I forced my eyes open and tried to see what was around me.

Steam surrounded us, but our faces were so close there was no mistaking his features. His eyes were squeezed shut, his jaw was clenched tight, but there was such pure passion on his face I could never think it to be anything more malicious. His golden hair was soaked, slightly darker, but still his. And his powerful thrusts brought me no discomfort, only pleasure as I allowed myself to feel again. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead to his, tangling my hand in the hair at the nape of his neck. It seemed that my lapse had been so momentary this time that he hadn't even noticed. I was relieved. He was finally letting his guard down again and I loved it.

He moved in me at just the right angle and I felt my insides quiver as I cried out. That only seemed to drive him on, as he increased his pace. I wrapped my body around his and clung to him, his grunts and groans getting louder and more frequent. He was so unbidden with me that I finally felt I could do something I never had before; I simply let go. I moved however my body wanted as indistinguishable sounds fell from my open lips. I shut my eyes and just let myself feel everything. It was incredible. I had never been this free with anyone else before; never trusted myself or them with that kind of vulnerability. But here with Carlisle I knew there would be no judgment. No scrutiny. No demands. I could simply enjoy him as he enjoyed me. That knowledge created a deeper thrill in me than I had ever felt before. And the building of my third orgasm that turned my moans into shouted cries.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!" I repeated as his hips pounded into mine rapidly. Head thrown back, stars bursting behind my eyes, I cried out over and over until I was hoarse.

When I was rendered practically dumb I nearly came again when Carlisle pressed himself deeply into my throbbing center and cried out wordlessly into the curve of my neck. His body trembled around mine as he twitched within me. I didn't even think about it, I just reached out and began stroking his hair and neck while I made quiet hushing sounds into his ear and peppered his skin with soft kisses. We stayed that way for a while. Thankfully, the hot water remained on to keep the chill of his skin at bay and allowed me to give him the comfort he obviously needed. I kissed from his temple to his jaw, making the circuit several times while I caressed his neck and shoulders. Though most of my weight rested against his hips where he had me pressed against the wall, my legs began to shake with the effort to remain attached to him.

"Carlisle," I finally whispered, breaking the silence. It seemed enough to snap him out of whatever trance he was in. He slowly lowered me to the floor, but my legs no longer had the strength to keep me upright. Before I could collapse in a heap, he scooped me up in his arms, somehow managing to wrap us both in towels, and carried me out to the bed.

It took me a minute to realize he was avoiding my eyes. Slightly alarmed by that, I reached up and took his face between my hands. As he lay me down on the rumpled sheets, he allowed me to turn his face to meet mine. His gold eyes were soft, but guarded. I stroked his cheekbones with my thumbs.

"Are you okay?" I asked, suddenly very concerned about the man still holding me.

"Are you?" he countered in a soft voice. I blinked a few times before nodding.

"Of course." I shrugged. He frowned, seemingly displeased by my response.

"Please do not feel you need to placate me," he said with an edge to his voice I had not heard before. Rather than scare me, it annoyed me a little. I grimaced.

"When did I ever give you the impression that's the kind of thing I would do? If you'd hurt me, Carlisle, you would damn well know about it."

His expression became surprised for a moment before it settled on bemused. He nodded once in acquiescence.

"This is true," he agreed. He reached down and brought my hand to his lips. "Forgive me for my boorishness. I should not have treated you so. I fear I lost control of myself for a while."

Boorishness? Really? I tried not to smile, but failed miserably. "Did you hear me complain?"

Abashed, he avoided my eyes again. "Well, no," he admitted.

"Feel free to be a boor anytime." I suggestively wagged my eyebrows. "But not an insufferable one. They are positively dreadful."

He huffed out a small laugh, but still avoided my gaze.

"Look at me, Carlisle," I requested gently. His amber eyes met mine slowly, but when they did I could see the love that shone brightly within their depths. He seemed so young in that moment, his face so open and boyish I nearly forgot just how old he really was.

"I'll admit there were a few moments where I struggled to stay in the now, but honestly, it was amazing." I tried to make him believe me, but could plainly see his doubt.

"I felt your fear before, Bella," he admitted to me.

"I know you did. You tried to stop, but I wouldn't let you," I reminded him. He shook his head.

"The first time yes, but not when we were in the shower. Not when we . . . when I . . ."

I suddenly understood. It turned out my mini meltdown hadn't gone as unnoticed as I had previously thought. I sighed and scooted closer to him.

"Were you trying to scare me?"

"Of course not," he whispered harshly. "But that does not change the fact that I clearly did."

"You're wrong," I countered.

"Bella, I could smell your fear. I felt you tense up. Please, do not lie to me," he growled.

"I'm not," I replied softly. "I was momentarily afraid, but not because of you. In fact, it was when I focused on you that I was able to come back to the moment and lose myself in ways I never have before."

"Bella," he sighed and shook his head.

"Have I ever lied to you before?" I asked simply. He turned at looked at me calmly.

"No, I do not believe you have," he responded evenly.

"Then why would I start now?" I challenged quietly and squeezed his hand.

He tucked a lock of damp hair behind my ear and brushed his knuckles over my cheek. We stayed that way a while, simply looking at each other while occasionally kissing or caressing hands and faces. When I started to feel my eyelids get heavy I pulled the towel off my body and lay naked with him. I lay my head on his stone chest and closed my eyes. After a few moments I felt his fingers lightly stroking my bare shoulder as he wrapped me in a loose embrace.

"Stay with me, Carlisle?" I implored sleepily.

"Always, my love. Always."

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**A/N: Happy New Year! **


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